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  • #16
    I had profound feelings of anger and sadness, but the part of divorce that finally drove me deep into depression and anxiety was being investigated for false allegations of child sexual abuse for nearly a year. I'm OK now but those feelings are always with me and can resurface when triggered.
    People who have been proven to have made false allegations of child abuse or domestic violence need to be prosecuted. I'm really tired of people doing this to gain custody advantage. My ex actually tried to suggest at one point that I was verbally abusive to both of my children and that they were afraid of me. The actual reverse was and still is true.

    The only punitive measures against these types of allegations is that they get ignored in divorce court and that is ridiculous. Where someone can prove that they've suffered financially and emotionally due to false criminal allegations...serious penalties need to be levelled. This should include potential criminal prosecution and civil fines.

    In general, one of the biggest issues with family court is that when someone blatantly lies to gain advantage...which lawyers are often complicit in...nothing really happens. So its actually sometimes advantageous to lie. Over time, the tangible penalty may be a loss of credibility over a long period but in the short term, if they get away with it, it can be very advantageous. More serious penalties against litigants and especially legal professionals need to be levelled when someone knowingly files false accusations in affidavits. It would make someone think twice about piling their statements full of crap.

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    • #17
      Based on my reading, the problem is that it's very hard to prove a "good faith" false allegation caused by confusion, misunderstanding, fear and doubt versus one that is deliberately and maliciously concocted.

      Proving "bad faith" is not easy in court because the evidence of it is so scarce.

      But yes, I basically agree. I even think "good faith" false allegations should be strongly sanctioned so people don't introduce them to the record without seriously thinking about what they are doing.

      A police file or a CAS case record stay around forever, even if they "closed".

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      • #18
        My ex lied to get me in court for contempt where she asked I be jailed (over 3000$ - while she gets 2300$/month). She admitted to completely making it up IN COURT the judge basically said "Your client is admitting she had no basis for this allegation in her sworn affidavit" and he noted it in the judgement but you know what, NOTHING HAPPENED.

        The worst part is that if she had NOT made the allegation the hearing wouldn't have even happened because without that specific allegation the judge said i won't call a hearing for contempt. So her lawyer and her went back REWROTE the same affidavit adding that specific allegation and the judge accepted it.

        My ex throws SO MUCH shit at me at court that I waste so much time defending with it and the worst that happened was that.

        You are rewarded or ignored for lying - that is about it.

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        • #19
          A very interesting article was in the Huffington Post today about depression.


          Huffington Post Canada - Canadian News Stories, Breaking News, Opinion

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          • #20
            ^^^ 20% of Canadians will personally experience a mental illness in their lifetime - Canadian Mental Health Association.

            I suspect that the actual numbers are higher than this - many cases go undiagnosed with people self-medicating with street drugs and/or booze. My ex has serious alcohol addiction, he would get drunk to avoid facing some early childhood trauma.

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            • #21
              Originally posted by FightingForFamily View Post
              According to statistics often mentioned by Dr Warren Farrell and others, during divorce men commit suicide at a rate 10 times higher than the average... but I would accept that 3 to 1 is a good overall average across life.

              The problem is that men are less likely to share their problems with others (especially other men) and instead internalize them. They are not as good with emotions, don't know how to express them, and most men lack emotional support outside of their spouses (who are now their mortal enemies).

              I do remember feeling so powerless and frustrated a few times that I wanted to drive my car into a wall, but it was a fleeting thought and nothing ever came of it.

              As a man I have friends, many of them, but our friendships are about doing things together, common interests and hobbies and hanging out. Male friends generally do not get involved in the emotional problems of their other male friends.

              Men have a hard time showing or admitting weakness and getting help. It took a lot for me to visit my family doctor and beg for antidepressants. Much to my horror, she refused to prescribe them and told me to "man up". She is no longer my doctor.

              I had profound feelings of anger and sadness, but the part of divorce that finally drove me deep into depression and anxiety was being investigated for false allegations of child sexual abuse for nearly a year. I'm OK now but those feelings are always with me and can resurface when triggered.
              A lot of this I think is propaganda to turn attention away from the fact that men get depressed because they get raped in court.

              If your wife got allegations of child rape, thrown out her home, cheated on, a lifetime alimony, lost half her stuff while her philandering stay at home husband was sleeping with her sister, lost her children SHE WOULD KILL HERSELF!

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              • #22
                Originally posted by Links17 View Post
                A lot of this I think is propaganda to turn attention away from the fact that men get depressed because they get raped in court.

                If your wife got allegations of child rape, thrown out her home, cheated on, a lifetime alimony, lost half her stuff while her philandering stay at home husband was sleeping with her sister, lost her children SHE WOULD KILL HERSELF!
                Links, the same could be said of anyone male/female/aardvark ... sh$t happens in court - men aren't the only ones who get bamboozled by the legal system!

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                • #23
                  Links, the same could be said of anyone male/female/aardvark ... sh$t happens in court - men aren't the only ones who get bamboozled by the legal system!
                  I know but I would say the "vast majority" of the time they are. From what I read most people involved in the law agree that for whatever reasons courts tend to side with mom (not because they are women but because they are support receipients, primary caregivers etc...).

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                  • #24
                    Originally posted by Links17 View Post
                    A lot of this I think is propaganda to turn attention away from the fact that men get depressed because they get raped in court.

                    If your wife got allegations of child rape, thrown out her home, cheated on, a lifetime alimony, lost half her stuff while her philandering stay at home husband was sleeping with her sister, lost her children SHE WOULD KILL HERSELF!
                    Poppycock. FFF is more accurate, women have the same thoughts of depression... But men don't tend to seek help for depression or thoughts of suicide - whereas, more women do. Also, men don't tend to have a social/familial system to support them - whereas, generally women do.

                    In addition, a large part of the equation is the weapon of choice - women generally use drugs, which are not as lethal and more easily caught, while men generally have easier access to and use guns- a rather more permanent choice.

                    You need to go further than the numbers on committing suicide, you need to go into the numbers on attempting suicide. And those numbers appear to evidence more women are attempting suicide. They just fail to succeed. And it is hard to beat a bullet to the temple.

                    All THAT said, May-May, if you yourself are feeling a little alone out there, I was supported by a few of my close friends for at least 3 years post separation - if you need someone to chit chat with and don't feel like you have someone to turn to, I'm always around and I'm heading into your area this coming Monday.
                    Start a discussion, not a fire. Post with kindness.

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                    • #25
                      I've heard several people who've been both divorced and widowed say that in their experience, divorce was worse. There's the lack of social support (friends may feel they have to choose sides, or [in my experience] just not want to talk about it all; the nagging feelings of guilt or shame (if I'd only been a better wife/husband, maybe it would have been different), and the betrayal or injury caused by the person you were closest to in the world. Those factors aren't there when a spouse passes away, which is not to minimize the impact of being widowed.

                      I think that anyone going through a divorce should grab all the support and listening that he or she can find. I also think that sometimes it's easier to talk to someone you don't know that well, rather than a person you are close to.

                      Comment

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