Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Is sex... or lack thereof... a good enough reason for divorce?

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Is sex... or lack thereof... a good enough reason for divorce?

    It is estimated that 15 to 20% of couples are in sexless marriages... loosely defined as sexual activity 10 times per year, (or less).

    If you were in a sexless marriage, would you want a divorce...??

    Even if most of the other aspects of your relationship were "ok"....??

  • #2
    If both people are OK with it then it's fine. But odds are at least one person is not happy with that arrangement. Often times sexless marriages are indicative of other problems (intimacy, communication).

    In Canada you don't need any reason to get divorced, so lack of sex seems as good as the next reason. If people aren't pleased with celibate married life they can work on it within their relationship (big issue for therapy obviously) or outside of their relationship (open marriage).

    I've known a few people who did the open marriage thing. It's wierd but it can work for some people.

    Comment


    • #3
      I'd go for an open marriage. Why end something that is perfectly good just because of the sex?

      Comment


      • #4
        Sexual incompatibility became the big bad wolf in my marriage. We "experimented" while trying to have another child and I loved it and she hated it. In the end it drove us apart. Having a safe outlet for those kind of desires could have been an attractive option but the ex was very conservative.

        Comment


        • #5
          Lack of sex is generally a symptom of other problems. So I doubt that you can be "ok" in other areas if you're not having sex. They're doing studies also that show sex is even more important to longterm pair bonding than previously thought. It helps to foster monogamy with the release of hormones.

          In essence, most relationships won't survive with a lack of sex unless there are special circumstances and long-term pair bonding has already been established (ie, health issues). Its simply a fact. Sex is extremely important. Its also very good for your health.

          Personally, although I slept in a separate bedroom and tried to avoid sex with my ex for most of our marriage...its something I would NEVER do again. For me, one of the best part of divorce is getting this part of me back. So my answer...hell to the yes I'd get divorced.

          Comment


          • #6
            I'd go for an open marriage. Why end something that is perfectly good just because of the sex?
            All I could think when I read this was "ehw." I can't think of anything worse than a man who would be ok with another man being intimate with his wife. I'd feel completely unprotected in a situation like that.

            I would imagine this type of arrangement could create a myriad of even bigger issues with the relationship also. I had a psychologist friend that told me that statistically, couples who try this stuff usually file for divorce within 1.5 years of starting it.

            But to each their own. If you think it would work for you...good luck.

            Comment


            • #7
              Lack of sex was one of many reasons for calling it quits. We tried counselling, we tried everything we could think of, and nothing worked.....

              IMO, healthy sexual relations are very important in a committed relationship, and they're very important to me.

              Comment


              • #8
                Originally posted by representingself View Post
                It is estimated that 15 to 20% of couples are in sexless marriages... loosely defined as sexual activity 10 times per year, (or less).

                If you were in a sexless marriage, would you want a divorce...??

                Even if most of the other aspects of your relationship were "ok"....??
                Irrelevant in a no-fault divorce. Whatever reason either person chooses (only one has to request the divorce) it is of absolutely no consequently in a "no-fault" divorce country.

                Whatever reason for the divorce is irrelevant really. The only relevancy in "divorce" is determining custody and access of children.

                Good Luck!
                Tayken

                Comment


                • #9
                  We need to merge this with the "Sexual Letters and Factual Errors" thread.

                  In most cases, if a couple weren't having sex, there would also have to be emotional walls up against intimacy and even just day to day communication. If I was feeling sexual, and then frustrated, if I couldn't talk to my partner and explore what was going on, then there are deeper problems.

                  If there were some reason that my partner couldn't or wouldn't have sex, but there were no intimacy problems, then I'd have no problem living with cuddling on the couch, massage, making out, (insert various debaucherous activities that don't include penetration. See the Sexual Letters for details.)

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Tayken View Post
                    Irrelevant in a no-fault divorce. Whatever reason either person chooses (only one has to request the divorce) it is of absolutely no consequently in a "no-fault" divorce country.

                    Whatever reason for the divorce is irrelevant really. The only relevancy in "divorce" is determining custody and access of children.

                    Good Luck!
                    Tayken
                    Its not so much about the legalities of the situation... its more a question of self sacrifice...

                    If the relationship is stable, there are children involved, etc...

                    Is it worth it to destroy a "family" and a "home" just because you aren't getting any??

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Mess View Post
                      In most cases, if a couple weren't having sex, there would also have to be emotional walls up against intimacy and even just day to day communication.
                      This was the case with me. My ex wanted sex, after he called me names, belittled me and generally treated me like crap. He couldn't understand that the way he treated me affected my "desire". He called me "cold" and said there must be something wrong with me, and even swore that I must have been sexually abused as a child in an affidavit!

                      I tried to tell him that the way he treated me affected the way I felt about myself and that nobody wants to have an intimate relationship with someone who shows no love to them (or contradicts it with abuse). I'm sure he still thinks there is something wrong with me sexually.

                      Too bad for him though...my BF certainly knows there is NOTHING wrong with me, lucky man!


                      Originally posted by Mess View Post
                      If there were some reason that my partner couldn't or wouldn't have sex, but there were no intimacy problems, then I'd have no problem living with cuddling on the couch, massage, making out, (insert various debaucherous activities that don't include penetration. See the Sexual Letters for details.)
                      I agree. As long as there is honesty, understanding and a physical connection, you can get through the situation and remain connected.

                      I'm confused though...did I get the PG version of the letters?

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Billiechic:

                        Yea, similar situation with me...got to the point that I'd rather masturbate with a cheese grater than have sex with the ex. Of course, it became another thing that was all my fault.

                        Divorce is a good thing when you regain that side of yourself. I find it hard to believe I lasted that long in a affectionless marriage.

                        I would highly recommend to anyone in a sexless marriage (unless there are valid health reasons) to get divorced. Its a very mentally and physically unhealthy place to be.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Pursuinghappiness View Post
                          Yea, similar situation with me...got to the point that I'd rather masturbate with a cheese grater than have sex with the ex. Of course, it became another thing that was all my fault.
                          OMG! why didn't I think of that??? LMAO
                          yes...all my fault..something wrong with me..blah, blah, blah.

                          maybe I should send my ex a cheese grater for Christmas this year? He must be getting pretty lonely...

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            My ex loved to have sex, unfortunately it was with her boss.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by davidm View Post
                              My ex loved to have sex, unfortunately it was with her boss.
                              lmao!! Oh dear!

                              Comment

                              Our Divorce Forums
                              Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                              Working...
                              X