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  • He thinks spousal support is optional

    I was married for eleven years. I was a SAHM, while he makes $90,000. At our settlement conference, he offered me $150 a month is spousal. We asked for $750. He refused. We ended up going to court on a motion. The judge ordered he pay $1222 in child support (he was giving me $1150), and $1200 in spousal. Suddenly, he comes forward with a doctor's note, saying due to a medical condition (arthritis), he can only work two days a week. He says he wants an immediate reduction to $0 in spousal and just over $500 a month in child support. He shows no proof that he's actually working two days a week, other than one direct deposit slip, but no actual pay stub.

    My lawyer puts it in the order, that he has 60 days for me to perform "due diligence" to make sure he is only working the reduced days as he claims. This included a medical package asking for consent to speak to his doctors directly, a letter from his employer stating which aspects of his job he can't complete due to his condition (he does not do manual labour), letter from the insurance company stating they won't give him subsidy as he claims, original pay stubs, etc. Only after he provides that information, will we allow a reduction in support.

    Well, the entire time he had those 60 days, he still did not pay me one nickel in spousal. The order was made in February, the 60 days was given in April and he has not paid spousal even for one month since the original order. In the meantime, the 60 days has come and gone, he did not provide even one piece of the information provided, including something as simple as a pay stub, and still no spousal support. Now with FRO terminating deductions, I'm not even getting child support. My lawyer gave him a further 60 days to provide me with the information asked for, though I don't know why.

    The order says that only AFTER he gives the medical info, will we reduce the support. I am getting nothing. Can this not be enforced? If he was making as little as he claims, he wouldn't even be able to pay his rent. As of now, he's taking my kids to movies, the zoo, out to dinner all the time, buying them expensive toys and video games. Meanwhile, I can't even send them to camp this summer or buy them shoes. I don't know how to go about getting my support. Is this not contempt of a court order?

  • #2
    The best advice I can think of is to get a job. That way you will not depend on him. And when you start receiving that support money, you will be able to do all that extra stuff as well.

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    • #3
      I'm not as interested in doing extra stuff, as much as I would like to clothe and feed them. I would love nothing more than to get a full time job, but a) he keeps dragging our case on and on, which requires me to be at appointments and court so often, I'd get fired from any job I had (I was working part time, but had to stop for the past eight weeks because of this legal crap) and b) I would have to find child care once working full time, and he has refused to pay any section 7s for over a year and half, and I can't afford to pay that on my own.

      The spousal support isn't as much as an issue, but his children deserve to be supported by him. I would love to be able to get out there and work full time, but I also have two kids who have special needs, and before I get out there, I want to make sure their medical and emotional needs are looked after. Regardless, even if I was working full time, making good money, he still has to pay child support.

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      • #4
        Don’t get me wrong, you were SAHM and you definitely deserve a spousal support, at least for some time.

        But for your own good, I would suggest that you make more effort in securing a job, instead of fighting in court.

        Keep in mind that your ex had to be away from his job as much as you did as he is part of the same legal proceedings as you are. Maybe he had to take some kind of leave in that order? Maybe all these legal proceedings had an impact on his mental health? Based on your comments, it would seem that he is not allowed to reduce his income even though he has some medical issues. But, it is okay for you to lose a job.

        And yes I agree, kids should be support by BOTH their parents. You do realise that by losing your job, your contribution to the financial support of your kids is lower as well.

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        • #5
          1. Court procedings is NO EXCUSE not to have a job. Most of us here work full time, and some even self rep. It is your duty to provide support for your kids.

          2. Your Lawyer should be pushing this forward. Since he did not pay his spousal, did not supply the documentation, you need to continue moving forward in court.
          Was there an order requiring him to supply all that info and documentation? If not then you need to file a motion to ask for disclosure and to enforce payment of CS (based on his last income..not the one he "claims" he makes now but does not "prove")and the agreed upon SS.

          It is not your responsibility to prove he is not working...it is HIS responsibility to prove that he cannot. What you have to show is that he has been working for X number of years, making X number of $$ and working at full time hours.

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          • #6
            I agree that is no reason to not have a job, but that along with the fact that I've been out of the working world for 13 years, and what I am trained to do, will not make enough money for child care. I can't get him to help pay for therapy for my kids, so no way will agree to help with child care or camp. I would love to re-train for something that will let me be far more self-sufficient, but right now, that's no possible. I would also like a job, because believe it or not, I need a break from being a full time mom. It's really exhausting! I start back at my job next week, which will hopefully get my foot in the door for full time employment from the same employer. I have been taking steps, or the judge would have been saying the same thing you are.

            There was an order stating that he had to provide proof...not of his medical condition, but that he really isn't working more than two days a week. He was unable to, because it's simply not true. We were in court last month, and he accidentally admitted that he was indeed working every day. My lawyer said we can subpoena the transcript from the courts to prove it. He also only wears a tensor band on the days he's in court about finances. He never wears one outside of court. I honestly can't believe the lengths he'll go to, to get out of paying support. He expect that my mother will take care of our kids, because when we were married, and he was blowing all our money, she bought them clothes and paid for their swimming lessons, etc. I once had a savings, but had to cash everything in, to dig us out of the debt he put us in.

            I know you don't know us, but he doesn't care about anything but himself. He never paid support to his first child (I never knew this until the end of our marriage), so the fact that he's trying to get out of supporting his other kids, shouldn't really surprise me. I know that I can get a job, which is why I'm willing to give up the spousal support (which the judge was very adamant that I should have), but child support is something he needs to owe up to.

            As for him missing work, he is very fortunate to work for a Canadian company, which treats their employees really well. He has no issue getting off of work whenever he wants and they do no penalize him.

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            • #7
              sounds like you have a perfect solution staring you in the face. He has time due to only working 2 days a week and you need a break perhaps he should have custody for awhile so you can get a job and have a break form being a full time mom. maybe you could agree on EOW and you can do it part time?

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              • #8
                You are through FRO? Why are they terminating deductions? I would be pushing them to make sure they are enforcing the order.

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                • #9
                  i can understand someone being a SAHM for a while but once the kids are in school fulltime, why not get out in the world and work?? Lots of women do it and still manage to do the stuff around the house. You will not be so helpless and depending on the ex to still support you. The job you are going back to may not work out or not but thats not his fault.

                  Love the excuse my friend has for this (I totally disagree) She says she cant work in case the kids are sick and need to be picked up from school. Hell she doesnt drive and anytime the kids have been sick, the father had to take off work to pick them up and he doesnt work in town.

                  If he never paid CS for his first child, the chances of you being successful are pretty slim, he already knows all the tricks to getting out of paying it and probably will use every last one of them.

                  Tell him you will not persue SS if he makes good on the CS. Tell him if he doesnt then you will take him to court for everything and let the chips fall where they may.
                  Last edited by standing on the sidelines; 06-16-2012, 07:55 AM.

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                  • #10
                    If she was a stay at home mom during the whole marriage than he is responsible to pay support, typically there is a time frame for spousal to be paid.
                    It is awful how anyone can justify not paying child support, the kids needs dont wait on it. I am also dealing with it with my daughter and he hasnt paid support for 4 mnths. Which he disagrees with the court ordered amount..Good luck

                    Comment

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