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  • What more do I have to do....

    I got an apartment super close to kids; I've been an active father since they were born;

    I'm fighting for more weekday access; at this time wife is only allowing alternate weekends and not letting me see the kids during the week at a time that is fair...

    Lawyer has sent repeated requests to her lawyer asking for more time with the kids and she's ignored them all.

    The one response we do get is the children are young and need their mother.

    Very frustrating...

  • #2
    She will never give you access, read here, go to court for shared custody, no more negotiations. Did you sign any agreement giving her sole residency and learn to represent yourself in court....

    Comment


    • #3
      Gatekeeping

      The Maximum Contact Principle is a wonderful thing. You'll get a few posters that will fire off that it's not for everyone and situations differ. (Which of course is true) .. but a vast majority of cases the "Maximum Contact Principle" is in effect.

      That's a common phrase now.. "kids need their mom's .. stay away dad". I've studied child psychology for many years, am a behaviorist, an EA and a special education technician and I can tell you that kids need their fathers just as much as their moms. It's crazy what some ppl say to continue playing gatekeeper.

      You moved closer for a reason.. (good choice btw). Bad fathers don't show up, party and dont fight for their kids. You're not one of those.

      Keep requesting access in writing and document denials. Take parenting after separation courses. Be super kind polite and reasonable with her.

      Get everything organized and ready for court. Time to fight for your child. You ready?

      NEVER GIVE UP .. no matter how much she tires you out.

      Comment


      • #4
        Originally posted by Links17 View Post
        She will never give you access, read here, go to court for shared custody, no more negotiations. Did you sign any agreement giving her sole residency and learn to represent yourself in court....
        No Nothing has been signed yet; I just got her Responding materials for separation recently.

        At this point it's been very one sided..



        Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
        The Maximum Contact Principle is a wonderful thing. You'll get a few posters that will fire off that it's not for everyone and situations differ. (Which of course is true) .. but a vast majority of cases the "Maximum Contact Principle" is in effect.

        That's a common phrase now.. "kids need their mom's .. stay away dad". I've studied child psychology for many years, am a behaviorist, an EA and a special education technician and I can tell you that kids need their fathers just as much as their moms. It's crazy what some ppl say to continue playing gatekeeper.

        You moved closer for a reason.. (good choice btw). Bad fathers don't show up, party and dont fight for their kids. You're not one of those.

        Keep requesting access in writing and document denials. Take parenting after separation courses. Be super kind polite and reasonable with her.

        Get everything organized and ready for court. Time to fight for your child. You ready?

        NEVER GIVE UP .. no matter how much she tires you out.
        I completely believe that regardless of gender both parents are important to children.

        I work 1.5 hours away from the kids so I could have easily moved closer to work and just been happy seeing them every other weekend; hell I would have saved a ton of money on my commute expenses.

        But no; instead I got a place in the same neighborhood; its 2km away from their school; 3 km away from her parents; within 2km to my family too.

        That's a great idea about the parenting after separation course I'll look it up and take one.

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        • #5
          Sent a PM. Moving close is a great move. Extinguishes any argument she may have about you not "wanting" to be involved. No acquiescence here buddy.

          Comment


          • #6
            As Links said, you will never get her to voluntarily give her access. Never. You cannot convince her, you cannot change her mind. In my entire time on this forum I don't think I have even heard of that happening once. Every day you delay going to court makes it that much harder to get shared custody.

            Good luck, the next year is potentially going to be the worst of your life. However, if you want to be an actual father, you don't have a choice.

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Janus View Post
              As Links said, you will never get her to voluntarily give her access. Never. You cannot convince her, you cannot change her mind. In my entire time on this forum I don't think I have even heard of that happening once. Every day you delay going to court makes it that much harder to get shared custody.

              Good luck, the next year is potentially going to be the worst of your life. However, if you want to be an actual father, you don't have a choice.
              Janus is correct. You need to bring the application now and not waste any more time with lawyer letters. Instruct your lawyer to file an application.

              The reality is you can do the same thing as the mother is doing as you are a parent and equally entitled to access to them unless a court orders otherwise. Why does she get to do this because of her gender?

              Good Luck!
              Tayken

              Comment


              • #8
                Tayken and Janus are right. Get to court .. like now.

                Just be sure to have:

                a) Those denials of access in writing.
                b) Denials of mediation in writing.
                c) Proof that you were an involved parent (you went to appt's. etc)
                d) Proof refuting any allegations she may have.
                e) Proof you're going above and beyond (parenting after separation courses/First aid courses..etc)

                f) Create a graduated schedule that leads to overnights and a 2-2-3. etc
                g) Create an unbelievably detailed Parenting Plan.
                f) Get in an Offer To Settle
                h) Don't villify or focus on what mom has done. Focus on how you will always respect and promote her role in child's life. (Vent here if need be...not in court).
                i) If communication is an issue offer top pay both subscriptions for www.ourfamilywizard.com

                Say what you just told us. You sacrificed for less $ just to be close to your kids...and it wasn't easy to find a place. Again .. very good idea you did this .. kudos.

                Comment

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