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  • Uplifting Update on my situation

    Well I could be wishful thinking again and writing this prematurally... but my x has said she's willing to agree to Joint Custody now! This is after a year and a half of flat out not even considering it only to tell me she was like this to push me away as she still loved me but couldn't be with me. Then I think some closer came into play over the last few weeks and she had an awakening on what was happening. Hopefully we can finally settle this thing now - without the court (which is still scheduled to take place in 3 weeks) (I won't be cancelling that until it's confirmed and signed). Anyway, I'm suppose to go over the draft agreement tonight - so wish me luck!

    To all who find it hard - stick with it and remember you're doing it for your kids and to have both parents in their life.

    I posted this poem in another thread but it says it all I think. (that's why I wrote it

    Mommy,

    I hear your pain
    Crying down like rain
    You keep it in your clouds
    It all must be so loud

    It's not my fault
    Don't put it on me
    Please put all this to a hault
    And let it all just be

    I don't want to be involved
    I just want to be enthrolled
    By both you and by daddy
    We can still be so happy

    I understand you can't be with him
    Please, understand he's like one of my limbs
    Don't cut him off because of how you feel
    Let me decide as I too would heal

    He loves you for being my mother
    There will be no other
    I won't go anywhere
    As none of that seems fair

    To fight over me is not the answer
    To fight for me is not the best
    Lets come together before the cancer
    Eating us apart from the stress

    We all will suffer a little
    Who's to say who's more brittle
    Let us be together forever
    Even if we're never together

    We all share something
    That something is me
    So please let it all be
    Lets be somewhat of a family

  • #2
    Catsvlion,

    I am a firm believer in joint shared custody regimes. Kudos to you and your ex to get beyond the anger and acrimony and focus on the child. Your child will thrive with the support of both parents in its life. This is the best gift you can give a child.

    Comment


    • #3
      Cat vs Lion

      great news!!! Is it joint legal custody or the full joint and shared
      I loved your poem and could feel the pain.
      Hear is one of mine

      Jenaya's Smile

      I came across something not seen in a while
      That something was a snapshot of my Jenaya's smile
      It's etched forever in my heart and tatooed on my brain
      A fleeting glimpse of joyfulness; I yearn to see again

      I knew she loved me; I knew it from the start
      I never thought she'd be kept from me in a family torn apart

      Her smile was like a rainbow turned upside down
      Sunlight thru the window on her inverted frown
      It bounced around the room,flying here and there
      I knew in an instant that smile was meant to share

      It was like a big balloon,that popped in the air
      Filled with tiny sparkles, that landed everywhere
      All the children in the room just had to stop and stare
      At this spectacle of wonder like at a county fair

      Tears would then fall down my face,too much for me to take
      A waterfall of saltiness,enough to fill a lake
      Quickly,I had to look away from this stunning show of glee
      Cuz it was spreading rapidly beyond just her and me

      She unlocked that smile and happily set it free
      Yes time, it stood still for an.. eternity
      This fleeting show of happiness,my little girl just had
      Was caused by nothing other than.....a visit from her Dad!!!

      Comment


      • #4
        Great Poems!!!

        CatvsLion,

        That is fantastic news. I hope all goes well for you tonight.

        Keep up posted.

        Comment


        • #5
          Great poems

          Loved reading the poems. It brought tears to my eyes. I miss my kids so much.
          www.theinterviewwithgod.com this site might bring some more light into your eyes. Hit presentation when you get to site.

          Comment


          • #6
            Great poem bearvsall!

            Well last night went well, she did indeed agree to joint custody. For now it's just legal custody and it's a start in the right direction. I still get my tues & thurs and every other weekend. When the lawyers were out of the picture before, I got to see my daughter a lot more then just those days - so I'm hoping it'll be the same.

            The only fall back is she sent me an email this morning saying that she wanted it written in - that if my daughter shows anxiety when I pick her up and doesn't want to go with me, she doesn't have to go with me, or she won't sign it. How can I word this... as I know kids don't want to go sometimes with their parents and right now my daughter is showing more anxiety leaving her mom when I pick her up from her mom's place. If she's dropped off or if I pick her up somewhere else she's fine. Maybe I answered my own question there

            There was also another stipulation of my girlfriend not spending the night when my daughter is there until she sleeps in her own bed throughout the night. (right now she crawls into my bed at 5 or 6am for an extra hour or two sleep) - this one I agreed to - although it caused some problems with my g/f.

            The other thing I have to deal with is that my x now tells me how much she wants me back and wants to try to work things out - it's a tough situation to deal with after a year and a half of being forced to move on and finding someone else that makes you happy because the x contstanly pushed you away and said and did others things to make you think differently.

            Anyhow, now I just have to hurry to get this thing signed before something happens to possibly change her mind once again... just have to figure out the wording on that stipulation of anxiety in the transition... any help?

            Comment


            • #7
              CatvsLion,

              I'd be very careful how that was written. In fact I think if it was me it would be a deal breaker. How do you define anxiety for a young child. You may go pick her up from Mom's and she doesnt want to go because her favourite TV show is on.

              Have you considered 3 party drop offs and pick ups. i.e. You pick her up from daycare in the evening then drop her off the following morning?

