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15 year old refusing to go back: Kind of diffiuclt situation

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  • #16
    Another thing to think about is that you want to raise children who obey law correct?

    Have you discussed the full impact of your daughter's actions with her? Does she realize that to keep the police from being involved that you have to go to court and file a motion? Are you used to self-representing in court or would you hire a lawyer? Does your daughter know the cost of hiring a lawyer? Would large legal bills (thousands of dollars) have a negative effect on your family's current lifestyle?

    You might want to ask your daughter what she is willing to do without in order for you to go to court and get the order changed. First thing that comes to my mind is cell phone. Also, I found it quite curious that your daughter can afford to travel by Uber. Does she have a part-time job and pays for this?

    Children at that age are in the "me me me" stage and they make impulsive decisions without thinking things through (no thought of consequence). This is why they are still deemed to be "children" according to family law.

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    • #17
      Originally posted by Ange71727 View Post
      This situation requires you to get over to mom's house for a conversation, in my opinion. I get it - I don't talk to my ex either unless extremely necessary. She obviously needs to talk it out with her mom and perhaps she would feel safer to do so with you present.


      Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

      I don't really care about your personal situation.

      We don't talk. End of story. I can't go over there. She can't come here. End of story.

      If you have nothing to add in a legal sense, why bother? Your situation is not my situation.

      Comment


      • #18
        Originally posted by arabian View Post
        Another thing to think about is that you want to raise children who obey law correct?

        Have you discussed the full impact of your daughter's actions with her? Does she realize that to keep the police from being involved that you have to go to court and file a motion? Are you used to self-representing in court or would you hire a lawyer? Does your daughter know the cost of hiring a lawyer? Would large legal bills (thousands of dollars) have a negative effect on your family's current lifestyle?

        You might want to ask your daughter what she is willing to do without in order for you to go to court and get the order changed. First thing that comes to my mind is cell phone. Also, I found it quite curious that your daughter can afford to travel by Uber. Does she have a part-time job and pays for this?

        Children at that age are in the "me me me" stage and they make impulsive decisions without thinking things through (no thought of consequence). This is why they are still deemed to be "children" according to family law.

        No offense but your advice is absolutely 100% horrific. And judging by the amount of time uou spend here: Thanks, but not thanks for your personal advice.

        If you have nothing to add legally please stay off the thread. No one is taking a phone away a cell phone from an A+ student who also works 20-25 hrs. a week. She can afford her own phone.

        Comment


        • #19
          Originally posted by bjjgal View Post
          I don't really care about your personal situation.

          We don't talk. End of story. I can't go over there. She can't come here. End of story.

          If you have nothing to add in a legal sense, why bother? Your situation is not my situation.


          Well that's a completely unnecessary response. I was approaching it from a place of trying to help you. But that's fine. Good luck.


          Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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          • #20
            Originally posted by SadAndTired View Post
            The difference for me is that there is no control over the situation.

            If my child was having trouble at school, first I would help them navigate it themselves but if they couldn't, I certainly would step in to advocate and assist to help correct the situation. I wouldn't just say "go to school!" without doing whatever I could to help if it was needed.

            Unfortunately there isn't anything you can do about the other parent's home. If she doesn't want to go, what is he really going to do? Force her? Take away her phone?

            Obviously his daughter does not want to be there if she is using any means available to get back to Dad's.

            I hardly see comparing this to not bathing as useful.
            Thanks, it seems their are few and far reasonable people here. I remember my deceased lawyer warning me about "going on the internet" for advice. I now know why. First and last time. Tons of jaded and very angry people here.

            Anyways if this helps anyone here it is: I talked to a well regarded lawyer today and I was informed that she probably will get a Judge's order to go where she wants at this age . Seeing that she turns 16 in 4 weeks my lawyer stated, In Ontario , she can live wherever she pleases with no court order and no one can do anything about it including a Judge. The courts have never interfered with someone 16+ in a custody dispute.

            Hopefully that helps anyone who is in my situation and my advice is: STAY OFF THESE FORUMS. They are toxic. Seems it full of angry ex wives and if you are male..oh boy.

            Comment


            • #21
              Sounds like your daughter is a responsible young person. You are very fortunate indeed.

              It can't be easy dealing with a teenager after divorce. I recall when I was young having my parents tell me (when they were off on one of their annual trips to Europe) that if something ever happened to them I would have to go life with this one aunt/uncle. I was mortified. That literally gave me nightmares for years. I recall begging and pleading with my parents to change their death directives. I don't know if they ever did. So it must be very frustrating for your daughter to not be able to make decisions for herself insofar as to where she spends her time.

              We don't know the history leading up to the agreement you now have. I would postulate that your ex insisted on the clause as she foresaw what is happening now? I have observed that kids like to go to the parent who is "party time" and where they are doted over, catered to, few house rules and of course, no "chores." Teenagers hate chores.

              Teenagers also don't like it when they aren't the centre of attention.

              You have been separated for 5 years now? You have to ask yourself what has changed in the past 5 years? Has your place become better? Does mom have a new roomie? New step-kids? Is your daughter's behavior new?

              Comment


              • #22
                Originally posted by bjjgal View Post
                No offense but your advice is absolutely 100% horrific. And judging by the amount of time uou spend here: Thanks, but not thanks for your personal advice.

                If you have nothing to add legally please stay off the thread. No one is taking a phone away a cell phone from an A+ student who also works 20-25 hrs. a week. She can afford her own phone.


