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  • When to introduce new 'friend' to daughter

    Hello all. My wife and I seperated 4 months ago. Since then, I started dating someone, who I just recently moved in with. I have every intention of this new friend of mine being around for a long long long time. And as my daughter is so very important to me and my life, I very much want my new friend to meet her, as my daughter is really apart of me. My daughter is 3. Any suggestions on when this can be done? The last thing I want to do is upset or confuse my daughter. What's best for the child in this situation? Any thoughts or experiences anyone can share? Thanks!

  • #2
    Giller,

    I think you daughter is young even to understand what has happened between you and her mother.

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    • #3
      Given her young age, is it okay to just go ahead and introduce her? My exwife is very concerned about the impact it will have on Sydney, but I am unsure as to whether or not she is more concerned with herself or our daughter. I am finding it very difficult to be impartial here. Any and all suggestions would be most welcome!

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      • #4
        Mother nature gives you a two year lease on love ... after that, the fun begins.

        Children are extremely intelligent and do understand at 3 what is going on ... any chance of reconcilliation with ex?

        You're moving quick. I believe they call it ... um, rebounding? I'd wait it out, but if you must make introductions, keep it very civil and low key in front of the child.

        God gave you the gift of choice, choose and live with the consequences is one part of life.

        Hubby

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        • #5
          Kind of the same situation I was/am in.

          I met a new friend after 6 months, started dated and introduced after almost 2 months to my daughter (just casual hello). Then from there it was gradual. After almost 10 months my daughter still only spends time with my g/f and I about 25% of the time.

          I'm curious though... do you have overnight visits with your daughter? This is the main issue with my situation right now - as my x doesn't believe that my g/f won't stay overnight when I have my daughter - so no more overnights at the moment.

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          • #6
            No, we don't have overnight visits at this time, as I am living with my GF. I live about an hour away, so go up once or twice through the week after work, and then usually head up after Church on Sunday for a few hours in the afternoon. We just stay at the house, or go do some shopping or to the park when the weather allows...
            My ex-wife is very concerned that meeting someone new at this stage will just cause Sydney more confussion. I just don't see how this could affect a 2.5 year old simply by meeting someone. It's driving me crazy, cause unfortunately, all I can think is that my exwife is just doing it out of spite. I am having trouble being impartial here.

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            • #7
              In my opinion kids meet new people all the time.. it depends how you introduce this 'friend' to your daughter... As in my situation, for the first little while my g/f was just that - a friend - like any of my male or female friends. I think it raises some concern if you start showing effection, or if they're around all the time etc right away in front of your daughter with someone else. I think time-lines very in everyone's opinion.

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              • #8
                Slow down a little

                You are moving a little quickly..how long were you married? Your new girlfriend is now filling a hole in your heart. I was seperated for almost 7 months and never thought I would now be attempting to work the marraige back out of the horrible cleft it was in. You may be "in love" but don't let the stars in your eyes blind you to what your daughter still sees...Mommy and Daddy. Your are both her whole world. Do what you feel you must to make yourself happy but keep your daughter happy to happy too, little eyes are not blind.

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                • #9
                  I think you should introduce your daughter to your new friend. If your daughter is anything like mine, she will quickly make friends with your friend. Mostly children are like this in their early years. And if you decide to become more then friends, a good daughter and mother connect should be formed.

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                  • #10
                    The earlier the better. The younger the better too.

                    Try introducing a "friend" to a teenage daughter or son.. its a nightmare

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                    • #11
                      Thats right Homer, I went through that.
                      They in most cases do not care or want to know your new partner. They hold resentment towards them.

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                      • #12
                        Woah there..

                        No offense but you did meet a woman quick...If I was the ex-wife, I would be VERY hurt and feel as if you have disrespected me. Then again, your ex-wife isn't me so it might be different...

                        Anyhows, I think you should ask the ex-wife FIRST before doing anything. Talk about it with her, ask her if it sounds resonable or what not. Your daughter may seem young but she will understand who this "new lady" is. Really, children learn fast and grasp ideas.

                        I wish you good luck.

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                        • #13
                          They do grasp ideas and learn fast, but this is tough for them.
                          Accepting someone who isnt their real father or mother is tough.

                          I went through the same thing and it took me close to 10 years to gain acceptance.

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                          • #14
                            I agree with the many. I think you're definitely moving a bit too fast. Were you seeing this girlfriend before you seperated from your wife? Is she the reason you're no longer together?

                            I'd hesitate to let your daughter meet your new "girlfriend" until there's absolutely no chance you and your wife will get back together. If she meets her, then you get back with your wife, she might always think you "cheated" on her mom. Yes, I know, she's 2.5 but having a kid that age myself I can tell you they remember more and are more intuitive than you imagine.

                            Word to the wise: USE CAUTION.

                            You don't want to ruin your relationship with your daughter. Nor, do you want to always wonder if you're why she needs therapy or is afraid to enter into a long-term relationship.

                            Of course, this is just my opinion. Feel free to live with the consequences as hubby mentioned in an earlier post.

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                            • #15
                              life changes. people move on. if its legitamate to you, your ex and child should come to terms with that. Try to make it such that it makes few waves when you do it, but 'cést la vie'.

                              Of course... Make sure you are doing it for the right reasons. Be clear on that within yourself - and then don't look back.

                              Comment

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