Is claiming domestic violence in a divorce 'worth' it?

[madm82]

[QUOTE=Tayken;120076] One would have to consider what advice this professional would give to you regarding your contribution to this site and your "sharing" on it.

Are you trying to belittle me?
Thanks for deleting your original response. Very nice

Yet, you make an emotional ploy to support the book and those who read it where you yourself in an admission against interest have not read it yourself.
What 'emotional ploy are you talking about? Explain, please.
I never stated at all that I supported this particular book. Please re-read my posts. It's pretty clear.
Good Luck!
Tayken

[Tayken]

[QUOTE=madm82;120078]

It's not misquoted at all. So whatever, Tayken. Clearly, this is not a topic you and I should discuss or debate upon for whatever your reasons are.

Yes, that is clear because this is the response to your message:

http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...tml#post120076

You can exit the debate at any time you like. No one is compelling you to respond to any of this material. You are an agent of your own free will.

Good Luck!
Tayken

[madm82]

[QUOTE=Tayken;120084]

Yes, that is clear because this is the response to your message:

http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...tml#post120076

You can exit the debate at any time you like. No one is compelling you to respond to any of this material. You are an agent of your own free will.

Good Luck!
Tayken

Ya, AFTER you deleted your original response to me. So whatever with your game playing on that one.

[Tayken]

[QUOTE=madm82;120083]

One would have to consider what advice this professional would give to you regarding your contribution to this site and your "sharing" on it.

Are you trying to belittle me?

It is a honest question. I challenge you to print out this thread and provide it to your therapist and ask them for their professional opinion if you, as a victim of "domestic violence" should be participating on a public message forum at this point in your therapy.

Thanks for deleting your original response. Very nice

It wasn't "deleted" it was edited. I sorted out the materials to give a better response that is all. I have no moderator access to this site nor do I want any. I am a regular poster just as you. I just have more green boxes that is all and those are awarded by posters who value what I contribute.

Yet, you make an emotional ploy to support the book and those who read it where you yourself in an admission against interest have not read it yourself.

[B]What 'emotional ploy are you talking about? Explain, please.
I never stated at all that I supported this particular book. Please re-read my posts. It's pretty clear.

Your ploy is in your message. You elaborately attempt to paint me with a "harsh" brush then request that I not insult those who found comfort in the book. You then state you never read the book and support "men" who are victims of "domestic violence". YOu then try to justify that men don't report these incidents and win favour for making this blanket statement.

You try to paint yourself in the "best light" possible. You raise all sorts of allegations of the parent of the children. You try to paint that person as the "all bad" parent. You claim that you have nightmares resulting from this horrible person. Yet, you share these intimate details on a public message forum. For what purpose? To bring awareness to the general public to "intimate partner abuse" or to seek sympathy from posters?

Münchausen by Internet - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Good Luck!
Tayken

[baldclub]

Yes, Tayken, your referenced material has multiple references to follow it. I bet however, that the material used and referenced is also biased.
That is not always necessarily a bad thing when one is trying to prove a point, or influence to one's own way of thinking or point of view.

What? Using biased material is not a bad thing when trying to prove a point? Why would anyone want to use that as a basis for their argument?

To say that all who have been abused need professional therapy, is very narrow minded however. And please, keep an open mind here;

If 5 people smoked cigarettes, and quit for 25 years, I bet you would hear 5 stories on how they quit. Why? Several reasons, including but not limited to, the reasons for wanting to quit- maybe needing too. The original length of time that they smoked for. the amount they smoked. Maybe even the reasons they smoked.
To tell all 5 of these people that the only way they could have quit if they were real smokers would have been through hypnotherapy, would be very narrow minded and bold. Why? Each had a unique and very different relationship with cigarettes, I bet.

Anyone who was abused can benefit from professional therapy or do you propose throwing a book called "Why does he do that to you?" to a lesbian, transexual or male as a more appropriate solution? You would have a greater chance of quitting smoking if you sought out professional help, don't you think? Are we really debating the recommendation Tayken made that we need to involve professionals more?