                Arabian is a pretty esteemed member of this community. Her advice is respected by most people on this forum. Yes there are many jaded people, but you're sounding like one of them! You aren't going to get anywhere alienating everyone. Sometimes it's tough love around here but I think the end goal for most is to try to help each other.


                Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

                Comment


                • #23
                  Originally posted by bjjgal View Post
                  No offense but your advice is absolutely 100% horrific. And judging by the amount of time uou spend here: Thanks, but not thanks for your personal advice.

                  If you have nothing to add legally please stay off the thread. No one is taking a phone away a cell phone from an A+ student who also works 20-25 hrs. a week. She can afford her own phone.
                  Yep you're the type who only hires lawyers who tells them what they want to hear.

                  I had a laugh when I read what your "new" lawyer told you.
                  If you take the time you can do a CanLii search and you will find MANY cases of parental alienation regarding 16-year-olds.

                  So... get your wallet ready.

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    Originally posted by Ange71727 View Post
                    Arabian is a pretty esteemed member of this community. Her advice is respected by most people on this forum. Yes there are many jaded people, but you're sounding like one of them! You aren't going to get anywhere alienating everyone. Sometimes it's tough love around here but I think the end goal for most is to try to help each other.


                    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

                    Thanks.

                    I'm sure he loves his daughter and is very concerned. That is a good thing - parents who care.

                    Lawyer will take care of him (wink wink)

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Originally posted by arabian View Post
                      Sounds like your daughter is a responsible young person. You are very fortunate indeed.

                      It can't be easy dealing with a teenager after divorce. I recall when I was young having my parents tell me (when they were off on one of their annual trips to Europe) that if something ever happened to them I would have to go life with this one aunt/uncle. I was mortified. That literally gave me nightmares for years. I recall begging and pleading with my parents to change their death directives. I don't know if they ever did. So it must be very frustrating for your daughter to not be able to make decisions for herself insofar as to where she spends her time.

                      We don't know the history leading up to the agreement you now have. I would postulate that your ex insisted on the clause as she foresaw what is happening now? I have observed that kids like to go to the parent who is "party time" and where they are doted over, catered to, few house rules and of course, no "chores." Teenagers hate chores.

                      Teenagers also don't like it when they aren't the centre of attention.

                      You have been separated for 5 years now? You have to ask yourself what has changed in the past 5 years? Has your place become better? Does mom have a new roomie? New step-kids? Is your daughter's behavior new?

                      Once again: I don't care. I don't care what happened to you 50 years ago. I don't care about your parents. I don't care about any lonely old jaded lady who has all this time to spend on one site. Imagine how time you spend online including other sites. You sound insane to be honest. You also sound like you are a loser. A loser in life and didn't rebound like you thought when you were dumped. Anyways, enjoy your life wallowing in misery here. You know nothing. You sound like one of the least intelligent people I have met.

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Originally posted by arabian View Post
                        Yep you're the type who only hires lawyers who tells them what they want to hear.

                        I had a laugh when I read what your "new" lawyer told you.
                        If you take the time you can do a CanLii search and you will find MANY cases of parental alienation regarding 16-year-olds.

                        So... get your wallet ready.

                        Wallet's deep so I don't care.

                        Also, put your money where your lonely, miserable mouth is:

                        Cite the "cases" you speak. I'll wait...maybe.

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Originally posted by Ange71727 View Post
                          Arabian is a pretty esteemed member of this community. Her advice is respected by most people on this forum. Yes there are many jaded people, but you're sounding like one of them! You aren't going to get anywhere alienating everyone. Sometimes it's tough love around here but I think the end goal for most is to try to help each other.


                          Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

                          Esteemed members? You mean a lonely, jaded lady who didn't get 100% of everything so now lawyers are awful? Ok. You sound as miserable as her. Misery loves company huh lady?

                          And shouldn't you "ladies" (i.e. nut jobs) be taking care of the kiddies instead of spending all day here? Is that why you lost so bad in court?

                          "
                          You aren't going to get anywhere alienating everyone"

                          LOL. I already asked for my account to be canceled. This, like your husband marrying you, was a mistake.

                          Comment


                          • #28
                            Originally posted by arabian View Post
                            Thanks.

                            I'm sure he loves his daughter and is very concerned. That is a good thing - parents who care.

                            Lawyer will take care of him (wink wink)

                            Well, unlike you I am not a nut job and lawyer's take me seriously because I take their advice.

                            I have never been led astray by a lawyer so why would it happen now ?

                            Some of us actually present well in life .

                            Comment


                            • #29
                              Nope
                              Your're a rich guy. Have your lawyer have one of his juniors research it for you.

                              "lonely, miserable mouth" is that really necessary?

                              Also, you might find it interesting that many people on this forum have been successful in their respective family law litigation. In fact, their cases are used as case-law now.

                              So before you go on to insult everyone who offers their opinions you might want to think about that.

                              I will not offer you any assistance or further opinion.

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Originally posted by bjjgal View Post
                                Well, unlike you I am not a nut job and lawyer's take me seriously because I take their advice.

                                I have never been led astray by a lawyer so why would do it now ?

                                Some of us actually present well in life .


                                You're actually so over the top it's laughable. You should leave. Most people here know how to have a respectful conversation. You are obviously just looking for a fight.


                                Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

                                Comment

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