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  • No Answer from Respondent

    Hi All,

    I am self representing in family court. The application is in regards to custody and a reduction in child support to the levels in the federal tables. The package was served to my ex via a process server through her lawyer of record, at my ex's request. For no reason whatsoever, my ex refuses to tell me where she and the children live in Ottawa.
    The papers were served on January 6th, and I filed them with the courts on January 8th. It is well past the 30 days to respond, and I am getting worried that maybe I have made a mistake somehow and that she was told by her lawyer not to bother responding because of that.
    I verified that all the paperwork was in order by FLIC, and even the clerk at intake said I did a good job of getting everything in order. I know that they cannot offer legal advice, but it did get my hopes and confidence up. Now that she has ignored the thirty day deadline, I keep questioning myself and going over everything in my head, and also re-checking the copies I made to make sure I did not screw up somehow.
    Anyone have any advice on how to double check without a lawyer(can't afford one) or am I just psyching myself out?

    Best,

  • #2
    Get a date for a case conference for your issues, also ask for disclosure of address. You have a right to know where they live - unless there is an order stating otherwise.

    How is access and exchange arranged if you don't pick up or drop off at their residence?

    Comment


    • #3
      Thanks for the reply. There is no order stating otherwise. I have my first court date on March 11, before the clerks. I will be going in next week to schedule a case conference.
      Because of the work I used to do when the separation agreement was drawn up, we determined that sole custody would be retained by my ex. What a mistake. She has engaged fully into a full blown parental alienation campaign against me. I have not seen my children in over two years...even though we live in the same city. They will not respond to my phone calls, texts or emails.
      One of the reasons I am asking for shared custody in my form 35.1 and the application.

      Comment


      • #4
        You have a good case to ask for sole custody and to have OCL involvement. You state that she had sol custody, but what was the access schedule? Have you attempted contact, and do you have proof of your attempts?

        IMO, if it were me, I'd be asking for sole custody and negotiate to shared if the situation is appropriate.

        Comment


        • #5
          The wording for access, was free and reasonable access. We lived in the Toronto area when this was agreed to. The first summer after our separation, she took the children to the family cottage for the summer and did not return phone calls or emails. At the end of the summer she decided that she was moving to Ottawa with the children, and informed me via email. I had moved to a small basement apartment in downtown Toronto in order to be closer to work, as I had signed over the vehicle to her. I still cannot afford to purchase a vehicle.
          I do have partial records that show my attempts to contact my kids, as well as emails that show her passive aggressive reticence in allowing me to spend time
          with them. I know this is a longer reply to your advice...and I appreciate your time in reading through.

          Comment


          • #6
            OK...so the one thing that will look poorly on you is that you did not take the time to fight for access to your children, however you are willing to put in the effort to pursue lower custody. This never looks god because it can appear that money is more important than the children.

            So your steps should be:

            1 - get your ass to court and secure a proper custody arrangement with a detailed access schedule not left up to her discretion.
            2 - have CS adjusted accordingly, with an agreement to review annually upon exchange of NOA's
            3 - an OCL evaluation, if you feel it is necessary, given you feel she has alienated the children from you.

            Comment


            • #7
              I appreciate your comments and advice. It is hard to get a full picture with the snippets that I have presented. I do want to steer this back to my original question, and distill it to this: If she has not given an answer as the respondent, what are the possible, real life, repercussions for both myself and her?

              Comment


              • #8
                Get a case conference date scheduled. I've sent you a PM as well.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Thanks for your advice. I will go tomorrow and get a case conference date. I tried replying to your PM and sent you another one...the forum interface keeps indicating that I have not replied nor have any sent emails. Thanks again.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    No Answer from Respondent

                    What I don't understand is that you haven't seen your child for two years and you didn't do anything about it? And now you are filing to lower child support and want to deal with custody? It will not be looked upon nicely

                    In my opinion, you have ok grounds for sole custody unless ur ex is mentally unstable. You might have a chance for shared custody but don't know how it will work if you both re not in the same area as it would effect te kids schooling etc.

                    OCL is the right way to go but once they make a recommendation then courts heavily rely on that. Having not seen ur kid for two years I can assure u that the kid will have a hard time adjusting with u.

                    Anyways good luck!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Actually I have been trying to see them...But my former spouse is very passive aggressive, and will not negotiate on anything. I also fell into the trap of she has a lawyer, so I must need one also... This legal/family law world is very intimidating and the furthest thing from my area of expertise. My last lawyer was the one to suggest that I should self represent...something that I finally saw the light about in the last 6 months or so, and set about informing myself to the best of my abilities.
                      Part of my plan includes joint counselling to try and mend the relationship. I would not want sole custody, as that would just serve to hurt my former spouse. Mind you, If I found out that there is abuse of some form taking place, I would have no problem with asking for that.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        That's a good plan. If you show your intent to mend your relationship with your child courts will support that. How old is your child?

                        You best plan of action . In my opinion, should be starting slow with access and gradually increasing it as your relationship gets stronger with your child. Courts sometimes order supervised visits at a visitation Center where you will be observed with the child. Reading that ur ex is aggressive she will definitely play this card, so be open to it. Don't miss any access days and slowly but surely you can get to shared custody. Courts will always always encourage having equal time with both parents. If you can show that Dow whatever reasons u were not tere for two years, but are here now and want to be a part of your child's life it will be taken favourably.

                        I agree family court can he very intimidating but lawyers will suck you dry. If you think that you will be capable of handling all the paper work and standing in front of a judge and talking then it's the best way to go! However, this will work only if you have lots and lots of information. This forum is AWESOME and is filled with great advise and info . Take advantage of this and educate yourself as much as you can. Duty counsel at the court house are also there to help. Things will get batter for you but it will take patience and persistence from you and be ready for a lot if stress especially with a hostile ex.

                        Good luck!!!!

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          My children are 16, 14 and 12. Thanks for your advice and support.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Oh so thy are old enough to have their say. I believe it's 12 yrs when a child has their own say. Do u know what they think about u? Are they even willing to meet with you . At this age they could be upset and and angry at you. I don't see this going in your favour due to their age. Wish u good luck!

                            Comment

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