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  • #16
    STBX - Soon To Be Ex!

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    • #17
      Tell your daughter that you love her and that the present you gave was the most you can afford.

      Definitely cut off all money that you are giving him if he does not sign your separation agreement.

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      • #18
        Thanks for everyone's words, advice and encouragement - last week was very hard on me.

        As far as the seperation agreement, finances etc. -

        I stood up to him on the finances - not face to face but through email with lawyers copied. He is no longer gasing up his car on my coin and gave me more cash this week towards household expenses (after a chat with his lawyer).
        The seperation agreement is being officially drawn up and will be signed any day now - I insisted on a deadline for him to be out of the house. Once the agreement is signed, all of his bills will be switched to him by his lawyer. His lawyer even wanted the certified cheque from me to buy him out of the house so that his half of the debt would be paid off by the lawyers before he sees a penny!

        I had a long chat with my daughter. She told me that she doesn't care about the expensive gift from him - the $20 video game I bought her was what she asked for and that was what she really wanted. She is a bright kid and once the initial glee at the laptop wore off, she saw the real deal.... She actually told me that she didn't think it was fair that Dad was buying her expensive gifts while Mom was counting pennies when grocery shopping and asked why that was - "Cause Mom...your the one working full time, all he does is play video games". I have a smart kid.

        He has been warned that the cops will be called if he approaches me face to face....the locks will be changed on the house.

        I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel. I will be liberated, no longer in fear.... Planning on throwing a party to celebrate my new life. Already in the planning stage for a New Years get together - to toast in a new year and a new, abuse free life

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        • #19
          Sounds like progress. I understand the need to celebrate but keep those plans low/private. An abuse-free life is something to look forward to, but there are other forms of abuse post-separation and you must be extra vigilant. You're rounding a corner, so to speak: but there's still a lot of variables and unknowns that remain to be seen. Don't let your guard down. You should still have a "safety plan" - and keep a close friend/neighbor in the loop. Best of luck.

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          • #20
            I had a long chat with my daughter....."Cause Mom...your the one working full time, all he does is play video games".
            Be careful about using your child as a judge regarding who's the better parent. You do need to talk to your children about divorce but you have to engage them in a positive way. It always bothers me when I see a kid throwing one parent under a bus to make the other one feel like their the superior, better parent. Kids need both parents...even an imperfect one that plays video games. Encourage the relationship with her dad...let her know that he loves her (even if its not up to your standards), don't villify him. Your kid's role isn't to be ping-ponged back and forth between two people. If you work harder and provide that example...that's wonderful but its not a competition.

            I can almost see the light at the end of the tunnel. I will be liberated, no longer in fear.... Planning on throwing a party to celebrate my new life.
            Congratulations and best wishes to you!!!! I'm in a similar situation and I'm hoping for a celebration right after the new year myself. Save me some champagne!

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