Family Wizard

[hadenough]

I'm thinking of looking into using ourfamilywizard. Does anyone have any input based on personal experience with utilizing this tool?

My ex will likely NOT go for it. He probably won't even look at it. Hard to say. I'm told I can sign up for it, and include his email address but obviously I can't make him use it. Given that we do not ever speak, and that there are some issues that need addressing from time to time re: S13, I think it would be a good idea. Currently (and in the past) the ex communicates (usually to S13 via Text Msg) things like - "can't see you this weekend" (cancels some of his access weekends) or "can I get you from school early on (ie) Friday" (because he and his wife and kids are going out of town/roadtrip) etc. Suffice it to say, often I am the last to know about the change in plans. Not very convenient besides being obviously disrespectful towards me.

Recently, although included in our custody/access order - he told S13 that he would no longer be able to pick him up on Wednesdays afterschool b/c he's "very busy" and b/c his wife is bitching at him for not being home more to help with the (very young) kids.

There's other things too, but just thought I'd include a few true examples, verbatim, for 'flavor.'
Any thoughts?

[WorkingDAD]

We use it ...
Main purpose for my case to use it to avoid things like I did not sent it - that was not me... I have to pay for both of us because or mommy on OW...

If there is no order and your ex does not communicating I would say that it will be waist of money.

Saying that you still need to try. I would use it from how helpful that would be for him to have calendar of kid and all info in one place. You can have kid's account there too.

They have 14days trial money back guaranty.

It's not perfect and I have a lot of "would be nice" but there is always something to improve.

[hadenough]

Hi WD and Thank-you. We do have a custody/access order in addition to a CS/SS final order. He ignores the terms of most things, including a Costs order.

I thought I would look into it as it might help streamline/document things in general. I'm just thinking it would be one-sided, and while that defeats most of/or all of the 'purpose" - it also serves as a solid illustration of the OP's lack of cooperation (if he so chooses, not to).

If you get back to this thread, would you care to comment on the "would be nice" you refer to above, with respect to ourfamilywizard? Thanks again.

[Tayken]

It's not perfect and I have a lot of "would be nice" but there is always something to improve.

It isn't "Microsoft Outlook" but, it is immutable and can be easily used as evidence. Furthermore, it has return receipts and lets you know the exact time at which the other parent read the message. No more of the high-conflict "I didn't get your email" crap.

A lot of highly conflicted people don't want to use OFW. This article outlines the reasons better than I can:

Our Family Wizard: An Excellent Tool for Co-Parenting with a High-Conflict Person, Part 1 l Dr Tara J. Palmatier | Shrink4Men

OurFamily Wizard, Part 2: Common Excuses Made by High-Conflict Parents Not to Use OFW and Effective Counter-Arguments l Dr Tara J. Palmatier | Shrink4Men

Good Luck!
Tayken

[hadenough]

^ great articles. Thank-you Tayken.

[eastcoastmom]

I suggested to my ex husband that we sign up for OFW (as he is high-conflict). He said no, that its a waste of money when there is email. I am getting so frustrated with BS Emails he sends me of him trying to orchestrate situations (ex: today he is trying to tell me that I do not give him copies of the kids school letters , etc which is untrue as I always photo copy it and put it in the kids school bags (as he refuses to always get out of his house or the car for exchanges and hides behind a door so I cant give it to him personally), and him stating I dont tell him about kids appointments (again, ex: he was with me at a eye dr appt for our daughter and they made a follow up appt for a year later, as to which he did not go to and is now saying that I did not tell him about it - even though he was there when we made the appointment )
Anyways, I am completely fed up as he is always untruthful to put himself on a pedistal and make me look like the person who is really doing what HE is doing.
Anyways - is OFW useful if only I sign up for it?? Or is it only useful if both parties do? I am almost tempted to pay his part for it too - just to eliminate all this behavior!! (Even though he makes 4x more than me and I can barely pay the $100 from my part).

[hadenough]

I hear you. Have a look @the site. There are definitely some benefits. I need a "wizard" to deal w/my Jack Ass Ex as well. He makes about 4x what I do as well. I understand your frustration.

[Mess]

eastcoastmum, I can't speak for OFW, but in terms of email, send an email after the eye doctor visit and it says when the next one is. Then you have a copy of that email in your sent folder and you can always prove to your ex that you told him. Likewise for anything else.

When I have a verbal conversation with my ex, I always follow up later with an email saying something along the lines of, "Just so I can remember, we talked about blah blah blah today and decided blah. The next blah is on Blahvember the 22nd." So there is always a record of what was said. If he disagrees, you'll get an email back.

I put events like next year's eye doctor, or anything else, on the Outlook calendar on my computer, I set it to send an email reminder to both myself and my ex a few days before any appointment or event. If you don't have Outlook, any internet calendar like Windows Live or Gmail will do the same thing.

If he doesn't want to participate in OFW because of the fee, Outlook if you both have it, or free Gmail calendars will do the same thing. If he still doesn't want to participate, just put events on the calendar and have it send you both a reminder, and then forget about him.

[billiechic]

great ideas Mess.
now any suggestions on how to get my ex to get an email address?

[arabian]

I can understand why your ex doesn't want an email address

[billiechic]

I can understand why your ex doesn't want an email address

FYI: my ex doesn't have email because he doesn't want to pay for internet. It has nothing to do with me, I am an adult, and able to keep my communications with him civil and child-focused. It just causes a problem when it comes down to trying to work out something for our child. Can't send documents through text message.

keep going arabian...just keep going.
from what I have read your advice is garbage and littered with your bitterness against being screwed. Pretty soon nobody will take you seriously. You are not the first bitter person who has littered this board with their self-centred crap. Save your energy for your ex...you have NOTHING to gain from trolling my posts!

[arabian]

Over 2,100 posts on a forum indicates you are in love with your keyboard. Maybe ex just doesn't want to engage.

[HammerDad]

Over 2,100 posts on a forum indicates you are in love with your keyboard. Maybe ex just doesn't want to engage.

Or that she's been here for nearly 3 years and, while she has asked questions of her own, she has also provided useful info to others of what she has learned through her experience here.....kinda like paying it forward.....

[cbarker78]

...

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alright you two.... you're spat has taken over too many other posts where people are genuinely looking for advice... if you want to bicker, fine, please do.... but start your own thread for it, or keep it confined to just one....

requested with absolute respect, and a healthy dose of I-just-don't-give-a-damn-who-said-what!!

[hadenough]

Yeahhhh what's up Doc? I was trying to get Our Family Wizard info. Great idea cbarker. Separate post to just let loose on (the odd times that happens).