Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Moving during litigation

Collapse
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • #76
    Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
    Ummm...nope. best interests of the child actually....the kids are asking why dad isn't as involved. Perhaps you should follow the thread more closely.
    Ange can jump in if I'm wrong but I think you may also want to read the thread a bit more closely. The kids are asking why dad isn't involved with them while they are WITH him. Instead of paying attention to them, he's on the phone a lot, apparently. It doesn't sound like they are asking for more time with dad, they are asking why their dad doesn't spend the time he already has with them.

    It's great for kids to have two equally involved parents. But if one parent already has a pattern of ignoring the kids and their needs during that parent's time, why should that parent get even more time?

    The hard part for Ange is to provide proof of her ex's disinterest. I hope she's journalling things like him not doing homework with them, but it's best done from the perspective of how awesome she is at it, not at how awful he is.

    She can read between the lines all she likes about him being a hypocrite about his efforts to renovate his home 'for the children' and then turn around and sell it, or about how he didn't show the least bit of interest in 50-50 until the CS amounts were changing in her favour. Her case will be made or broken by focusing on the best interests of the children.

    This is how the Disney dad problem starts. If a dad doesn't have enough time with the children to feel like a parent instead of a visitor, then yes, less parenting will happen during dad's time, as he makes an effort to maximize fun. Bump that father up to 50-50, and there will be more time available for the chores and the homework and the proper parenting to occur.

    Comment


    • #77
      Originally posted by Rioe View Post

      This is how the Disney dad problem starts. If a dad doesn't have enough time with the children to feel like a parent instead of a visitor, then yes, less parenting will happen during dad's time, as he makes an effort to maximize fun. Bump that father up to 50-50, and there will be more time available for the chores and the homework and the proper parenting to occur.


      This I agree with... when one has limited time with the children you do your best to make the most of that time. We have my step children EOW... we do homework (if mom sends it, usually she wants them back early to do their homework but that's another story), but usually when the kids are with us on weekends we plan activities, going to the park, playing baseball, sledding, etc... we don't spend the time doing chores or regular household duties usually. Dad and I have two weeks between time for those things.

      However, in the summer when we have week on week off, the kids do have chores, week nights are usually just spent at home doing what we do after work, but with the kids in the mix... it is certainly a different atmosphere in the summer when they are with us for a week than the rest of the year every other weekend. Trust me when I say most weekends are exhausting... we had the kids three weekends in a row this month due to how the weekends and Easter fell and each of those weekends we were back and forth visiting family. It wouldn't necessarily be that way if we had them more regularly because we could do midweek visits with family, etc.

      It is easy to pick apart a parent for "not" doing those things but when you only have your children 4 days a month your focus is not on those things, your focus is on spending time with your children.

      I think both parties are going to have a lot to prove in court and it's going to come down to who has the best argument. Unfortunately I find Ange's arguments weak but we also haven't heard Dads arguments.


      Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

      Comment


      • #78
        Unfortunately I find Ange's arguments weak but we also haven't heard Dads arguments.
        Precisely my thoughts Berner. It's also telling that a judge has already heard both their cases during a recent conference and recommended that dad gets more access. That actually says quite a lot for dad's case.
        Last edited by LovingFather32; 04-28-2017, 08:27 AM.

        Comment


        • #79
          Originally posted by Rioe View Post
          Ange can jump in if I'm wrong but I think you may also want to read the thread a bit more closely. The kids are asking why dad isn't involved with them while they are WITH him. Instead of paying attention to them, he's on the phone a lot, apparently. It doesn't sound like they are asking for more time with dad, they are asking why their dad doesn't spend the time he already has with them.

          It's great for kids to have two equally involved parents. But if one parent already has a pattern of ignoring the kids and their needs during that parent's time, why should that parent get even more time?

          The hard part for Ange is to provide proof of her ex's disinterest. I hope she's journalling things like him not doing homework with them, but it's best done from the perspective of how awesome she is at it, not at how awful he is.

          She can read between the lines all she likes about him being a hypocrite about his efforts to renovate his home 'for the children' and then turn around and sell it, or about how he didn't show the least bit of interest in 50-50 until the CS amounts were changing in her favour. Her case will be made or broken by focusing on the best interests of the children.

