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Ex refuses to pay for sons expenses...now what ?

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  • Ex refuses to pay for sons expenses...now what ?

    My ex and I have joint custody of our 3 kids with a 50 / 50 set up . I pay aprox $ 333 in " equalization payments " to her each month as well as split all expenses and usually kick in extra .

    She has done a few things contrary to the legal separation agreement that we both have . One being she moved the kids outside of their school district even though it is written that neither of us would, without 90 days notice or a court order . She provided neither . Now my 18 year old son refuses to go live with her because it is too far from his college and he prefers not to have to travel every day this distance. He does not drive .

    My mother has graciously offered to let him live with her as she lives near his new school and he can walk . We figure his total expenses for a month of room and board would cost anywhere from $ 700 up if he tried to rent on his own . I have asked my ex to contribute $ 350 towards this per month but she refuses . She says $ 100 per month is all she would allow . She also has yet to pay for any of his tuition even though she is supposed to cover 1/3 of it .

    Incidently, she is renting her old house out to friends for $ 1000 month and moved in with her new boyfriend .

    I figure the added rental income should just about negate my need for " equalization payments " .

    I am willing to negotiate but she refuses . Short of taking her to court, what other recourse do I have . I am not sure if she will go to mediation .

    Spending $ 500 to recoup $ 350 seems futile

  • #2
    "We figure his total expenses for a month of room and board would cost anywhere from $700 up if he tried to rent on his own"

    Ah, but he is not renting alone, he is staying with family. He is not incurring the actual expenses that you are trying to recoup from her. She is offering $100 because she figures that an 18 year old boy would be using roughly $200 worth of groceries and utilities at grandma's house, and she is probably right.

    If I were you, I would take the $100, and give that to grandma, along with the $100 that you should be giving, and then wait for grandma to indicate if the cost for your son to stay there is higher. If she can demonstrate that, then your ex might budge, because it would then be actual costs.

    Of course the other approach is to pursue her for full child support since your son no longer lives with her, but if he is staying with grandma and not with you, then it might complicate your case. Either way, if he isn't living with mom, you can certainly stop paying her for the 18 year old's portion of the equalization .

    As for the 1/3 of the tuition, I have to ask, how long is the program and how much is the tuition? The total amount that is at stake will tell you whether or not it is worth pursuing her for that share.

    Comment


    • #3
      The difference in CS due to her rental income would be about $120/ month i.e. difference between 3-kids table amount for $30,000 vs $36,500 income.

      $6500 is her $1000*12 rent minus expenses (property tax, insurance and utilities). If she has a significant mortgage, the interest would also be an expense that could take this $6500 down to $0.

      Also your legal cost estimate of $500 is low by a factor of 10.

      Agree with the $100 response from straighttohell. Though I'd estimate real costs for (18yo boy's) food+utils at $350/mo (assuming he is packing lunch from the house).
      Last edited by dinkyface; 09-05-2014, 09:37 AM.

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      • #4
        ^^ You are not factoring in anything for rent or utilities. The cost of someone living in your house is higher than just groceries. $200 may cover food, but it is unlikely to cover anything else. $700 may be on the high side, but is not unreasonable.

        I would expect $500 to be a closer number. Factoring in some amount for renting the room, utilities (heat, hydro, cable, water etc), food and other ancillary amounts. Just because it is grandma's house, doesn't mean all that stuff is free.

        Also, if the child is not attending your ex's house, I would cease paying her c/s. Technically, if you have the child more than 60% of the time, she would owe you c/s. But getting that from her may be difficult if she is unwilling to pony up more than $100 now. I would simply pay the amount you were to give the ex to grandma, plus get the ex to provide her $100. That gets some money to grandma for the room, it stops you from giving the ex money they aren't entitled to, and also forces the ex to contribute (even if nominally).

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        • #5
          I figured the monthly expenses based on 4 students sharing a house near the school at $300 each plus 1 months worth of groceries, internet and cable, heat, hydro,

          Water etc. I don’t know what its worth to have your meals cooked for you and your laundry done for you .

          I based the $ 500 expense for the mediator only, not court costs, lawyer etc. as I would try that road first .