Apparently we are:

Same with abuse. Abuse is a broad spectrum. Each person is a unique individual and needs to deal with it in a way that works for them.

Don't you think professionals are aware of different coping mechanisms based on the spectrum of abuse you speak about? Wouldn't it be better to ask for directions when you're lost?

For some ( I would imagine the more severe cases) it is probably impossible to do it without professional help. For others, a book may be suffice. For some a combination, for others, nothing will ever help.

What are your arguments based on? Are you an expert in dealing with abuse? Do you follow scientific methods? Seriously, we need a bit more to go on than your own 'logic' above. Let the abused decide with the help of professionals. And even that requires a second opinion sometimes.

Lord knows I still get severe nightmares. So do my children All the professionals in the world haven't stopped those. Confiding in my husband- yes my children do too- help. We just get to talk about it, without analyzing anything, or delving into anything. It helps.

I hate to hear you get severe nightmares. While talking with you husband helps, although not enough to stop the nightmares, I would wish you sought out professional therapy for your children if you're not willing to seek it yourself.

A lot of men are abused. A lot of men do not seek out counseling for it due to the stereotypes associated with it. I still bet you a lot of men read 'books' to help them deal with it.

And those men should seek out professional help. You have just confirmed to me that we need to change stereotypes. Yay!!

[Tayken]

[QUOTE=madm82;120085]

Ya, AFTER you deleted your original response to me. So whatever with your game playing on that one.

You are very paranoid about the posting. One would question why. I haven't denied that I originally posted that. I did edit the posting. What does your statement prove? That I edited my posting. I didn't do it to "fool you". Maybe if you didn't respond so quickly and with malice intent you wouldn't have this issue.

Good Luck!
Tayken

[Tayken]

So some people want to see themselves as truly wonderful people and build a brand new image of themselves, for themselves, and the court system, and were all supposed to be ok with that? Really?

Last time I checked the only determining factor for custody and access before the superior court was the children's "best interests". Making false allegations on motion or at trial doesn't generally reflect well on the person making them. Jurisprudence often posted to this board and contributed by one member demonstrates that...

I expect that in criminal trials where the entire purpose of the accused counsel is to paint them as blameless individuals no matter what the crime is but excusing all bad behaviour is quite frankly hogwash.You really think that all those falsely accused of various crimes or misdemeanour’s think to themselves"its ok, its only his/her inner voice thats trying to make him or her be the person they truly want to be......"

I really can't comment on this above quote as I am not a telepath.

Good Luck!
Tayken

[madm82]

[QUOTE=Tayken;120087]

Your ploy is in your message. You elaborately attempt to paint me with a "harsh" brush then request that I not insult those who found comfort in the book. You then state you never read the book and support "men" who are victims of "domestic violence". YOu then try to justify that men don't report these incidents and win favour for making this blanket statement.

You try to paint yourself in the "best light" possible. You raise all sorts of allegations of the parent of the children. You try to paint that person as the "all bad" parent. You claim that you have nightmares resulting from this horrible person. Yet, you share these intimate details on a public message forum. For what purpose? To bring awareness to the general public to "intimate partner abuse" or to seek sympathy from posters?

Münchausen by Internet - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Good Luck!
Tayken

Hahaha! Please quit the shit, Tayken. YOU are great at provoking people to share 'intimate' details with your belittling on this subject matter - what little I have shared in that manner.
I do not need to paint the other parent as bad at all.
Like hell I want sympathy- nobody died. Empathy is maybe wha you mean? I don't want that either. Maybe I wanted that 10 years ago-not now. I've moved past that 'stage'.
If you feel as though I try to paint you with a harsh brush- sorry, I truly don't mean to do that. If it is perceived that way by others, it is by your own words, not mine, I just say what I see or feel, and hopefuuly at the end of the thread we have sorted our points of views out (seems to happen that way with you Tayken, whether we agree eye to eye or not).
I will take your "best light" as a compliment, because although I have not tried to do that at all- if you perceive it to be that way, it must be good

[madm82]

Oh, and Tayken, as for your green boxes, really, I don't care how many you have, BUT, you do have them because many times you are very helpful with case law, and DO contribute a great deal of valuable information on this forum. As I would assume that's what those green boxes mean? Or are they how many posts you've made?

