What age can children decide?

[ConcernenedStepMom78]

Hammer NO believe me we have been to court umpteen million times...Do you know in 4 settlement Conferences the 14 year old wasnt even brought up NOT ONCE..... Even in her email settlements she NEVER brings him up, and she cleaned out his room at her house he doesnt even have a room IF he WANTS to visit...... We're due for trial assignment Nov 26...But there has been a lot of procedural screw ups in our case. In the meantime we have to wait we tried to bring an emergency motion several times and we cannot get anyone to hear it...keeps getting adjourned......

[HammerDad]

Hammer NO believe me we have been to court umpteen million times...Do you know in 4 settlement Conferences the 14 year old wasnt even brought up NOT ONCE..... Even in her email settlements she NEVER brings him up, and she cleaned out his room at her house he doesnt even have a room IF he WANTS to visit...... We're due for trial assignment Nov 26...But there has been a lot of procedural screw ups in our case. In the meantime we have to wait we tried to bring an emergency motion several times and we cannot get anyone to hear it...keeps getting adjourned......

Well, not sure what to tell you. I guess it will really depend on the ex and whether or not she wants to push it. If she doesn't then you are fine. If she does, well you know what may happen.

I don't like the fact that in your case the ex has seemingly cut ties. Personally I could never do that. I'm gonna go down swinging for my D5 if it should ever come to that. But I guess it is the difference in people between me and your hubbies Ex. Notwithstanding that, but my D5 has pretty much everything she could want at my place and I am consistent with my parenting time.

But for you, I guess it is a wait and see. You know she can make your life (even more) hell. Or she may sit back and do nothing. It's her call to make right now (which would scare the hell outta me).

[rwm1273]

What causes some much stress is the waiting game. Why do the courts allow so much time to pass without putting an end to the suffering?

[ConcernenedStepMom78]

rwm....IF only. You know I got the opportunity to speak to Susan Pigg on the phone not that long ago, for those of you who do NOT know she is a columnist at the Torontao Star who wrote many articles on Family Law. She was very polite. SHe made a statement to me that really hit my heart. If you are to a point that you feel you need to publiscize your situation and your kids lives SOMETHING is wrong. She stated to me she no longer writes about Family Law because of all the crap people have to go through and all the crap people put their kids through. For every one of us that is in this forum WE know that the Family Law system is messed up, how many of you would be willing to take a stand and fight for change in the system...yes we have Bill C-422, BUT we all have read the article "its time to blow up divorce Court" this is not a small problem ladies and gents and I will tell you what its NOT just Canada, US has a fair share too, dont even get me started on US...LOL So what do we all do ?

[rwm1273]

We don( have C422 and I doubt it will pass because of some very strong oposition from groups such as the Bar Association and feminist run shelter industries who rely upon a disfunctional family law system for their funding.

Remember that C422 was made from recomendations of the"for the sake of the children" report in 1999 and that was from a 10 year study. So we have had at least 20yrs of knowledge that family law is broken, and most agree that shared parenting is one of the needed changes. In every jurisdiction that shared parenting is in, there has been a drastic reduction in divorce rates.

[ConcernenedStepMom78]

this is the problem...we are the taxpayers and the voters, and yet we are drowned pout by the big wigs

[ConcernenedStepMom78]

It is our families and our children who are paying the price, financially, mentally and emotionally.

[Roni]

Get this: you are Considered a MINOR until the age of 19. WHY because you are not mature to make the right decisions most likely the wrong decisions. that is why we have separate Juvenile, Court System, and Laws for minors. not to mention smocking and drinking. There is a reason for all of this. If a minor commits and offense or a crime, Police and society cry out : where are the parents and why they are not parenting etc. Blame the parents.

You are considered an adult at the age of 19, meaning you judged equally with the rest of the crowd.

How is it then that the court system says that we can't tell a 15 or 16 year old what to do and where to go. the judges listen to the kids. This makes parents merely a by-standers. You are expected to pay whatever the cost but have no say on the matter.
I have 60/40 custody and instead of the judge upholding it, they give the kid a free for all you can eat deal. The kid says I don't want to spend time with you anymore because you don't let me have sleep overs and staying out late. Then comes early sexuality and drugs. The kid is given the power to self destruct. the new motto is Do what makes you feel good. (forget about right) . The school counselor told my kid to do what she thinks is best for her. Alcohol, Drugs and Sex all make you feel good do they not. My kids thinks that smoking pot is the best thing for her.

