The problem with my partners situation is that he doesnt even get a choice. Regardless of what the order says, the ex makes her plans without his input. He didnt even get the chance to say "ok lets work out a compromise" it was just "these are the plans and theyve always been the plans order or not". Then to cover the ass it was "well I was willing to accommodate but the kids didnt want it". She also puts it back on him that the break down in the relationship is his fault ignoring that she has shared misinformation with the kids since they split. The kids only have her version of events because he abides by the order to not involve them. He has multiple emails where he has tried to compromise to see his kids and its always a fight for control. Hell he drove up two weeks after the holidays last year with a gift that couldnt go on the train with them and because I was with him the ex started a fight. All he wanted to do was make sure she had her gift! He worked out dropping it off with her not the ex (as she had said for him to do) and she tried to take back control and stop her from seeing him! He was even willing to just deliver it, kid said lets have dinner!!! As he rightly stated to me yesterday, his kids are old enough now to see this for what it is and have a say. Theyre taking moms side because its easier even if they dont agree (which we may never know) but they are also old enough to understand consequences and that their actions hurt other people. My partners ex has never been reasonable or willing to work together even with a court order.
My family learned long ago that you can work around weird schedules (my brothers are emergency services and my sister worked for a news broadcaster) and still enjoy traditions. When two families come together you have to make accommodations and create new traditions. My partners ex never did that and it caused a great deal of stress on their marriage. Hes just as responsible for catering to it and hes learned that the hard way.
Bottom line is we both decided to stop letting this drama and ridiculousness impact our lives. She can make any excuse she wants and the kids can hide behind her or use her stupid logic all they want. He wont play into it anymore. As sad and as hurtful as it is, he sees it for what it is and she only wins if he lets her. She can spout her bs all she wants but the only person shes hurting is herself. Catering to the crazy is the worst thing we can do. So we had a nice evening and morning, hes reading up on a hilarious toy I bought him and we're heading to dinner later. Hes not sitting around feeling sorry for himself or bemoaning whats happened. This behaviour is exactly what his therapist said he had to do and hes finally following her advice.
My family learned long ago that you can work around weird schedules (my brothers are emergency services and my sister worked for a news broadcaster) and still enjoy traditions. When two families come together you have to make accommodations and create new traditions. My partners ex never did that and it caused a great deal of stress on their marriage. Hes just as responsible for catering to it and hes learned that the hard way.
Bottom line is we both decided to stop letting this drama and ridiculousness impact our lives. She can make any excuse she wants and the kids can hide behind her or use her stupid logic all they want. He wont play into it anymore. As sad and as hurtful as it is, he sees it for what it is and she only wins if he lets her. She can spout her bs all she wants but the only person shes hurting is herself. Catering to the crazy is the worst thing we can do. So we had a nice evening and morning, hes reading up on a hilarious toy I bought him and we're heading to dinner later. Hes not sitting around feeling sorry for himself or bemoaning whats happened. This behaviour is exactly what his therapist said he had to do and hes finally following her advice.
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