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  • Originally posted by arabian View Post
    I hope that LF32's mother shares her insight and experience as a mother and grandmother in this situation. An appropriate category on this forum to have such a thread might be under "divorce support."
    Thank you Arabian.

    Im sure she will open up more at some point. She's gone all this time just as her name reads "backgroundnoise".

    She is a wonderful person. An amazing Nanny. She even taught D3 how to skate. She has pictures teaching her a few months before the abduction. She shares a very special bond with D3. They always made M&M cookies together.

    When D3 saw my mom for the first time in months she remembered and said "Nanny .. can we make M&M cookies to eat?" Talk about emotional.

    My mother is also a professional nanny for movie stars, of names I will not repeat for privacy. Just know a few are big.

    My mom and ex had a very good relationship. She is in complete disbelief that ex wont even allow a phone call to her .. or any of us. It's not just me ex and her mom want to erase. It's our entire family. That's very telling.

    Either way .. I agree. I hope she contributes some insight to the thread also. She's been living the nightmare with me.

    Comment


    • Originally posted by odinn View Post
      I agree - you need to move on. However, please do not allow the circumstances of what has happened to you allow you to give yourself permission to behave poorly. Shit has happened. I think you could have made a better decision. I think most people would say that bringing new gf and daughter to visit was in poor taste.
      Thanks for your opinion. Should have seen D3's face when she had another child to play with. All 3 of us had such a great time. D3 asks where she is when shes not there and says she wants all 3 of us to play princesses again.

      I'm glad Im remaining child focused and thinking about her wants and needs. Throughout this confusion and torment her mom is putting her through Im glad I can show her a good time. You call that behaving poorly. I call it being a loving father.

      I hope daddy # 2 treats D3 well because OCL said caregiver says there's a lot of raised voices where she is now that makes D3 cower.

      Talk about poor taste. What do you think Odinn?

      You can say I'm behaving poorly if you want. It's a little far fetched IMO.

      Was WD behaving poorly when he introduced his children to his new g/f?
      Last edited by LovingFather32; 10-07-2014, 12:26 AM.

      Comment


      • You need records of those requests. And any and all denials. Check on this asap IMO.

        PS.

        I never bombarded my lawyer with case law...I read up so I knew what the landscape looked like.

        My lawyer kept me apprised of what was happening and I was confident my lawyer was headed in the direction I wanted them to go.

        I was given choices. I made decisions.

        I was provided with copies of email/written communication. Whether it was forwarded to me after the fact or in anticipation of it being sent.

        For major things, I saw them in advance.

        Comment


        • Originally posted by odinn View Post
          You need records of those requests. And any and all denials. Check on this asap IMO.

          PS.

          I never bombarded my lawyer with case law...I read up so I knew what the landscape looked like.

          My lawyer kept me apprised of what was happening and I was confident my lawyer was headed in the direction I wanted them to go.

          I was given choices. I made decisions.

          I was provided with copies of email/written communication. Whether it was forwarded to me after the fact or in anticipation of it being sent.

          For major things, I saw them in advance.
          You, Arabian and everybody else saying this are absolutely correct.

          I do need these.

          And believe me, I send more than case law. For strategy reasons I wont say here but I've worked hard on my material.

          I will be chatting about getting copies of everything and the weekly denials, etc tomorrow. I think my lawyer's just laying low until the OCL report comes out (due this Thursday) and the CAS report (due soon as well).

          But I do agree 100% that I need these things.

          Comment


          • Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
            Thanks for your opinion. Should have seen D3's face when she had another child to play with. All 3 of us had such a great time. D3 asks where she is when shes not there and says she wants all 3 of us to play princesses again.

            I'm glad Im remaining child focused and thinking about her wants and needs. Throughout this confusion and torment her mom is putting her through Im glad I can show her a good time. You call that behaving poorly. I call it being a loving father.

            I hope daddy # 2 treats D3 well because OCL said caregiver says there's a lot of raised voices where she is now that makes D3 cower.

            Talk about poor taste. What do you think Odinn?

