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  • Coping tips?

    Anybody have any tips to keep their mind off all the BS involved with divorce?

    It keeps me pretty stressed, to the point where I get random fevers etc.

    I really have quite a mess on my hands, and a long road ahead of me.

    Anyway, just looking for any tips and tricks that people use. For now it is one day at a time for me.

    Thanks

  • #2
    ^^ Yes. Get out there and do some volunteer work, find a new hobby that makes for a change from your normal usual routine.

    Go for walks / runs. An idle mind obviously will lead to more of what you are currently experiencing. Some people rush into another relationship / dating because "they are afraid of being alone"

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    • #3
      Originally posted by hopefull View Post
      Some people rush into another relationship / dating because "they are afraid of being alone"
      Agreed, I kind of have someone in mind already but plan to take it REALLY slow, if at all. Friends for now.
      It is very refreshing to have someone to talk to that actually has common sense.

      Activity and diet are 2 things I need to focus on more!

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      • #4
        Coping tips would be great. It's very stressful and it's too the point it consumes you sometimes. I just keep recycling everything that happened, and go over it in my mind again and again

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        • #5
          Pretend you are going to war, strategize every detail and focus on that. It will keep your busy.

          Pretend you are trying to prevent a hostile corporate takeover that wants to layoff your workers and replaces them with low wage employees from a 3rd world country.

          Family court is one of the most evil institutions in the country and you are the prey.

          Comment


          • #6
            volunteer somewhere (if you like animals offer to work for fundraising events). Change your schedule up. Bowling one night, movie another night, swimming another day, golfing. Keep busy in an environment where you can meet new friends. I wish I would have taken my own advice. Instead I ended up becoming obsessive about cleaning and that's the worse thing because you end of thinking of things over and over. Distraction is the key I think. Boys and Girls clubs are always looking for volunteers. Offer to drive food to homes for the needy.

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            • #7
              What is wrong with that; do you happen to have an iPhone/iPad, electronics in your home and drive a foreign car?

              The world is becoming smaller by the year, and investors are in business to make profit

              Originally posted by Links17 View Post
              Pretend you are going to war, strategize every detail and focus on that. It will keep your busy.

              Pretend you are trying to prevent a hostile corporate takeover that wants to layoff your workers and replaces them with low wage employees from a 3rd world country.

              Family court is one of the most evil institutions in the country and you are the prey.

              Comment


              • #8
                Thanks for the tips. Definitely need to get more active and socialize more often!

                Comment


                • #9
                  Volunteering and exercise are two things that are never a bad use of your time. If you volunteer for lots of different events you'll see all different sides of your community; if you stick with one main volunteer activity you'll meet some new people who have nothing to do with your old (pre-divorce) life. Exercise: even if you don't want to do it, get out and do it anyway. This doesn't have to mean joining a gym or going to classes: I started biking everywhere, even in winter, and I think it saved my sanity during a few stressful times. Plus, you get to look at your newly fit self in the mirror and think "hmm, not too bad!".

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                  • #10
                    Get through your divorce before you jump into another relationship. Yes there are understanding, patient and loving women out there but it does wear them down. Plus, a new relationship will give an unreasonable ex more fuel for their bs. Exercise, socializing etc are all good. My partner wasnt allowed to do a lot of the stuff he enjoyed while married and Ive encouraged him to embrace these things. He likes outdoor activities and he finds peace doing things he loves.

                    All that said, you will still have stress, unhappiness, hurt and anger. It will wear you down. Try to remember in the grand scheme of your life, this is but a minor moment. You will survive. If necessary, speak to a medical professional and make sure your health is good. Heart attacks, strokes and other ailments do hit people with heavy stress. You may also make unhealthy choices like drinking, drugs, tobacco etc. try to remember the harm these have on your body. You want your kids to have their dad around

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                    • #11
                      Great points rockscan!

                      I'm enjoying talking to this new girl because she has a solid head on her shoulders and that has been lacking in my life for several years.
                      Having said that she won't stick around for all the BS I have to fix in my life, she has her own life to worry about.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        https://www.amazon.ca/Rebuilding-Whe.../dp/1886230692

                        This helped when I went through a separation. Understanding that what I was feeling was normal. Yes it was unpleasant and there were parts where there was hope for a better future. It does come.
                        Exercise helps too. Hobbies and eating good food. Music.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Coping tips?

                          Here is what has worked for me. Signing up at a gym and getting at least 20 minutes of cardio at least 3 times a week. Followed by various workouts and then a some time in the steam room or sauna followed by a some time in the jacuzzi and sometimes swimming. Endorphins is the key here.

                          Aside that, lots of reading, trying new hobbies, furthering your education, making new friends (socializing), buying stuff online, taking courses for divorce, counselling, volunteering (preferably at our child's school), and avoiding negative thoughts or negative outcomes, keeping a positive outlook, and sticking firm to what you know is best for your child's well being and future.

                          Most important of it all, keep communications with your ex at a minimum and draw lines between their problems and yours.

                          Keep your head up and take the high road when your ex creates problems or tries to create problems and make things difficult for you or control you and don't feed into their controlling behaviour.

                          Know that they are your past, you're not married not in love anymore and forgive them and see them nothing more than a business partner (if there is children involved).

                          Know that there are tons and tons of people that will treat yo a billion times better than your ex did and make you billion times more happy. But you shouldn't need someone else to make you happy.

                          Focus on distraction and moving on but don't give up on any of your rights, exercise them.




                          Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
                          Last edited by trinton; 10-09-2016, 01:16 PM.

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                          • #14
                            Excellent advice! Thanks very much

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                            • #15
                              I don't blame her and you should be thinking of that too i.e. finding yourself drawn into somebody else' ongoing mess. It's not uncommon for people to view potential new partners with rose-tinted lenses.

                              Isn't this the case when we all first got married; we all know what happened in the end and hence the reason we have found ourselves on this site.

                              Always sort your mess out before and take time to heal before you jump into another relationship. I have been officially divorced for 4yrs, and enjoying just dating, having friends with benefits and companions.

                              Originally posted by Acadia71 View Post
                              Great points rockscan!

                              I'm enjoying talking to this new girl because she has a solid head on her shoulders and that has been lacking in my life for several years.
                              Having said that she won't stick around for all the BS I have to fix in my life, she has her own life to worry about.

                              Comment

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