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Mom away on vacation - left homework interference instructions

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  • Mom away on vacation - left homework interference instructions

    Just venting.

    Unemployed Mom, who can't afford to contribute towards D8's uniform for weekly child activity (the activity she insisted D8 be in), and insert all the other usual "woe is me, you don't give me enough Support, you owe me blah blah blah" reasons here...happily goes away on vacation to the Carribbean for a week and a bit, for a "her" vacation. No kids. Pretty sure I know where the child support is going, a month before Christmas. Ok, whatever.

    Of course, I was told about this at the last minute (no chance for me to look into taking time off work to care for D8 during extra time) - she already had lined up a family member to look after the kids during "her time". Fine. It's "her" time. I think I met this extended family member once, before?

    Picking up D8, I find out that "family member" has been left instructions by Mom, about what is *not* to go to Dad's house, with D8. The usual issues...Homework, school planner, etc. Never mind that latest report card, and those "homework continues to be an issue" comments. All the stuff that Mom likes to play Gatekeeper with. I barely know this family member, and they don't know me, so obviously, I'm not going to make it an issue with them, but how ridiculous is that? "Mom says she can't bring that stuff".

    Mom to family-member: "Here is my emergency contact info, and my Gatekeeping instructions, while I'm away". (oh yeah, Mom didn't provide any kind of emerg contact info to me either, as apparently, I'm supposed to rely on the family member I barely know, in case something comes up).

    I've already sent the "document this" email, to Mom. Think I may follow-up with registered mail as well, when she gets back (in case she doesn't respond to email), as it just seems like an extra degree of stupid to request that other people continue Gatekeeping for you, while you are out of the country.

  • #2
    Contact the child's teacher for the homework and ask to ensure you are both copied on all communication about the child regardless of whose day it is, to ensure continuity, consistency and stability for the child.

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    • #3
      The teacher already tries to duplicate info but...

      Homework and planner go with D8 who Mom picks up/drops off directly at school. Current order's wording. That part of order needs fixing as that should help eliminate most interference issues in this regard. Not all. As part of issue is that homework goes to Mom's never to be seen again, or surfaces from there late.

      I can go directly to school to view stuff at school for visibility after the fact (which makes the Gatekeeping more bizarre, if Mom is trying to keep me from seeing it...ex. The planner) but the main problem is the interference with D8's homework and organization routine.

      Those tools are for D8.

      It just boggles my mind that someone would instruct others while they are away to keep interferring.

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      • #4
        Since Mom is not around right now, for a few days, I can go to the school to collect what I can now (and see if we can get things caught up), but that doesn't fix the problem going forward, when Mom is back and intercepting things again.

        Friggin whack-job.

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        • #5
          Just tell your kids what a whack job there mom is and how instead of taking them on an "us" vacation she goes a on "me banging random people" vacation.

          I look forward to telling my kids that their mom is homewrecker tramp.... the final icing on the cake.

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          • #6
            Rule 20(5) of CLRA

            Access
            (5) The entitlement to access to a child includes the right to visit with and be visited by the child and the same right as a parent to make inquiries and to be given information as to the health, education and welfare of the child. R.S.O. 1990, c. C.12, s. 20 (5).
            It's your right to be given information regarding education.

            I work in schools with "many" separated families. The current child I work with always has his agenda, homework, etc regardless of what parent's day or week it is. This is common sense for parents in separated families.

            I would get that wording changed for sure. The change in circumstance is that you anticipated your ex would share homework and other educational materials but has failed to do so, even going to the length of instructing other's to "block" you from it.

            It's in your child's best interest to be able to do homework, work on assignments and engage in any other educational activities with "both" parents. You shouldn't have to schedule meetings with the school to read the kids agenda, see homework, etc.

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            • #7
              and in the case only custodial parent get's copy of the child's planner ?

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              • #8
                Originally posted by trinton View Post
                and in the case only custodial parent get's copy of the child's planner ?
                In our case, we share custody (joint). Which is the *only* reason I am able to get the info that I do now - I can just imagine how things would go, if I didn't have joint custody.

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by dad2bandm View Post
                  In our case, we share custody (joint). Which is the *only* reason I am able to get the info that I do now - I can just imagine how things would go, if I didn't have joint custody.
                  You can ask me about that. It goes very bad. You never see your child's planner. You're a shadow left in the dark.

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                  • #10
                    Originally posted by dad2bandm View Post
                    In our case, we share custody (joint). Which is the *only* reason I am able to get the info that I do now - I can just imagine how things would go, if I didn't have joint custody.
                    No useful advice, just sorry to hear that your ex is being such a brat. If I were looking after a relative's kid for a few days and the relative told me not to let the other parent see Kid's homework, I hope I would have the cojones to tell the relative that this is nuts, I am not the errand-girl for Mom's disputes with Dad.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by stripes View Post
                      No useful advice, just sorry to hear that your ex is being such a brat. If I were looking after a relative's kid for a few days and the relative told me not to let the other parent see Kid's homework, I hope I would have the cojones to tell the relative that this is nuts, I am not the errand-girl for Mom's disputes with Dad.
                      The custodisl parents chosen babysitter does that with me . Whatever moms tells her she does. Let it be don't let the child take her bag to dad's house.

                      It's good you have that partiality. Some people love to jump to take sides to stir the pot because they really have nothing better to do

                      Comment

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