            You can say I'm behaving poorly if you want. It's a little far fetched IMO.

            Was WD behaving poorly when he introduced his children to his new g/f?
            Behaving poorly (and arguably not in the best interests of D3) is introducing new significant others to D3 in the midst of turmoil b/c you need to move on. I call bullshit on the fluff about making memories and showing D3 a good time with children of her own age. It seems to be about you and not D3. I won't go into child dev phycho babble, but I will say that it looks this way to me.

            I am not here to put your parenting under any more of a microscope than it already is. I am not qualified to do so anyway. Staying focused under stress often requires a lot of self reflection to make sure the decisions are sound. It is not always an easy process but it is a necessary one.

            Comment


            • Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
              Thanks for your opinion. Should have seen D3's face when she had another child to play with. All 3 of us had such a great time. D3 asks where she is when shes not there and says she wants all 3 of us to play princesses again.

              I'm glad Im remaining child focused and thinking about her wants and needs. Throughout this confusion and torment her mom is putting her through Im glad I can show her a good time. You call that behaving poorly. I call it being a loving father.

              I hope daddy # 2 treats D3 well because OCL said caregiver says there's a lot of raised voices where she is now that makes D3 cower.

              Talk about poor taste. What do you think Odinn?

              You can say I'm behaving poorly if you want. It's a little far fetched IMO.

              Was WD behaving poorly when he introduced his children to his new g/f?
              By the way, I am happy D3 had a great time. Kids love kids! Very sweet.

              Just stay focused on what is in your realm of control - everything else is noise.

              Comment


              • Originally posted by odinn View Post
                Behaving poorly (and arguably not in the best interests of D3) is introducing new significant others to D3 in the midst of turmoil b/c you need to move on. I call bullshit on the fluff about making memories and showing D3 a good time with children of her own age. It seems to be about you and not D3. I won't go into child dev phycho babble, but I will say that it looks this way to me.

                I am not here to put your parenting under any more of a microscope than it already is. I am not qualified to do so anyway. Staying focused under stress often requires a lot of self reflection to make sure the decisions are sound. It is not always an easy process but it is a necessary one.
                Why wont you respond to my inquiries on my thoughts of when WorkingDad introduced his children to his new girlfriend? Was he in poor taste? What did the judge think?

                You can call it bullshit, fluff, whatever you want. You weren't there.

                What about daddy # 2? Or what ex has done. Lets talk about poor taste for a while shall we?

                Comment


                • Originally posted by odinn View Post
                  By the way, I am happy D3 had a great time. Kids love kids! Very sweet.

                  Just stay focused on what is in your realm of control - everything else is noise.
                  Just know that every step I take is in D3's best interest. I didn't introduce new g/f as new g/f. I introduced child as new friend. They hit it of more than I could have ever imagined (no fluff). New g/f? She just sits in the background. I would never do anything to make D3 feel confused or uncomfortable.

                  Comment


                  • Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
                    Now this I agree with insofar as she doesn't project her mental health on to me being the catalyst. Then the courts will need to know she has medical records of depression way before me.
                    That right - records will show so put it on your ignore list.

                    Comment


                    • Originally posted by odinn View Post
                      That right - records will show so put it on your ignore list.
                      What records? If they're not mentioned or looked in to?

                      Trust me .. I know the mental health thing is a dangerous one. But be aware Im being told D3 is being the parent .. watching her mom cry, coddling her and asking her not to be sad .. a lot. Once in a while okay. I'm seriously worried about the emotional state she's putting on D3. It's not healthy. A child should be allowed to be a child .. not a therapist. Thus .. it's not a card or a strategy .. a genuine concern.
                      Last edited by LovingFather32; 10-07-2014, 12:58 AM.

                      Comment


                      • Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
                        Why wont you respond to my inquiries on my thoughts of when WorkingDad introduced his children to his new girlfriend? Was he in poor taste? What did the judge think?

                        You can call it bullshit, fluff, whatever you want. You weren't there.