              Comment


              • #8
                That's what I was thinking as well (about the deal breaker) as I completly agree... sometimes I pick her up and she has one of her videos on and I have to stay until it's over and she still gets upset about leaving. On some occasions her mom will then offer to drop her off at my place. The 3rd party drop off will be the majority of the time from now on. (My x was on stress leave for 2 months which hightened the anxiety and also made me pick up from her residence all the time - she's now going back to work which means I'll be picking my daughter up at daycare 90% of the time).

                Well this is the wording I was thinking of:
                *
                The Mother & Father shall make an effort to exercise (daughter's name)'s time with both her parents, including transportation to the other parents residence if necessary. In the event that (daughter's name) shows extreme anxiety on such occasions the parties agree to postone the access.
                *
                Basically if my daughter doesn't want to go with me then my x drives her to my place and if she still gets really upset then we try again later. This stipulation was raised by her because my daughter has become extreamly clingy to her mom since she's been off. She's also showing more anxiety since being re-introduced to her daycare.

                I don't agree to this stipulation but I want this finished....

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by CatvsLion
                  Well this is the wording I was thinking of:
                  *
                  The Mother & Father shall make an effort to exercise (daughter's name)'s time with both her parents, including transportation to the other parents residence if necessary. In the event that (daughter's name) shows extreme anxiety on such occasions the parties agree to postone the access.
                  *
                  What about adding this: The parties will be expected to resolve access issues on an ad hoc basis. If the arrangements do not work out, either party retains the right to seek court-ordered arrangements.

                  I hope you are going to have a lawyer go over the agreement before you sign it.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Catsvlion,

                    I wouldn't sign anything with an anxiety clause in it. If the child had anxiety about going to school, would the mother keep the child from school. This certainly is not in the child's best interest.

                    A primary caregiver has so much influence over a child and its feelings.

                    The other clause I would not agree too is in to regards to your gf. If your gf is no harm to your child then why the clause. If you agree to it you are basically agreeing that there is a problem with your gf around your child.

                    Remember the onus is on your ex to prove that it is not in the child's best interest for your child to be around your gf.

                    What if you married this gf. Does this mean you will not be allowed to have a relationship with your daughter.

                    Sounds like your ex is controlling and is using the child to control you.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I wouldn't sign anything with an anxiety clause in it. If the child had anxiety about going to school, would the mother keep the child from school. This certainly is not in the child's best interest.
                      So true.
                      The child should not be kept from school under any circumstance - workarounds are available.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Well I agree with all of you and I took out the anxiety clause and also specified a clause in such as 'unless a relationship has been established for more then 12 month then there would be no overnights'

                        My x's problem wasn't with my g/f being around our daughter just the fact that she might stay overnight and our daughter still jumps into my (and her) bed in the early mornings to sleep some more - which would mean my g/f sleeping in the same bed as my 19month old.

                        Saying the above she didn't agree and wanted me to stop the proceedings (which are next week) and goto a child pyschologist to determine what's best. I agreed to the pyschologist but not to stopping proceedings as this will give us a temporary order on access. She obviously now doesn't agree to joint parenting again.

                        So we're pretty much back to were we started - that lasted a whole 3 days haha...

                        I had a question about the case conference - does anyone know the estimated cost of just the case conference?

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Catsvlion,

                          Seems apparent that she is somewhat game playing with you. I would go ahead with proceedings. If you delay and have no official court order or separation agreement in place it just adds to the defacto situation.

                          Case conference costs are generally not awarded unless a party is not prepared such as not serving the brief, no financial statement, fails to show etc.

                          Generally there will be no orders issued other than procedural orders such as how to move forward with the case, a Judge may order involvement of the children's lawyer, disclosure of necessary documents information etc. A judge may give his opinion or a recommendation of the outcome of a forthcoming motion if any. It is basically held before any motions to narrow the issues. Briefs are unsworn court docs but a summary of your stance of the situation.

                          After hearing the Judge's opinion your ex and yourself may come to a consent order on some of the issues.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Logicalvelocity,

                            You give such great advice!!!

                            In CatvsLions case, wouldn't it be best if he specifically asked for the involvement of the Office of the Children's lawyer, as you need a court order for that. If the Office was to get involved wouldn't that mean that the cost of the psychological assessment be covered by them? These assessments if done privately can cost in the thousands of dollars.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Ty Grace.

                              Yes I agree with you fully with the office of the children's lawyer involved.

                              The one thing to consider is the age of the child. It may be a little premature to do an assessment at this point in time as the child is unable to talk proficiently and especially on an interim motion stage. You could ask for it, but most likely the judge will just say not at this time, as the child is secure in its current surroundings. They say interim motions are the most important step in the case, however interim decisions are often made on contradicting affidavits etc. Claims and assertions are often never proven etc. Seems to be a flaw in the justice system.


                              They (children's lawyer) may choose not to be involved as ultimately the decision is theirs to make even if the Judge orders a request of their involvement.

                              If they choose to be involved, the parental assessment would be covered by them.

                              They have a criteria for taking on cases. The link is found here.

                              http://www.attorneygeneral.jus.gov.o...ocl/intake.asp

                              Comment

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