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  • separation agreement, bills, matimonial home

    Here's the condensed version, married with no kids. She left in early February into another mans house. Insisted on paying the phone and hydro for three months and thats it. Her name is on the deed and mortgage and I've been left to pay all the bills. She has left half her personal stuff in the house and not taken any divided contents.

    Now, early on she sent me a couple of separation proposals that has her asking for a lot with zero financial disclosure on her part, shes a credit hound and ran everything up in her name. 62k.

    I refused the proposal without disclosure. Now, she's refusing to do a financial statement or to get the house assessed for me to hopefully buy her out if there's any equity at all, under big renovations when she left. I've changed the locks because of her harrassing behavior, police involve, she even barged into the house and asked for a key and the she was moving back in, police involved by her. They talked her down. She found out I was having a friend over, thats why she was there.

    Questions,
    1 - is she responsible for any bills?
    2 - Is this abandonment of the home?
    3 - How do I get her stuff out of the house?
    4 - Whats the best way to get her motivated towards a separation agreement?
    5 - If she refuses to do a financial statement, do I propose one with what I think her marital debt is?
    6 - She thinks everything I own is a marital asset, I believe it's just whats been acquired during the marraige. If its not a marital asset, does it have to be listed on the financial statement?

    I know, a lot of questions but they should probably help a few people. Thanks in advance.
    Last edited by blinkandimgone; 09-04-2013, 12:19 AM. Reason: edited to make easier to read :)

  • #2
    She's supposed to pay half of the mortgage if her name is on the deed but not the bills. However, good luck getting it.

    If you want/need to sell asap and she's not agreeing you can get a court to order the sale.

    Comment


    • #3
      Originally posted by takeontheworld View Post
      She's supposed to pay half of the mortgage if her name is on the deed but not the bills. However, good luck getting it.

      If you want/need to sell asap and she's not agreeing you can get a court to order the sale.
      She can also ask you for occupational rent... Look into it.

      Basically it's half her house and you need to compensate her for you living in her half. Of course this is mostly offset by you paying the whole mortgage.

      So be careful what you ask for. If she pays half the mortgage you will most likely be ordered occupational rent. If you pay the whole mortgage it's less likely but still possible for you to have to pay occupational rent. Determine what a similar home would rent for. Half of that would be owed to her. If half of that is what her half of the mortgage is it's a balance.

      FYI, since she is on title to the house she can pretty much come and go as she pleases. She has a right to have a key. This gets kind of muddy and I'm not an expert but it then kind of becomes a landlord tenant situation. You should talk to a lawyer asap.
      Last edited by FB_; 09-04-2013, 09:27 AM.

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      • #4
        Agree with FB_

        My ex was not paying his half and was also requesting I pay him occupational rent. The judge said it was nonsense.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by oink View Post
          I changed the locks on ours once she moved out, but the house is still up for sale, which is what I wanted initially. So in otherwords, am just paying the mortgage till it sells

          I know you aren't supposed to but I did as well. I actually went and bought a whole knew doorknob/lock stuff. I figured it was cheaper to do myself than call a locksmith...might have been cheaper but it sure was not easier.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by oink View Post
            OP.....here is the short and skinny before others chime in

            1. how long were you married / together
            2. Did she work
            3. if her name is on the deed, then you both own the house...keep receipt for you are paying
            4. you both have to do a financial disclosure to sort out the finances
            5. write a letter giving her time to come get her stuff i.e. enough notice
            6. don't get involved in confrontation that can turn into domestic abuse (protect yourself man)
            7. get a combination safe to keep all your stuff in

            8. don't get drawn into a text msg war

            9. it doesn't matter what she thinks, the law is what it is...educate yourself with family

            10. you've come to the right place
            Thanks for the responses guys.
            1..married 4.5 years, together for 7
            2..she works at a good job, doesn't quite make what I make.
            3..will gather receipts from date of separation.
            4..she refuses to do a financial statement, asked many times.
            She wants me to counter her proposed separation proposal,
            no way without disclosure.She claiming way more marital
            debt than actually is.
            5..I can give her a letter but she will ignore it for sure, what to
            do then? She ignores every request, everything has to be her way
            and on her time.
            6..She started on me and then said she was scared of me, she can call the
            police and then proceeded to push me and run the door over my foot.
            I said don't worry I will. I did and she took off, officer said he's glad I did
            and that she can't come to the house without a police escort, which she
            has ignored. The "scared" ex came in the house and stood in front of me demanding a key, she's moving back in or does she have to call the police.
            I said yes, you shouldn't be here. They came and more or less said to
            her if we have to come back who do you think we're taking away? I'm avoiding confrontation as much as I can.
            7..I have papers put away.
            8..I have any text messages printed out
            9..I have a lawyer, I know what the law is, she on the other hand refuses
            to get one, judging by her perception of family law.