                        What about daddy # 2? Or what ex has done. Lets talk about poor taste for a while shall we?
                        I am not that familiar with WD narrative (timelines, relationship status etc.). I am familiar with your narrative (timelines, relationship status...etc..) so my reflections are based on what I know about your story.

                        My point here is that IMO the decision to bring new gf and gf daughter was based on your needs, not D3's. I am not debating whether or not D3 had fun or not.

                        No, I wasn't there, but I will take you at your word that D3 had fun. I think she would. Kids love kids.

                        Whether D3 had fun or not, is not my point of discussion. It is whether or not bringing new gf and gf daughter to the visit was in D3's best interests or not?

                        Was it risky to bring them to visit with D3? In this way, could you foresee your ex feeling threatened/provoked and any possible retaliation from your ex that might affect you and D3's relationship? The most important piece to this is your relationship with D3. It is not in the child's best interest to risk your relationship with her so that should have been weighed against the necessity of playing princess with new g/f and g/f daughter during a 3 hour/ week visit.

                        Who cares about daddy #2 or what the ex has done - control what is in your realm of control and stay focused on that.

                        Comment


                        • Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
                          What records? If they're not mentioned or looked in to?

                          Trust me .. I know the mental health thing is a dangerous one. But be aware Im being told D3 is being the parent .. watching her mom cry, coddling her and asking her not to be sad .. a lot. Once in a while okay. I'm seriously worried about the emotional state she's putting on D3. It's not healthy. A child should be allowed to be a child .. not a therapist. Thus .. it's not a card or a strategy .. a genuine concern.

                          I was referring to the suggestion that you caused mental health issues of your ex and how that should be placed on your ignore list because records will show a history of mental health issues.

                          If you are concerned about your daughter's well being in mom's care, this needs to be addressed immediately.

                          Comment


                          • I understand your position Odinn. And respect it.

                            Wd is Working Dad. He moved on. His ex made crazy allegations much like mine. As soon as ex found out WD moved on access was gone.

                            Judge had no qualms about WD moving on. What judge DID have qualms with was all the mothers unilateral decision making and access denials.

                            Working Dad got Sole Custody.

                            That's just a real court room essence of how a judge may feel.

                            Having said that. I agree that I should be cautious. But I'm still going to live my life .. just as Working Dad did.

                            Comment


                            • Originally posted by odinn View Post
                              I was referring to the suggestion that you caused mental health issues of your ex and how that should be placed on your ignore list because records will show a history of mental health issues.

                              If you are concerned about your daughter's well being in mom's care, this needs to be addressed immediately.
                              If mental health records are ordered than I agree 100% with you. Ignore list. Just not sure who will order them. They sure won't.


                              Regarding my concerns. I worry about D3's immediate mental state. Emergency Motions speak of "physical danger". Thus, EM's are very tricky. I have proof now that D3 is coddling, comforting and asking if mommys okay a lot. I'm also told there are loud voices around her now that make her cower. This info is from ex's collateral, presented by OCL. So its proof.

                              But its not "physical" danger. I cant prove "physical danger" It's a rather primitive paradigm given our knowledge of the sensitivity of a young psyche.
                              Last edited by LovingFather32; 10-07-2014, 01:27 AM.

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
                                If mental health records are ordered than I agree 100% with you. Ignore list. Just not sure who will order them. They sure won't.


                                Regarding my concerns. I worry about D3's immediate mental state. Emergency Motions speak of "physical danger". Thus, EM's are very tricky. I have proof now that D3 is coddling, comforting and asking if mommys okay a lot. I'm also told there are loud voices around her now that make her cower. This info is from ex's collateral, presented by OCL. So its proof.

                                But its not "physical" danger. I cant prove "physical danger" It's a rather primitive paradigm given our knowledge of the sensitivity of a young psyche.
                                Hmmm... are we talking about the 'low' road 'high' road garbledy goop? If so, stay on the high road LF.

                                This is the rub: do you give credence to the OCL or not?

                                Can you pick and choose from the meeting what you choose to believe?

                                IMO get a child psychologist.

                                Comment

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