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  • visitation schedule alberta

    Hello.
    I have a question about chamge of visitation schedule in alberta.
    We are struggling financially and can not afford a Lawyer but I
    Was hoping someone could give advice here. Thank you in advance.
    My husband has visitation schedule with the kids every other weekend, long weekends, a week over christmas, spring break and two weeks in the summer. He had to change monday morning drop offs to sunday evevenings due to work schedule conflict. His ex would not agree to anything he asks even if it is reasonable and refuses to comminicate in any other way but through lawyers.
    So he had to go to court to change the monday drop off schedule and the judge decided that is fine but now he added every other Wednesday to to schedule. My husband didn't get a chance to say a word and it was decided. He pays thousands of dollars in child support and pays for everything as his ex doesn't work. He does all the driving etc. His divorce left him on the verge of financial bankruptcy and lawsuits from banks due to defaulfing on his debts. He asked his ex if she would agree to cancel the every second Wednesday 5:30-8 pm visitations as they are adding extra cost which he can not afford at this time and suggested they have reasonable parenting arrangement so he can have occasional time with the kids. He is keeping the rest of his visitation schedule as it is. She refuses and says his financial hardship is not her business and he need to stick to the order as she wants those 2 hours of free time.
    What should he do in this case? He is asking for some consideration for a period of time to no avail. It is so hard to cope at this point maintaining a home for 4 children and no help and understanding on her part. Please any advice is much appreciated.

  • #2
    How far does he drive to get the kids?
    Who moved to cause this driving?

    Comment


    • #3
      We live in different parts of town and on those weekdays he has to pick them up at 5:30-5:45 pm depending on work and traffic and drop them off at 8 pm. He spends about 60-75 min driving between their house and ours which leaves about 90min time in our house, plus cost of food. We are in financial distress and sometimes hardly able to buy diapers and baby food for our baby. He asked about temporary change until we sort oir banking issues. How should this case be approached?

      Comment


      • #4
        Well not that I think this is the answer... however has a NCP he can technically just not show up. She is the custodial parent, therefore she is basically responsible for the children. If he doesn't show up, what is she going to do?

        Again, I do not agree with this approach because if he gives up his Wednesday access, he will have a battle getting it back.

        Is there not a library he can go to by the children for this visit? If he was dropping the children off on Monday, I assume he was dropping them off at school... why not offer to keep them overnight Wednesdays and drop them off at school on Thursday?

        I don't mean this to be rude, but are you working as well? While it is not your responsibility to support his children, extra income will help with your home bills.

        If things are very tight with debt/banking issues, have you considered a consumer proposal? I know this isn't what you were asking, but not everyone knows about these options.

        Comment


        • #5
          Guess the honeymoon is over!

          I think the library visit is a great idea.

          Not sure which "town" you live in but 90 minutes to get from one end to the other? In Alberta? Are you talking about driving a vehicle or taking a bus?

          Which party moved? You and your husband or the mother?

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          • #6
            I just don't know what to do at this point. The kids don't have a great rlationship with their dad and very often they leave their mom's house crying. Whn at our house they want to spend all their time in the basement watching tv. All attempts to get them out od the house even for a walk is nothing but resistance. Their mom has been verbally and physically abusive with their dad on several occasions in their presence so all this doesn't make it easy.
            I can't go back to work as I have a wee little baby and even if I do we can't afford child care.
            It is my husband who wants to eliminate the wednesdays for now and his ex is completely unwilling to talk to him except if he offers to take the kids. She doesn't really want the kids 100% but chils support is her only source of income so she can't give it up but trying to get as much time as she can without the kids. She doesn't consider that my husbands job is not free time. He has to work so he can support them.
            It's hard situation.

            Comment


            • #7
              Thank you for the advice Berner_faith. Yes, we were considering consumer proposal but unfortunately that would be hundreds of dollars monthly and don't have this cash right now.

              Comment


              • #8
                How many kids are we talking about here? You mentioned (4) in an earlier post. You have a baby so the other three are your husband's children? I thought it was just 1 child and your baby.

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                • #9
                  Sorry, arabian. I should've clarified that. I have one from a previous marriage, my husband has two and we have a baby together.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Do you receive CS from the father of your child from previous marriage? Do you have a job or any income or is your current husband supporting everyone?