[murphyslaw]

Post number 97 quotes me wrongly
.Personally I don't care that you believe me or not.You are just another keyboard warrior on the web like myself.I am merely stating a fact that if someone likes to talk about killing me on a regular basis -then I think they are quite frankly nuts .Its a simple matter of opinion.Im not going to court over it and I haven't pressed charges -I have gotten plenty of therapy and counselling, and bar some minor PTSD I am fully recovered.I am not in a spiral of victim hood nor am I asking for your sympathy.For me,its something in my past that I have recovered from.Not all people who have endured domestic violence have the courage to speak up.I hid because it was so humiliating that someone of average intelligence could end up in such a stupid situation that could have been avoided.There was some red flags that I ignored ,that anyone with the brain capacity of a cabbage would have spotted.

[madm82]

[QUOTE=Tayken;120089]

You are very paranoid about the posting. One would question why. I haven't denied that I originally posted that. I did edit the posting. What does your statement prove? That I edited my posting. I didn't do it to "fool you". Maybe if you didn't respond so quickly and with malice intent you wouldn't have this issue.

Good Luck!
Tayken

Malice intent? Whatever. Maybe you're the paranoid one.

[Tayken]

Hahaha! Please quit the shit, Tayken. YOU are great at provoking people to share 'intimate' details with your belittling on this subject matter - what little I have shared in that manner.

Your use of profanity is not appreciated nor necessary and only weakens your argument and exposes your emotionalism in this debate.

I kindly ask that you not use profane language in response to me and act as an adult and either contribute constructively and if you are unable to... At least do not use profanity.

Secondly, I have no special power to "provoke" anyone to share "intimate details". Nor do I "belittle" anyone. That is your own projection and as you have admitted against interest to having issues with anxiety it is not hard to question if you are talking from an anxious state when responding.

Thirdly, I have recommended that you seek the advice of a qualified mental health practitioner regarding your conduct and the information you share.

I do not need to paint the other parent as bad at all.

Can you share something positive about the other parent, their relationship with the children and why they are a good parent. One thing?

Like hell I want sympathy- nobody died. Empathy is maybe what you mean? I don't want that either. Maybe I wanted that 10 years ago-not now. I've moved past that 'stage'.

Yet, you continue to lament about the situation and matters are still before the court. If you truly have moved past that stage would things be different? How would they be different? Would you be reading this message board? Would you be responding to these messages?

If you feel as though I try to paint you with a harsh brush- sorry, I truly don't mean to do that. If it is perceived that way by others, it is by your own words, not mine, I just say what I see or feel, and hopefuuly at the end of the thread we have sorted our points of views out (seems to happen that way with you Tayken, whether we agree eye to eye or not).

Suffice to say, it won't happen as you expect as I don't buy the excuse you are selling that you "truly don't mean to do that". Your responses are quite calculated. Your use of profanity is well placed and your attempts to laugh at me and call me names doesn't get me to engage in your games. It just exposes the reality of the situation that is all. An unfortunate situation.

I will take your "best light" as a compliment, because although I have not tried to do that at all- if you perceive it to be that way, it must be good

Well, it wasn't a complement. But, you can take it that way as you clearly don't understand what Justice Mossip was trying to state in the jurisprudence. Which possibly explains why you are still before the courts.

Good Luck!
Tayken

[Tayken]

Oh, and Tayken, as for your green boxes, really, I don't care how many you have, BUT, you do have them because many times you are very helpful with case law, and DO contribute a great deal of valuable information on this forum. As I would assume that's what those green boxes mean? Or are they how many posts you've made?

They are "reputation" and can be only granted by posters to this board. Also, the system of reputation is limited so you can't have one poster who constantly gives you reputation. It accumulates from unique one time contributions to your reputation from a number of posters.

