Would you get married again?

[The Iceberg]

After going through the perils of divorce/family law, would you take the leap of faith and ever get married again?

I intend to get married again hopefully by the age of 40

Do you feel that your divorce experience has taught you how to be a better spouse in the future - or has it made you fearful of ever trusting again?

Both. So this time I would try to avoid the mistakes I was making then but also gotta do all I can to make sure she is "the one".

@Arabian: Thanks for the laugh with that sentence that you are scared you might bump into someone who is only looking to get hot meal, laundry done etc..LOL

[Janibel]

^^^I don't blame you at all at your age, go for it.
Arabian makes a good point - for those of us over 50 somethin' who where chained to the kitchen sink, we don't want to go back to a life of servitude. Retirement should be about having fun and exploring all the things you never had time to do before.

I went on a few dates that felt like job interviews ewww ... if it clicks it clicks - I'm in no hurry ...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWXNm9b6pKs

[arabian]

I went on a date once (perhaps my last). The thing that struck me the most (aside from the earwax and enormous wart in the middle of his face) was how hard I had to work to keep a conversation going. He just sat there with a stupid grin on his face whilst staring at my breasts. I very quickly conjured up excuses as to why I had to leave RIGHT AWAY FAST. The only thing this toad managed to say was how lonely he was, lived with his mother, kids grown. It was dreadful.

[Janibel]

LMAO!!!Nightmare! My last date was no better, the guy invites me to a very jazzy restaurant so I'm really looking forwards to this date. Long story short he spends the evening telling me all about his health problems - explaining the details of his latest surgery .... bon appetit, yeah right!

[The Iceberg]

hahahah you guys are incredible. I couldnt stop laughing @ health problems conversation. Arabian, imagine you marry that guy and live with him then you have a mother in law....he would perhaps prefer you call her mom lol.

[rockscan]

Im pushing 40 and had resigned myself to singlehood before meeting my man. I had told myself no divorced men because I didnt want the drama. Boy did I get the drama but I also got a good man that was unappreciated! I have proven to him again and again how I am the anti-ex. He has learned he could be with a strong independent woman who doesnt treat him like shit.

You can be cautious and protective and thats understandable. Im just saying dont immediately say never or no or not going to happen because you may miss out on what you missed out on with your ex.

[Rioe]

I guess at my age and profession and parenting stage, it's just about impossible to meet men to date. The idea of online dating scares me.

I'm an introvert though, and perfectly okay on my own. The only time I miss having a partner is when I have had a particularly great day and wish I could share it with someone.

[undersc0re]

I am exactly the same way!

[Janibel]

I guess at my age and profession and parenting stage, it's just about impossible to meet men to date. The idea of online dating scares me.

Someone in here (I can't remember who) no less than a week ago commented that most of us met our Ex's the old fashioned way - and look how well that turned out.

[annapurna66]

I agree with Rockscan....I am open to marriage. Just not sure I see it in the cards. I understand Rioe...my profession, age and responsibility to my kids also makes dating very hard. You have to kiss a lot of frogs to meet your prince...I have certainly done that! With my ex being the largest toad of them all! I find that divorce can screw people up...either making them too willing to settle in the "early post separation stage" because they are scared and lonely...or too cautious in the "many years after divorce stage" because they have become self protective or too independent. When your dating pool is mostly divorcees...it becomes a challenge to find someone at the right stage. I also think that while marriage is great(or can be, I hear) being single is also great. Society doesn't always see it this way though...we are still a marriage focused community. I was young when I married and naive. I think everyone who is getting married should spend a day reading posts from this forum....would put some perspective into something that has a 52 percent failure rate. Hmmm...maybe I'm not so open to marriage after all, hahaha!

[Janibel]

I think everyone who is getting married should spend a day reading posts from this forum....would put some perspective into something that has a 52 percent failure rate. Hmmm...maybe I'm not so open to marriage after all, hahaha!

I agree annapurna66, ODF has been quite an education for me as well! Before joining here I naively expected that the courts would take care of all my separation/divorce problems - that "justice" would prevail. I honestly thought that separation/divorce agreements were enforceable once signed!