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Pack cereal in a cup and bring milk in a thermos or pack sandwiches for dinner then go to a library or a rec centre and go swimming with the kids. If there is a YMCA around ask them for a membership as they can assist you given your financial situation. They will ensure it is affordable for you.

                      As I see it you have two issues: finances and your relationship with dad's children. I recommend you focus on tangible efforts to develop a healthier relationship with his kids and not make it a self fulfilling prophecy.

                      Many of us have had financial difficulties. I'd be canceling my Internet to afford gas before I gave up seeing my kids.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I am going to put this as nice as possible as I am a new partner too...

                        First, everyone knew his support obligations and the cost to see his children, well before the new baby came around. Those amounts should have been worked into your budget to ensure that having a new baby would not cause financial strain.

                        Second, you have an obligation to support your own children as well. Aside from CS you should be getting from your ex, there also has to be income on your part, be is Mat leave or actual income.

                        Third, you mention your husband pays "thousands" in CS... in Alberta for 2 kids, he would have to make around $75,000 to pay just over $1000. So if he is paying thousands, he would have to be making over $150K a year.

                        That leads me to believe that this isn't really a money earning issue, it is more of poor financial planning, on someones part.

                        I would suggest taking a very hard look at your financials and see where you can cut corners.

                        Do you have home phone, TV, internet? Cut them, use a cell phone, or cut the cell phone and keep the home phone.

                        Do you have vehicle payments? Sell the vehicles so get rid of the payments, you can get a nice use vehicle with no payments.

                        I am having a really hard time wrapping my head around your situation... I could not imagine giving up time with my step children because we couldn't find gas money.

                        Like I said before, because he is a NCP he can technically not show up and there really isn't anything she can do about it, but if he sets up a new status quo by not showing up, he will have a hard time getting that Wednesday back.

                        Mom should not be disadvantaged because he now doesn't want parenting time. Maybe she really does have something to do at that time, but if Mom is really looking for just alone time, why not suggest taking them an extra weekend a month to make up for the missed days?

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                        • #13
                          This comes up time and time again on this forum. I'm just going to outright ask the question.

                          Why do people keep having children they can't afford? I'm at a loss how you can both have children independent of each other and that clearly creates financial hardship. Then you go and have another one. I'm at a loss for words as to why a grown, responsible adult would do something so irresponsible.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            This comes up time and time again on this forum. I'm just going to outright ask the question.

                            Why do people keep having children they can't afford?
                            This is a redundant question. Why do people have children when they can't afford their braces? Do you see the issue? One cannot possibly plan around every thing, especially the things they have no control over. Your issue with braces is basically the same situation as many others. Now, I'm not faulting you for not having disposable income to pay cash for your child's braces, quite frankly it is not my concern and many kids need braces and don't ever get them and still grow up to be law abiding and productive individuals...

                            However, I too find the OP's story to be a bit far fetched. It surely doesn't make sense with the little information posted. In any event, attacking shy someone has children they can't afford doesn't help solve the situation anymore than it does to get braces on a child's teeth.

                            I personally prefer to be more solution oriented. If the OP is lying or misleading so be it.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Serene View Post
                              This is a redundant question. Why do people have children when they can't afford their braces? Do you see the issue? One cannot possibly plan around every thing, especially the things they have no control over. Your issue with braces is basically the same situation as many others. Now, I'm not faulting you for not having disposable income to pay cash for your child's braces, quite frankly it is not my concern and many kids need braces and don't ever get them and still grow up to be law abiding and productive individuals...

                              However, I too find the OP's story to be a bit far fetched. It surely doesn't make sense with the little information posted. In any event, attacking shy someone has children they can't afford doesn't help solve the situation anymore than it does to get braces on a child's teeth.

                              I personally prefer to be more solution oriented. If the OP is lying or misleading so be it.
                              Sorry Serene, I missed the in-utero memo about the baby I was carrying needing braces in 12 years time.

                              I also missed the memo that baby's dad would be a complete arsehole about HIS SHARE of the braces. Because I can certainly afford my share, I just can't afford HIS.

                              But, I certainly didn't sit there and say, "oh my god, I'm so broke I can't afford to even buy milk.....Let's have a baby!"

                              Comment

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