[IAMTheWiser]

depends on the Maturity of your child

I have 2 boys now age 12 & 14. The boys dont want to be with their Mom; although she has access 60% of the time on a weird rotation schedule the boys have now learned on many occasions the Mother has always been the problem. Now since, the boys have made a stand on their own feet and wish not to return back. I have them now full time...and how it came about is that night she called the police and came to my house to speak with the boys on two separate occasions and each one clearly stood up and looked the police right in the eyes and said I do not want to be with my Mother and I am staying here with my Father...dam those words spoken I wish could have been said straight to the Judge, lawyers, and CAS 3 years ago. They made me proud. Finally, JUSTICE prevails.

and as for CAS, they are so Pro-Mother its makes me sick to my stomach. So for all you Fathers out there just hang in and when they get to that certain age they will make their decision and no courts or police or papers can decide against them. Not even their Mother.

P.S
Now I have them 100% of the time I will be stopping all child support payments to her.

[IAMTheWiser]

Hammer NO believe me we have been to court umpteen million times...Do you know in 4 settlement Conferences the 14 year old wasnt even brought up NOT ONCE..... Even in her email settlements she NEVER brings him up, and she cleaned out his room at her house he doesnt even have a room IF he WANTS to visit...... We're due for trial assignment Nov 26...But there has been a lot of procedural screw ups in our case. In the meantime we have to wait we tried to bring an emergency motion several times and we cannot get anyone to hear it...keeps getting adjourned......

Stop WASTING YOUR MONEY AND LIFE with the Courts, Move on. They are only there to take your money and play the game, stop playing the game and do what you have to do.

[pokeman]

i have proof the federal court here in alberta is pro mother

and children dont always make up their own minds where they
want to live : hence this post

we fled an "extremly violent" abusive home - children's services
wrote a rather thick violent profile on the mother as did a second
independent - we talking blood - foot on neck till blacking out ... u
get the picture

the lawyers took everything, then they sent my 3 children to
court appointed shrink that made them feel sorry for "mom"

thats right - my 7 and 9 and 12 year were taught to feel sorry for thier
abuser under court supervision, they then planned a second wave
of therapist(s) to come in and document the childrens wishes ignoring
the 'alienation' that put them in that state of mind ...

thats how they screvv dads here

i paid my lawyers over $160,000 - when i fired her/lawyer and told her
specifically why including the court ordered gender based alienation
she was indiferent too she replied :

"sorry, nothing i could do about any of it - they want to give her
another chance"

"another chance" isnt shared custody .. NO NO not here, it means i am treated same as guy who screws the secretary and slaps his wife around
and leaves his children hungry spending his pay in casio $$

and WTF did i pay lawyers all this $ if the judge was discussing such
an agenda in the back room ( chamber meetings not allowed to go was
another reason i fired her )

where is this article 'blow up the court house' everyone is refering too
that i got to read ...

[Mess]

If she assaulted the children with her foot on their neck until they blacked out, why did you not have her criminally charged?

[pokeman]

staying on topic just want to make clear that children any age can be swayed to favor one parent over the other in canada with a federal judge in control

i paid $1000's following court orders to take my children to a specific therapist for almost 1 yr, in heated discussion therapist told me "children should be with their mother", in a self rep session i told judge this - but i was ordered to continue taking them there.

its court ordered gender based alienation, should children be 'manipulated' into feeling sorry or feeling love for their abuser cause they are told their 'abuser' suffered or should their abuser earn it over the next decade ?

any men want to fess up the system did this for them ?

i looked after and nurtured my children while me and X were together, i did more for them then she ever did ...

i did all the right things the avg cdn would do , sought out help, gave wife a chance to get help and i was willing to go with her , had to call the 'report abuse' # we all see on tv/buses/billboards etc

lawyers got involved and the rest is near history

my lawyers sat on hard evidence of abuse for 3 years while i was billed to death listening to "mom" say she didnt do anything ... my last lawyers dismissal written reply is proof that lawyers i paid and foolishly trusted AND a federal judge CONSPIRED in back room in favor of the mother

too many men know it - many feel it - and i can tell you from what i have seen what they/we/I feel is real

[dadtotheend]

So uhhhhh,

If she assaulted the children with her foot on their neck until they blacked out, why did you not have her criminally charged?

[pokeman]

ah, dad to the end , my nemisis at times it seems

i respect the fact you offer advice to others and i respect you for that,
and read and listen to your advice too and i thank you

you've told your storey which i believe is your wife was mentally ill
and you spent about $5000 and got your children

i am sure you suffered along the way - so not to say you didnt but
please just respect the fact we didnt all follow the same path to end up on this board