What a shock to witness first-hand the corruption and extortion that is Canadian family law. It's a BIG business profiting from our failure. I'm thankful that our son was an adult so no custody war was started.
It's truly heartbreaking to read some of the stories in here concerning small children ... yes, anyone considering marriage should by all means spend a day in here.

[joehobo]

Isn't it more a question of if you would live with another person... not so much get married? You are as good as married once you've been under the same roof for a while.

For me, its early days (the ex essentially choked me out of the relationship, I had to be the one to throw in the towel). I adored her.... but I cannot believe (now) why I did. Its like a multi-year fog of stress has been lifted. I am more content than I have been in my entire life.

That said. I'm 54. I've had 1/2 my assets taken, and I'm not retiring next year as planned. So I will be approaching the next relationship with a balance sheet in mind. I can't afford to go through this again!! If I meet a perfect match, we will (if nothing else) have to have a 50/50 stake equity in the mat home.

Dating mid-fifties is interesting to say the least. Its not easy... the older people get, the more they seem to shut off possibilities and stick with "sameness". I'm moving in the opposite direction... pretty much saying "Yes" to every new opportunity.

So I keep plugging away... online dating.... flirting with some possibles. Maybe I'll connect with a good match, but I'm not settling and I'm not holding my breath.

I think annapurna66 hit the nail with " too willing to settle......or too cautious " . My experience (so far), has been nice coffee or drinks dates. The key word here is "nice". I'm not pursuing unless I feel some electricity, and so far its been a blackout.

Rioe... leverage Online Dating for what it is. Its a lot of work filtering and .... but at least its a larger pool. Maybe women have more work in this venue for dating though?

BTW Ladies, I am ear wax free, no warts... full head of hair... very fit... pretty decent looking (not George Clooney, but told I should not have any issues getting dates)... not a player... I do EVERYTHING on my own (cooking multi-ethnic dinners, cleaning, laundry, renovations, parenting)... financially stable... small baggage.... and I have not had more than two dates in a row.

Its not easy! From finding someone who might be fun to go out with, to scheduling a date (not easy with two sets of lives).. to meeting and actually enjoying being with that person (being attracted both physically and intellectually). I'm going to keep plugging away, because I do think a shared life can be more fulfilling.
Any LT relationship for me will be approached with open eyes and a modicum of caution this time 'round

[Janibel]

I don't know why but reading about George Clooney and renovating in the same sentence makes me feel happy (sigh...) Ladies, do you agree?

Jokes aside, dating at a certain age, does have it's perils. The rules of the game have changed a lot over the years - now it's mostly online. Personally I'm not comfortable with that venue, feels like looking through a Sears catalog? next, next, maybe, next ....

[arabian]

likewise Janibel - wouldn't consider online dating. I like to look someone in the face and yes, ask many questions and see their facial reactions and general demeanour. If a man has poor manners then that's another definite "no."

I am going to a greenhouse today and then to a golf course. Those are interests of mine and that is where I'd much prefer to meet someone. A library/bookstore would be another place.

[Janibel]

I am going to a greenhouse today and then to a golf course. Those are interests of mine and that is where I'd much prefer to meet someone. A library/bookstore would be another place.

As far as marriage/dating candidates are concerned that would be the best course of action - similar interests. At least you have something you both feel passionate about as an ice-breaker.

With online dating there's no way of knowing who the person sitting in front of the computer screen really is? Sparks can't fly without physical contact. Like I posted earlier, my last date was a flop. He was nice and all that, but once I met him in person, it took about 5 minutes to know that there was no chance of it leading to anything serious.

Maybe my aversion to marriage has more to do with the fact that I live in Quebec where 'shacked-up' couples are free to live together without all the legal hassles. Less of a risk at least financially.

Now if only I could find a ol' hippie who's into organic farming, raising animals and is a half-decent guitar player, maybe I'd reconsider my position ... George Clooney had his chance and blew it! hahaha!