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  • Child told who she can/can't love

    GD4's dad has told her that she cannot love, kiss or hug mom's boyfriend. BF is relatively long term, about 2 yrs and mom and BF have a new baby, my GS who by the way is cute as a button.

    GD4 volunteered this information, it wasn't as a result of any kind of questioning. What is an appropriate way of telling her that her feelings are her own and she can love who she wants to without seeming to disrespect her dads statements?

  • #2
    Just like that. You are allowed to love anyone you want and your feelings are your own.

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    • #3
      The more people she has to love her, and she has to love, the better. Who wouldn't want that for their child?

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      • #4
        Dad maybe feeling that BF is trying/going to replace him as dad. Maybe some reassurances to dad from mom that the child only has one dad and he will never be replaced in that role.

        Other then that, tell the child she is free to like who she wants. Just remember that line may came back and haunt you when she is old enough to date and her choices in males may not be to your liking. LOL

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        • #5
          Originally posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
          Other then that, tell the child she is free to like who she wants. Just remember that line may came back and haunt you when she is old enough to date and her choices in males may not be to your liking. LOL
          Yikes!! Not my sweet GD!! I can't stand the thought of her with some young punk. You're right, I guess that day will come before I know it. She's so amazing her future bf better treat her right!

          I more or less did tell her she can love who she wants, I just didn't want to seem to be contradicting her dad, even though that's kind of what it is. It's hard to correct something dad says without seeming to go against him which we try not to do. She made a comparison between mom and dad the other day(not the who she can love issue, something else) which was negative towards her dad and I just told her that different people do things differently and mom and dad don't have to do things the same way. Hopefully that was reasonable.

          I think he is very insecure, but he has her 50/50 so he needn't worry. Also, we try very hard to never be negative about him and anything she volunteers positive about her dad I respond positively too. I remind myself it's better for her to not be negative about dad despite my feelings towards him.

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          • #6
            We tell,our grandson that he can love everyone as his heart is big enough. When he talks about Dad and his Gf and asked Mom if she likes them she always replies all women are beautiful and all men are handsome.

            Yikes had not,thought about when he is a teenager. Hopefully he will know the difference by then!

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            • #7
              I'm guessing that, like other posters have said, Dad fears being replaced by Mom's boyfriend. Completely human to fear this, but not cool to express it to Kid. Maybe handle it by telling her that people's hearts are very big. Mom is special and Dad is special, but there's lots of room in our hearts for other people too, like friends, grandparents, (name of Mom's boyfriend).

              I don't know if Kid would be into this, but would it be possible to send her back to Dad's with something special for him, like cookies she helped make or some kind of craft? Ceramic studies are great for this - a little figurine saying "World's Best Dad" finger-painted by a four year old is pretty neat.

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              • #8
                I think its important to tell the daughter that this new guy is mom's current boyfriend and not her father but she can love him like an uncle but her real father is the other guy.

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                • #9
                  I had some words with my ex about this. He wanted Kid to refer his new gf as her parent as soon as they moved in together. Kid didn't like it. I told both ex and Kid that at that point in time, gf was like a grown-up friend to Kid, and it would take time for her to earn her place as a stepmom. I think rushing things with new partners can lead to a real mess. My ex is now remarried to the gf, and I think she's really earned the title stepmom. (I should note this doesn't apply to the OP - sounds like her daughter has been with the same boyfriend for two years).

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by stripes View Post
                    Maybe handle it by telling her that people's hearts are very big. Mom is special and Dad is special, but there's lots of room in our hearts for other people too, like friends, grandparents, (name of Mom's boyfriend).
                    I like that, seems a good level for the age too.

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