Hi All,
“Missing Mommy” looking for input, advice, or available resources on how to deal with that issue (children are 4)
A brief summary of my situation -
-I'm the second husband of my ex
-My ex has 2 children (now 11 and 8) from that marriage
-At time of our marriage my ex's 2 children lived full time with us and we ended up having twins.
-We separated Feb 2011 - my step children went to live with their dad, the twins remained with me (they were 2˝ years old)
-Mother made no attempt to contact 2 older children
-Brief attempt at reconciliation which ended poorly May 2011 which resulted in absolutely no contact from my ex until Aug 2011 (angry text messages)
-Sporadic angry text messages and voicemails were received,
-Unable to co-parent in a civil manner, I (with professional third party counsel) deemed a phone/text relationship between preschool age children and mom would not be beneficial.
- January 2012 an accidental phone call to mom while the kids were playing with my phone resulted in a brief, pleasant call between mom and twins (3˝ years old) although the kids did not understand they were speaking to their mom.
-Angry texts continued until Apr 2012.
-April 2012 I learned that my ex was pregnant (baby daddy #3) and was due sometime late 2012
-June 2012 ex-husband #1 (father of 2 older children) files custody application (mother had zero contact with both older children, including missing 3 birthdays).
-Sept 2012 twin (4 years old) begin junior kindergarten
-Mid November 2012, my children made first positive inquiry about their mother since May 2011 and ask if I know where their mom is. I advised she was in Ottawa, their follow up question was if I knew her phone number (tried the number – out of service) and told them no I didn’t know their mom’s phone number.
-This past week mother has lost all parental rights to oldest daughter (CAS involved)
-Further the court hears that ex and baby daddy #3 have relocated to Alberta from Ontario (**rumour** – relocation was to avoid CAS apprehension of new baby).
**Hindsight is 20/20 - yes, I realize there were warning signs and concerns regarding Mommy’s parenting skills**
Over the past year it’s apparent that my step children have mental health difficulties stemming from some parental abandonment issues, etc. I want to avoid a similar scenario with the twins…
With the current news that my ex has left the province to start another family, making no effort advise the 4 children left in Ontario of her departure, I’m at a loss how to deal with “Mommy questions”.
My boys are 4, they are very inquisitive and I’m sure the school environment has stimulated their little minds to ask “where is Mommy” We live outside of Ottawa, I have an appointment with the local children’s mental health program but that date isn’t until the new year.’
I want my boys to remember their mom positively but at the same time I don’t want to lie to them.
My explanation for “Where is Mommy? Why is Mommy not at home?” is consistent “Mommy moved away because she doesn’t love Daddy anymore. Daddy misses Mommy (I do) and you can miss Mommy too. Mommy loves you and I know you love Mommy. Mommy isn’t going to live in our house anymore…”
I’m not sure how to tell a 4 year old that Mommy has moved far away or if their minds are able to process that Mommy is with another man and having another baby.
My fingers are crossed that I can get through December without any more questions about Mommy. January 7th is our appointment with children’s mental health and hopefully they will have some good material to assist in raising some balance little men.
I’m open to ANY feedback that you may have. Am I doing the right thing? Should I be more ‘blunt’ about the situation with the boys? Any suggestions of resources out there that may assist with single parent parenting (I don’t mind travelling or reading)?
Thanks for your time
“Missing Mommy” looking for input, advice, or available resources on how to deal with that issue (children are 4)
A brief summary of my situation -
-I'm the second husband of my ex
-My ex has 2 children (now 11 and 8) from that marriage
-At time of our marriage my ex's 2 children lived full time with us and we ended up having twins.
-We separated Feb 2011 - my step children went to live with their dad, the twins remained with me (they were 2˝ years old)
-Mother made no attempt to contact 2 older children
-Brief attempt at reconciliation which ended poorly May 2011 which resulted in absolutely no contact from my ex until Aug 2011 (angry text messages)
-Sporadic angry text messages and voicemails were received,
-Unable to co-parent in a civil manner, I (with professional third party counsel) deemed a phone/text relationship between preschool age children and mom would not be beneficial.
- January 2012 an accidental phone call to mom while the kids were playing with my phone resulted in a brief, pleasant call between mom and twins (3˝ years old) although the kids did not understand they were speaking to their mom.
-Angry texts continued until Apr 2012.
-April 2012 I learned that my ex was pregnant (baby daddy #3) and was due sometime late 2012
-June 2012 ex-husband #1 (father of 2 older children) files custody application (mother had zero contact with both older children, including missing 3 birthdays).
-Sept 2012 twin (4 years old) begin junior kindergarten
-Mid November 2012, my children made first positive inquiry about their mother since May 2011 and ask if I know where their mom is. I advised she was in Ottawa, their follow up question was if I knew her phone number (tried the number – out of service) and told them no I didn’t know their mom’s phone number.
-This past week mother has lost all parental rights to oldest daughter (CAS involved)
-Further the court hears that ex and baby daddy #3 have relocated to Alberta from Ontario (**rumour** – relocation was to avoid CAS apprehension of new baby).
**Hindsight is 20/20 - yes, I realize there were warning signs and concerns regarding Mommy’s parenting skills**
Over the past year it’s apparent that my step children have mental health difficulties stemming from some parental abandonment issues, etc. I want to avoid a similar scenario with the twins…
With the current news that my ex has left the province to start another family, making no effort advise the 4 children left in Ontario of her departure, I’m at a loss how to deal with “Mommy questions”.
My boys are 4, they are very inquisitive and I’m sure the school environment has stimulated their little minds to ask “where is Mommy” We live outside of Ottawa, I have an appointment with the local children’s mental health program but that date isn’t until the new year.’
I want my boys to remember their mom positively but at the same time I don’t want to lie to them.
My explanation for “Where is Mommy? Why is Mommy not at home?” is consistent “Mommy moved away because she doesn’t love Daddy anymore. Daddy misses Mommy (I do) and you can miss Mommy too. Mommy loves you and I know you love Mommy. Mommy isn’t going to live in our house anymore…”
I’m not sure how to tell a 4 year old that Mommy has moved far away or if their minds are able to process that Mommy is with another man and having another baby.
My fingers are crossed that I can get through December without any more questions about Mommy. January 7th is our appointment with children’s mental health and hopefully they will have some good material to assist in raising some balance little men.
I’m open to ANY feedback that you may have. Am I doing the right thing? Should I be more ‘blunt’ about the situation with the boys? Any suggestions of resources out there that may assist with single parent parenting (I don’t mind travelling or reading)?
Thanks for your time
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