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Divorce Support This forum is for discussing the emotional aspects of divorce: stress, anger, betrayal of trust and more.

View Poll Results: What was the main reason for your relationship breakdown?
Financial issues 61 22.85%
Inactive parent 34 12.73%
Different parenting styles 37 13.86%
Clashing personalities 79 29.59%
Addiction (gambling, alcohol, drugs) 54 20.22%
Spousal and/or child abuse 53 19.85%
Other 111 41.57%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 267. You may not vote on this poll

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Old 02-04-2009, 03:47 PM
LifeMovesOn LifeMovesOn is offline
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Two's company but three's a crowd!! Things fell apart when I discovered my wife was having an affair.
Old 02-06-2009, 08:36 AM
dovan dovan is offline
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My marriage breakdown was due to a number of reasons my children from another marriage the tug a war between parents, mild financial reasons he liked his toys too much (his a bass player on the side who thought he was going on tour the next day), my job that took me away from the home 3-5 days per week and at times up to an entire week at a time yet he fully enjoyed the perks of my job and finally his affair with one of the managers that I overseen, which caused me great deal of stress considering I had to deal with this person in a professional manner each day and not allow my personal differences to interfere with my work (you can't fire someone because they had an affair with your husband not without litigation after wards) I felt stuck in a catch 22 situation ....I knew she was not a management type of person I had been working on let her go long before the affair but firing her after I was made aware of the affair at one of the semi annual meetings was now out of the question. Needless to say that was the straw that broke the camels back I could deal with the ongoing issues between my children's father and myself regarding the children, I could even deal with the fact that he had an outlet that he enjoyed .... his music, the affair well was something I could not forgive or forget along with the fact that it was someone I knew as well he also was messing with my career. After sometime believe it or not we are now friends .... I look at it as I spent half my life with this man basically I grew up with him yes he hurt me deeply but he was not abusive in the sense that he took drugs or drank, or that he was physically or emotionally abusive, and he did treat my children well. He supported me going back to school and furthering myself when we were together and he was my best friend. Hence the word WAS and that was the part that hurt the most. After our break up we attempted to try to get back together but the trust was gone and it was pointless to put each other through what one goes through when there is a suspisious mind so we opted to remain friends and go our separate ways.
Old 04-01-2009, 06:20 PM
Catdude Catdude is offline
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Mostly just a break down in communication... Stubbornness on both sides to even admit something was wrong... and only realising it when it was too late..
Old 04-01-2009, 11:48 PM
catchison catchison is offline
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Default reasons for breakdown

I don't think the list of reasons for breakdown is complete without adultery. It is probably one of the biggies.
Old 04-02-2009, 09:10 AM
kamkatie kamkatie is offline
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I voted "other." Main reason my marriage broke up was ex left me for another woman. We had all the other reasons for why things went wrong, but the girlfriend was the reason it finally ended.
Old 04-08-2009, 03:24 AM
revffof revffof is offline
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It broke down for too many reasons to mention. Summary, I got tired of getting kicked out for a week or two at a time so she could move a new man in and get tired of him. She was abusive and the police would only laugh when I called them. I met some new friends who took me in...and I've never been happier in my life...only 2 things would make me happier...she would get married to someone else, and I could marry my lovely new gf.
Old 04-17-2009, 02:04 PM
mona_c mona_c is offline
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The reasons for my relationship breaking down were a combination of things. One was prescription drug addiction that spanned most of the 12-13 years he and I were together. Another was his fixation on porn, which finally led to me finding about 200 images of child pornography on disks he had. There was sexual, emotional and psychological abuse that again, spanned most of the relationship. It's to the point that the police are involved and are wondering if he drugged me at various points over the years.

On top of that, my husband also felt it necessary to use our then 9 year old son (he's now 10) as a confidante to detail our sex life, including images taken of me, the explanation of sex toys and various other sordid things that no child should know from their parent. My son is now in counselling because of it all.

Infidelity does play it's part, as well. But not in the sense of him finding someone else. For the last few months of the relationship, I was having an affair with someone from my past. He has now moved in with me and is a better, more stable parent to my five children then my husband ever was.

I wish I could say that the reasons for the breakdown of the relationship were cut and dry, but they aren't. It is simply a culmination of everything that finally made me say "Enough is enough". I was the one who cheated, yes. But at the same time, he spent literally years finding ways to break me. He almost succeeded, but the man I am now with helped me find the strength to go to the police after my husband sexually assaulted me for the last time. Since then, he has been the one to help me through all the horrible things we've found while sorting my husband's belongings out and has been the one to help me make sure the kids were protected from all of the horrid things that have been found. If it hadn't been for his return into my life, I am sure I would still be in the thick of it all.

Old 04-17-2009, 07:42 PM
sadinottawa sadinottawa is offline
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My husband was extremely controlling from the start.

I was young and naive at the time and he gradually became more and more abusive and manipulative. Isolating me from friends and family. He'd accuse all my friends of hitting on him. Rubbing their breasts on him when I wasn't looking - and I was dumb enough to believe him. He accused my parents of saying "evil" things about me. He injured my mother and called her horrible names.

For the 16years we were married, he has not held the same job for up to a year. He'd get a job and something would happen. He'd say someone insulted him so he quit, or he'd get into an argument with his boss and quit.

He couldn't parent. He never took our kid for any activities, never helped out with homework, or anything. He told our kid so many lies about me and my family all the time.

He'd take women shopping in my car while I'd be working and would lie to me constantly. He was also probably cheating. He'd also use my credit and go shopping.

He had been in 3 previous relationships before me - and 2 of them had ended up with cops being called because he told me the women made him go "crazy". One of these women charged him with assault but later dropped the charges.

Anyway - I chose all the options except the addition. I don't think he is addicted to anything.

I'm surprised that infidelity isn't on the list.
Old 04-20-2009, 06:19 PM
Stubbs Stubbs is offline
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My wife decided to quit a well-paying job to pursue a home-based business in a very difficult financial time in our marriage.

Unfortunately, she has very little business sense and is always reckless with money and deep in credit card debt.

Money is like air: It's not a problem until you don't have enough of it.

I finally told her that she had to at least get a part-time job to help keep us afloat...

...and that's where she met a guy who just told me on the phone yesterday that he's in love with her. We're not even separated yet.

So it's a mix of money and infidelity.
Old 04-24-2009, 03:57 PM
Samantha Samantha is offline
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My x husband was verbally abusive, I had an affair and he caught us. I was on my way out, just happened sooner than I planned. Now I am divorced.
My affair has now turned into my future husband, newly engaged, he left his wife (loveless marriage, massive debt).
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