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Some good tips for dealing with HCPs

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  • Some good tips for dealing with HCPs

    Interesting little article with some good tips:

    Virginia Gilbert, MFT: What Therapists Don't Tell You About Divorcing A High-Conflict Personality

  • #2
    Really great article and suggestions, hopefully some people starting the process can really benefit from this.

    I learned how to deal with my HC ex later on in the game, definitely wish I had found this board from the get go, it probably would have saved me a lot of stress.

    Thanks for sharing!

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    • #3
      Originally posted by OntarioMomma View Post
      Really great article and suggestions, hopefully some people starting the process can really benefit from this.

      I learned how to deal with my HC ex later on in the game, definitely wish I had found this board from the get go, it probably would have saved me a lot of stress.

      Thanks for sharing!
      Same! These were lessons that took me a long time to learn. And I still struggle with some of them. It is hard to ignore the crazy accusations - but it's getting better with time.

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      • #4
        Originally posted by CSAngel View Post
        Same! These were lessons that took me a long time to learn. And I still struggle with some of them. It is hard to ignore the crazy accusations - but it's getting better with time.
        Yep, it's definitely a constant work in progress!

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        • #5
          Amazing how common sense most of that is. and I definitely agree with the "parallel parenting vs. co-parenting" thing.

          Comment


          • #6
            Originally posted by OntarioMomma View Post
            I learned how to deal with my HC ex later on in the game, definitely wish I had found this board from the get go, it probably would have saved me a lot of stress.

            Thanks for sharing!
            Double ditto!!!

            Unfortunately I've still got a ways to go... and I wish I figured this out two years ago... but I take comfort in that I finally know what I'm dealing with.... and there are others that actually understand

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            • #7
              I have sent numerous people to this website. Once people find out what you have gone through and they are going through the same thing the questions begin.

              The sooner people find this place the better.

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              • #8
                Read a lot about the narcissists lately. As they say this condition is rarely professionally diagnosed because narcissists do not think there is anyting wrong with them. Wondering if a mandatory evaluation is possible in some extreme cases.

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                • #9
                  It's so hard, though isn't it? To ignore? I have an X who, when he puts something in writing, believes it to be true. He has recently been texting/emailing me all sorts of bullshit then texts our son the other day to say he has all the emails to "prove it and it'll all come out in court." Just because you wrote it, doesn't make it true.

                  (The judge got a good look at his HC temper the other day - X tried talking over him a few times. That didnt go well. Lol.)

                  I've recently downloaded It's All Your Fault! (Bill Eddy) to iBooks. I'm finding that good, because some of the advice also says that there are times when you DO need to set the record straight, not just ignore.
                  Last edited by Qrious; 07-24-2013, 09:13 PM.

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                  • #10
                    Everyone on this thread seems on exactly the same page.

                    For me, far and away the hardest part about the "ignore the ex" concept is what it teaches the kids.

                    I'm "fortunate".. if one could call it that.. in that my kids are teens and the fight over custody and access is not worth the battle. I live close by and maintain as close to a daily relationship with them as possible. That part is very good.

                    But what does this teach them?? They love both of us.... yet we can't even speak to each other... going on for years now.

                    Kids continually say, "why can you both just work this out???"

                    Judges and mediators have told me directly... "you must learn to communicate".

                    She says all the right things to all the right people at all the right times. Then 15 seconds after they all disappear, a whole new personality rears itself.... my own personal version of hell.

                    ugh.

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                    • #11
                      This book changed the way I viewed my ex.

                      Splitting: Protecting Yourself While Divorcing Someone with Borderline or Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Amazon.ca: Bill Eddy, Randi Kreger: Books

                      It's a great read.

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                      • #12
                        Indeed. I am reading it now.

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                        • #13

                          I just ordered this and got it in the mail the other day!

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                          • #14
                            I'm also attempting to read this book.

                            However I'm going to warn you it's not pretty. I have a hard time reading it, some of the stories are horrifying.

                            It's also scary the similarities between my ex's relationship with her mother (Both bi-polar)

                            Understanding the Borderline Mother: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, And Volatile Relationshi: Helping Her Children Transcend the Intense, Unpredictable, and Volatile Relationship: Amazon.ca: Christine Ann Lawson: Books

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                            • #15
                              Half of the board members here can share similar horror stories, unfortunately.

                              Comment

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