Good Luck!
Tayken

[madm82]

[QUOTE=baldclub;120088]What? Using biased material is not a bad thing when trying to prove a point? Why would anyone want to use that as a basis for their argument?

Happens in psychology all the time.

Anyone who was abused can benefit from professional therapy or do you propose throwing a book called "Why does he do that to you?" to a lesbian, transexual or male as a more appropriate solution? You would have a greater chance of quitting smoking if you sought out professional help, don't you think? Are we really debating the recommendation Tayken made that we need to involve professionals more?
No, quitting smoking is individual. As is the type of therapy.
Apparently we are:



Don't you think professionals are aware of different coping mechanisms based on the spectrum of abuse you speak about? Wouldn't it be better to ask for directions when you're lost?

A bad therapist, will lead you the wrong way, as will a bad book or someone who doesn't know their left from rihjt when giving directions.

What are your arguments based on? Are you an expert in dealing with abuse? Do you follow scientific methods? Seriously, we need a bit more to go on than your own 'logic' above. Let the abused decide with the help of professionals. And even that requires a second opinion sometimes.

Good thinking.

I hate to hear you get severe nightmares. While talking with you husband helps, although not enough to stop the nightmares, I would wish you sought out professional therapy for your children if you're not willing to seek it yourself.

I did. For my children and myself, thank you. You can't wipe out memories though.

And those men should seek out professional help. You have just confirmed to me that we need to change stereotypes. Yay!!
Absolutely we do!
I believe (and have seen first hand) it going the opposite way. I know it is a two way street, and neither way is the right way.

[Tayken]

Post number 97 quotes me wrongly.

http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...tml#post120062

You are correct the first quote is correctly tagged but the subsequent ones are not. Mess/Blink could you edit and fix that for me. My apologies.

Personally I don't care that you believe me or not. You are just another keyboard warrior on the web like myself.

1. I am no warrior and do not want to be associated to such a label as it has violent connotations which are not reflective of me at all as a person.

2. I don't know you or your situation so I can't believe anything. Nor as you stated properly should you care if I do.

I am merely stating a fact that if someone likes to talk about killing me on a regular basis -then I think they are quite frankly nuts.

But, applying logic one would question why you talk about this person, this experience, and in such a graphic manner if what you are alleging is "the truth". See the challenge others may have with the allegations which are posted to a public forum that is indexed by Google?

Its a simple matter of opinion. I'm not going to court over it and I haven't pressed charges -I have gotten plenty of therapy and counselling, and bar some minor PTSD I am fully recovered.

PTSD, even mild, wouldn't your posting of this event, repeatedly, to a public message forum be an aggravation to your PTSD diagnosis?

I am not in a spiral of victim hood nor am I asking for your sympathy. For me, its something in my past that I have recovered from.

Yet, you cite it on this site all the time... ?

Not all people who have endured domestic violence have the courage to speak up. I hid because it was so humiliating that someone of average intelligence could end up in such a stupid situation that could have been avoided.

Speaking up by recanting a story? Or by helping and providing information, references, recommendations to therapy, and to seek out clinical help. Not sure how your story helps bring awareness other than to your personal plight. Which you claim you have dealt with.

There was some red flags that I ignored ,that anyone with the brain capacity of a cabbage would have spotted.

I disagree 10000000000% to this statement.

1. You are quite intelligent.

2. If anyone has told you that you should have seen these "red flags" and that "anyone with the brain capacity of a cabbage would have spotted" they are the "cabbage brained" idiot and NOT YOU.

3. If a licensed medical professional in any way shape or from in therapy stated something anything NEAR what you just quoted above I hope you have raised this to their governing body. For anyone in the medical industry to make you feel/state/whatever this way about what you may have experienced is NO PROFESSIONAL and shouldn't have a license to practice medicine.

I will make this statement with absolute certainty murphyslaw:

You are quite intelligent and have a brain capacity far superior to that of the majority of posters on this site and certainly that of a cabbage!

Good Luck!
Tayken