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  • Working during parenting time?

    received this question via PM from a member who wishes to remain anonymous :

    my ex-husband has an issue with me working, especially during the time the children are with me, he is very old fashioned and believe women belong at home, especially once they have kids.

    We have joint custody and 50-50 shared, no CS exchanged as our incomes are on par. we have the kids in a daycare program for before and after school for his time with the kids to accommodate his work schedule, but my work schedule is arranged such that I don't have to work when I have the kids with me, aside from the occasional pick up shift if someone is sick.

    He is now, through his lawyer, demanding I provide a letter of proof from my employer detailing my work schedule in an effort to have our schedule with the kids changed if I am working. I don't feel it should matter, given that HE is able to work during his kid time, and my employer feels it is private internal info that they aren't entitled to.

    I have provided him with my work schedule as of when it changed a year and a half ago. can they demand this and am I obligated to provide it? He is threatening to take me to court to disclose if I refuse. Would a judge even order that?

    thanks!

  • #2
    Links should read this post and see that it's not always the woman who doesn't want to work - this is probably not an uncommon issue nowadays.

    I'd let the husband take her to court and pay costs.

    Operative word here is "ex" is demanding this and that. I wonder if the "ex" would prefer for the mother to stay home and not work? Is he prepared to compensate for lost wages I wonder?

    Comment


    • #3
      I'd be putting that request in the ignore pile.

      Does he has first right of refusal for child care? i.e. if he isn't working he gets the choice to take the kids as opposed to a sitter.....

      Comment


      • #4
        He is asking because of the maximum contact law. I personally would provide your ex a statement to the effect that you understand the maximum contact law and that you do not work typically during your parenting time.

        Then leave it alone.

        Demand or no demand - that will not dictate costs. And I can't understand why you contemplate court, costs or not, if you didn't have to go.

        Comment


        • #5
          Originally posted by blinkandimgone View Post
          received this question via PM from a member who wishes to remain anonymous :

          my ex-husband has an issue with me working, especially during the time the children are with me, he is very old fashioned and believe women belong at home, especially once they have kids.

          We have joint custody and 50-50 shared, no CS exchanged as our incomes are on par. we have the kids in a daycare program for before and after school for his time with the kids to accommodate his work schedule, but my work schedule is arranged such that I don't have to work when I have the kids with me, aside from the occasional pick up shift if someone is sick.

          He is now, through his lawyer, demanding I provide a letter of proof from my employer detailing my work schedule in an effort to have our schedule with the kids changed if I am working. I don't feel it should matter, given that HE is able to work during his kid time, and my employer feels it is private internal info that they aren't entitled to.

          I have provided him with my work schedule as of when it changed a year and a half ago. can they demand this and am I obligated to provide it? He is threatening to take me to court to disclose if I refuse. Would a judge even order that?

          thanks!
          95% of this useless - all that matters is this

          He is now, through his lawyer, demanding I provide a letter of proof from my employer detailing my work schedule
          If you suspected he was working night shifts and putting the kids with a babysitter all his custodial time you'd have the right to know. This would also be grounds for a change in custody given you aren't as available as you were when the custody order was made.

          So provide him your work schedule

          If he starts complaining about normal amounts of childcare then tell him to stuff it.

          Comment


          • #6
            Links has hit this on the nose.

            The bigger issue is that this is easily resolved with mom providing her work schedule. You're either part of the problem or part of the solution.

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            • #7
              "Work schedule HAS been provided and the schedule is NOT, nor has it ever been, over night. What he's asking for is my employer to provide a letter saying I'm not lying about my schedule. My shifts are during the day when the kids are at school. "

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              • #8
                " I share the cost of his childcare, I don't incur any costs for childcare."

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                • #9
                  Considering your work rarely involves having to work when you have the kids and his does I would tell him that he can screw off (not in those words). The kids are in care during his time with them.

                  There is no reason why you should have to get your employer to write you a letter. You told him your schedule and if he doesn't want to believe you then he can take it to court.

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                  • #10
                    ^I concur. I would ignore the request and file in the trash bin. Not worthy of a response.

                    It looks as tho your custody/access issues are finalized, why does one parent still have a lawyer on retainer?
                    Start a discussion, not a fire. Post with kindness.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      "He insists on doing everything through his lawyer, all communication, annual exchange of financial etc."

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        He believes he has a reason to mistrust you I imagine.

                        I don't like the idea of letting him push you around but it might be a good slap in the face for him if you get a confirmation of your work schedule via an email or something informal from work to put him in his place.

                        Apparently, word on the street is that some people are crazy so if he has NO "good" reason to mistrust you then I agree ignore but at the end I don't see the harm in providing 3rd party evidence - given that this isn't something he always does - perhaps say you'll do it only this time but never again

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          What a waste of his money. Let them huff and puff, ignore his demand. I ignore asinine lawyer letters on a regular basis. Her schedule has been provided already

                          Amusing that he insists she "parent" the children during her time while he sets a different level of parenting for himself.



                          Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
                          Start a discussion, not a fire. Post with kindness.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Links17 View Post
                            He believes he has a reason to mistrust you I imagine.

                            I don't like the idea of letting him push you around but it might be a good slap in the face for him if you get a confirmation of your work schedule via an email or something informal from work to put him in his place.

                            Apparently, word on the street is that some people are crazy so if he has NO "good" reason to mistrust you then I agree ignore but at the end I don't see the harm in providing 3rd party evidence - given that this isn't something he always does - perhaps say you'll do it only this time but never again
                            I disagree.

                            Husband in this case is high conflict drama monster. If you feed the monster, the problem will grow.

                            A polite, brief NO is what is required.

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              "I work for a very low-profile/high risk crisis centre whose location and information is only available through police/hospital and other emergency services, we do not share any information that is not absolutely required with the general public to protect the location of our facility, the staff and clients. We are not even open at night, my schedule has not changed in a year and a half and isn't likely to change in the foreseeable future. Nothing has changed at all but his lawyer is all of a sudden demanding proof of my schedule. They are more than happy to take me to court.

                              I just really want to know if they are even entitled to ask for it, and if a judge would order my employer to provide it?"

                              Comment

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