          This is how the Disney dad problem starts. If a dad doesn't have enough time with the children to feel like a parent instead of a visitor, then yes, less parenting will happen during dad's time, as he makes an effort to maximize fun. Bump that father up to 50-50, and there will be more time available for the chores and the homework and the proper parenting to occur.
          First of all, I see that your response is to a comment by LF. I see that LF has chimed in about 100 times here, but I can't see what he is writing. Second of all, thank you Rioe for not automatically giving my ex husband the benefit of the doubt, whether you agree with me or not.
          I completely agree that the focus is going to be on the fact that I am more involved and am more instrumental in helping my children at school, rather than going to court to bash my ex. For some people here, the presumption is that I am going to run to the judge and tell them that my ex is a douchebag. Or make it a mobility case or some other garbage I'm not intending to do at all. I intend to bring my "evidence" as best I can and talk about the reasons why the status quo works so well for the kids. I constantly journal about everything. I have years worth of materials that could help my case.
          I agree that "Disney dad" can occur when the dad doesn't have a lot of time. My ex isn't even a Disney dad though. It certainly is possible that he could "change" with more time with the kids, even though the past behaviour is usually the best predictor of future behaviour IMO. This is why I could live with an increase but not 50/50.
          Everyone here knows that increases become status quo. If I give him these 2 days, they will likely become part of the regular schedule permanently. I am willing to do that. I would imagine, and correct me if I am wrong, but it would be pretty difficult to have the 2 days taken away even if the extra time means upset kids, failing grades, or other issues, etc. If I agree to 50/50 I may as well assume it will stick. This is my difficulty.
          Thank you for not assuming/making my comments mean something they don't. I appreciate it.

          Comment


          • #80
            Originally posted by Ange71727 View Post
            I am more involved and am more instrumental in helping my children at school, rather than going to court to bash my ex.
            He doesn't even want court. You do. I've seen pages of "ex bashing" by you also.
            I intend to bring my "evidence" as best I can and talk about the reasons why the status quo works so well for the kids.
            A judge has recently told you to squash status quo and give more access to dad. My opinion is to listen to the judge.
            I have years worth of materials that could help my case.
            If he's been such a BAD parent for YEARS ... why let him have almost 50/50 for years instead of case building? (puke)
            It certainly is possible that he could "change" with more time with the kids
            Too bad you're not willing to give it a whirl.
            Everyone here knows that increases become status quo. If I give him these 2 days, they will likely become part of the regular schedule permanently.
            See Arabian? She's not willing to give him anything. She's denying all extra time .. even saying she doesn't care what the courts think in another post.
            correct me if I am wrong, but it would be pretty difficult to have the 2 days taken away even if the extra time means upset kids, failing grades, or other issues, etc.
            No .. not that difficult. It would be a material change and the extra access would come to a halt.
            If I agree to 50/50 I may as well assume it will stick. This is my difficulty.
            This is great news. If this is your only worry ----> "I'm worried it might not go well". You can go get a change in court if you have the proper evidence.
            Denying an equal relationship because you "think" it might not go well just isn't good enough IMO.

            Comment


            • #81
              Personally I would switch to 70/30 (father/mother) for a month trial while kids are in school and watch the father flail. Your kids would likely be miserable and the father would drop the nonsense once and for all because kids interfered with his life with the g/f. This way you would have documented evidence of children's marks. Unfortunately you might have to have them do some remedial make-up school during the summer. Life with disinterested dad. You would have your kids for the "fun" time - weekends.

              Comment


              • #82
                But what if they stayed the same or did better? This may be her actual fear.

                Point is.....she won't even try. I believe the judge asked her to give more access on a trial run or something ... not even anything permanent. She won't even do that. Are we beginning to see the problem?

                By the way...I love love LOVE Arabians advice. You should try it.
                Last edited by LovingFather32; 04-28-2017, 09:08 AM.

                Comment


                • #83
                  but there won't be any child support for Ange if she agrees to that.. haha I'm kidding Ange. Don't agree to a 70/30 other way around.

                  Comment


                  • #84
                    Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
                    But what if they stayed the same or did better? This may be her actual fear.



                    Point is.....she won't even try. I believe the judge asked her to give more access on a trial run or something ... not even anything permanent. She won't even do that. Are we beginning to see the problem?



                    By the way...I love love LOVE Arabians advice. You should try it.


                    I do think you are choosing to skip over the fact she offered two extra days... you keep saying she isn't offering anything but she has offered extra time, Dad just refused to accept the extra days because he wants no less than 50-50... while I don't agree with not allowing 50-50 I can at least acknowledge that Dad was offered two extra days.