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          • #6
            Your calculations aren't bad, but your ex is going to argue (somewhat successfully) that a number of the costs listed aren't actually being incurred.

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            • #7
              Originally posted by Straittohell View Post
              Your calculations aren't bad, but your ex is going to argue (somewhat successfully) that a number of the costs listed aren't actually being incurred.
              They ARE being incurred, just by the grandmother. They should either pay their CS amounts to her or they should pay her their share of the expenses proportional to income.

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              • #8
                The consumables like food, water, electricity, heat, etc. are being incurred, and my previous post certainly recognized that the grandmother needed to be compensated for that.

                What is harder to nail down, and what is something that the mom can drag out, is whether grandma should be paid any rent. That's why I'm suggesting that taking the $100 and then focusing on the matter of tuition would be the most expedient way to get anywhere on this.

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                • #9
                  Can I take the $ 333 I would normally give her and just give it directly to grandma or do I have to give it to my ex who then has to give it to her ?

                  Would the courts see that as neglecting child support ?

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by sens19 View Post
                    Can I take the $ 333 I would normally give her and just give it directly to grandma or do I have to give it to my ex who then has to give it to her ?

                    Would the courts see that as neglecting child support ?
                    You mentioned the child rarely goes to your ex's. So if the child rarely goes there, you likely have the child more than 60% of the time (when not at grandma's). So she should pay you c/s.

                    You should send an offer that as the child doesn't reside with the ex 40% (or more) of the time, that you cease c/s and will direct that amount to the kid. See how she reacts.

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                    • #11
                      If the $333 is exclusively for your son, and not any other kids, and your son is no longer living with her, then you can pretty much stop paying her.

                      If you go through FRO or the non-Ontario equivalent, you need to call them and advise them of the change, and fill in a form or two or three lol.

                      If you guys have been operating without an agreement, you can cease to pay her and then work out whatever you want with grandma and your son.

                      If your ex wants to get mad about it, she can, but she will be laughed out of court if she tries to take you there.

                      "Hey Mr. Judge, my son doesn't live with me anymore, and he goes to school, and he's 18 years old, but can you please make my ex keep paying me child support for him? Oh, and just ignore my ex's counter claim on your desk that kind of mentions how I don't want to pay for any share of my son's tuition. Thanks for the free money!"

                      Looks pretty bad when one words it that way!

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                      • #12
                        No the 333 is for all 3 kids.

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                        • #13
                          If the other kids still go to mom as usual, then you just take the 18 year old's $111 portion off of the amount.

                          No wonder she is willing to pay Grandma the $100, she is doing it with money that is really no longer hers!

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                          • #14
                            Correct .

                            So I then reasoned with her that since she is renting out her house to her friends and those people are essentially paying her mortgage for her and she now has half the household expenses that she used to have ( by moving in with the boyfriend ) that it is only fair that she lets me give the rest of the money to my mom and / or she starts paying for tuition etc.

                            I figured that plus the fact that she never gave me written notice of the move 90 days in advance would be enough to get her to agree to something. Didnt work . She would prefer to spend a fortune and go to court . I guess she figures I will just drop it cause I hate to pay lawyers anything based on past performance.

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                            • #15
                              The part about her renting her house out and then pocketing savings by living with her boyfriend is not entirely your business though. My ex has her boyfriend living with her, but I can't use whatever amounts he contributes to her household to lower her child support.

                              What HammerDad mentioned correctly, though, is that the increase to her income will have an impact next year, when you guys exchange tax information to determine your incomes and corresponding child support. This recent move of hers, and recent renting of her house, is too soon, and the overall tax implications too unknown, for you to really use that.

                              Your ability to cancel support to her for the 18 year old, and then to get support in turn on his behalf, is where you will have the best luck.

                              You don't need to take her to court, you can just take that $111 off, and then, in theory, since she owes you support, take whatever amount she owes you for support off of the remaining $222 that are for the other two kids. Then, she gets to be the one that tries to figure out if it is worth it to go to court.

                              She really doesn't have much of case if the 18 year old is not living with her.

                              Comment

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