            Comment


            • #7
              I changed the locks after she had her new man in the house when I was gone. Officer said he was glad, they don't want things to escalate. With her gone since February, would it be easy to get exclusive possession? She moved from our house to his in 4 days after finding the sexting. She has a permanent place of residence but refuses to pick the rest of her stuff up or redirect her mail.

              Comment


              • #8
                gratz on not having kids with this tramp, whatever happens it will be over soon.

                I Wonder if you can claim occupational rent when YOU decide to abandon the house.

                Comment


                • #9
                  I may be wrong here, but if she has another permanent address than you are within your right to change the locks and she can no longer come and go. She has to give you notice. She is entitled to inspect the property, but again has to give you notice.

                  The longer she is out of the house, the better it is for you. What is your lawyer saying about this?

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    As I've gone/going through something similar I can sympathize.

                    The one comment I'd make, if she racked up the 62k prior to a sep. date your on the hook for half. So....in theory she could have lined up a lawyer and your paying for half.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Jeep66 View Post
                      Now, early on she sent me a couple of separation proposals that has her asking for a lot with zero financial disclosure on her part, shes a credit hound and ran everything up in her name. 62k.

                      I refused the proposal without disclosure. Now, she's refusing to do a financial statement or to get the house assessed for me to hopefully buy her out if there's any equity at all, under big renovations when she left. .

                      Is your name on the mortgage? Are the debts joint?

                      If not, id have an real estate agent come look at the house, and find out what you might get for it.

                      If there isn't significant equity in the house, as you suggest there might not be:

                      1. have your lawyer craft a nice little letter telling her that your leaving the house in 30 days, and you will not be paying the mortgage after that point. She is welcome to move back in, since her sh!t is all still there anyway.

                      2. include in the letter that until full financial disclosure is made, you will not be accepting, nor responding to any of her fishing-trip settlements.

                      3. move out before the letter is even sent, take your stuff, and pay to the end of 30 days. Think of it as a "get away from drama surcharge". If she comes to your new place call the cops, she has no right or reason to be there.

                      4. Don't talk to her. Get a therapist if you need someone to talk to.

                      5. wait awhile, slam her with divorce papers, if she is the financial nightmare you describe, she isn't going to have money to buy a pen to sign the papers.


                      I know a few people (two different professional women without children) that did the above, and ended up with an uncontested divorce. There was debt in each case from the marriages - solo visa accounts, as opposed to joint. (These 2 women told their ex's that unless a judge told them they had to pay it wasn't going to happen).

                      The respondents were all talk about how they were going to get this and get that (huge alimony for paying for school/ supporting them/ etc) have the debt of marriage paid etc, and in the end they didn't even get themselves a lawyer.

                      just my 2 cents

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by oink View Post
                        If am not mistaken, you can't file for divorce whilst all the other issues (financials et al) are still outstanding?
                        Yes, you can. You file the applications for everything together and ask to sever the divorce from corollary relief.

                        This is typically much easier to do when there are no children involved as Judges are not so inclined to do so until any custody/access/CS issues are resolved.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Links17 View Post
                          gratz on not having kids with this tramp, whatever happens it will be over soon.

                          I Wonder if you can claim occupational rent when YOU decide to abandon the house.
                          I have worse words than tramp....lol. She told the new guy we were separated, she was sleeping down and I was sleeping up, when he came here with her he went downstairs to see there was no bed, his words. Now he's making his own bed keeping her. She did the same to her last husband with me. Did find out till this spring.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
                            I may be wrong here, but if she has another permanent address than you are within your right to change the locks and she can no longer come and go. She has to give you notice. She is entitled to inspect the property, but again has to give you notice.

                            The longer she is out of the house, the better it is for you. What is your lawyer saying about this?
                            Quoting her, she can do anything she wants. Ok, if she does get a locksmith and comes in, what happens if she takes or damages items that I've purchased after separating because the place looks nicer now and this will piss her off. Well, a lot nicer because the slob is gone.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Originally posted by North of 40 View Post
                              As I've gone/going through something similar I can sympathize.

                              The one comment I'd make, if she racked up the 62k prior to a sep. date your on the hook for half. So....in theory she could have lined up a lawyer and your paying for half.
                              Probably over half of the 62k was before marraige, she also came in the relationship with debt . Part of it was 8k for breast implants a few months before I met her. She put a downpayment from a student rental on her line of credit that we bought. We have since sold that and rolled part into the marital house and paid some bills.

                              Comment

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