                    Ange, I'm sure this has been answered before but what is the current schedule of the kids? What days does dad have and what days do you have? It's hard to know if he is at 30% or 35% access but if he is at 35% access he would have approximately 11 days a month, adding two extra days would bring him to 40% access in which case offset support would take place. If he only has 30% access he would only have 9 days a month and adding two days would only bring him to 35% access which still wouldn't be considered shared which could be why he is still fighting this.


                    Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

                    Comment


                    • #85
                      Originally posted by Ange71727 View Post
                      Huge difference. Your husband realized his mistake after 1 year. Mine did not ask for any increase to the regular schedule for 8 years.
                      Other major differences: my ex knows about appointments and misses, my ex is on the email lists and is still in the dark. My ex knows about every single sports event and still chooses to miss. My ex volunteered for a class trip last month and then bailed the day before. Would've been his first in their school history.
                      Sorry but your story isn't the same at all.


                      Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
                      You completely missed the point. Good luck in court. I know you're aware of how much court costs. I know I certainly love spending tens of thousands of dollars to fight something because it's the only route we have available to deal with a highly conflicted unreasonable party. I'm sure your ex has NO idea what that's like.

                      Comment


                      • #86
                        Originally posted by Ange71727 View Post
                        Lawyer said he thought it was crazy in this case for my ex to move since he's made such a big deal about having a stable permanent home after renos. He said this was his material change. I asked here because I know lawyers can "tell you what you want to hear". The few opinions I got for my actual question seem to favour the "it doesn't matter" view. I guess I won't really know the answer to this one until it plays out!


                        Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
                        Interesting. So, back to your ex' proposed household move in the midst of litigation re: custody. I ran it by my lawyer this morning on our walk, and he continues to generally concur with yours since the last time we talked. ?? he had - is this move going to be closer to, or further away, from the children's current school?
                        Start a discussion, not a fire. Post with kindness.

                        Comment


                        • #87
                          Originally posted by arabian View Post
                          Personally I would switch to 70/30 (father/mother) for a month trial while kids are in school and watch the father flail. Your kids would likely be miserable and the father would drop the nonsense once and for all because kids interfered with his life with the g/f. This way you would have documented evidence of children's marks. Unfortunately you might have to have them do some remedial make-up school during the summer. Life with disinterested dad. You would have your kids for the "fun" time - weekends.


                          Ya although I am sure dad would "fail" I could never do that to my kids. I already have a psych report detailing that my child shouldn't be passing, yet he is. Hopefully that means something to a judge. Obviously changing things could upset that balance.


                          Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

                          Comment


                          • #88
                            Well my idea is likely not feasible - I just threw that in for shits n giggles. My ex and I often joked through our marriage that if we ever divorced we would fight over who had to take son regardless of the $$$ which is attached to children....

                            I'm curious as well as to location of the new home that your ex is building and its proximity to children's schools. Will he be closer to the school?

                            Comment


                            • #89
                              Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
                              I do think you are choosing to skip over the fact she offered two extra days...
                              Perhaps I'm confused.

                              Because here OP states:
                              I don't think I have indicated that I am comfortable giving him more time - I am comfortable with keeping status quo.
                              http://www.ottawadivorce.com/forum/f...50/index8.html Pg 8 ; permalink # 76
                              And here, she states:
                              Everyone here knows that increases become status quo. If I give him these 2 days, they will likely become part of the regular schedule permanently.
                              She's worried about giving him time because she doesn't want it to stick" or "become status quo" due to her paranoia that their grades may drop or whatever.

                              Given these 2 statements, it's extremely clear that 2 days haven't even been offered.

                              Comment


                              • #90
                                Originally posted by Ange71727 View Post
                                Ya although I am sure dad would "fail" I could never do that to my kids. I already have a psych report detailing that my child shouldn't be passing, yet he is.
                                Obviously you're "failing" if psych reports are saying your kid shouldn't be passing. What type of psychologist says that a child "should" be failing when they're not anyways. Does this sound weird to anyone else?

                                So obviously your kids are not thriving under the current conditions ...a change is definitely needed! (They're thriving...they're not thriving....hard to keep up)

                                Perhaps that's why your conference judge told you to "give him more access". Listen to judges. Judges are smart!

                                Comment

                                Our Divorce Forums
                                Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                                Working...
                                X