Right of Access When Leaving

[sarah2017]

Skype twice a week, unlimited access when he is in Ottawa, flying to see him for the following: 5 weeks in summer, every March break, every thanksgiving four day weekend, every Easter four day weekend, every may 24 long weekend, one week at Christmas. Also sharing cost of travel, continued joint custody.

[arabian]

naw... that's unrealistic and unsustainable IMO.

I'd offer Skype anytime, anyday between (6:00 - 7:00 PM); 2 weeks summer; 1 week Christmas. IF he wants to see children other times he can travel to see them. I'm not sure I would agree to paying anything for travel costs as he is the one who wants to move. Joint custody to me seems silly when he is proposing to move so far away and for that reason I would not agree to it.

I'd say he can see his kids anytime when he is in your city with reasonable notice to you. This parenting time should not interfere with children's school or extracurricular activity without your consent.

[sarah2017]

Thank you so much Arabian for your advice. I truly appreciate an outsiders opinion.

[arabian]

Sounds like he expects to only see kids during "fun" times. What happens if/when children are ill? Are they still expected to travel? Why does he only want to Skype with them 2 x week? Many kids whose parents live long distance away, Skype with the other parent every day or every other day.

[arabian]

Thank you so much Arabian for your advice. I truly appreciate an outsiders opinion.

I do not have young children and have not been involved in child custody disputes so take what I have to say as just merely my opinion. Others with pertinent experience will chime in.

You can also look up on CanLii and read cases similar to yours. Look at Ontario Superior Court for decisions and then type in some key search words in top line. You can also look at the province that he is moving to and search there as well.

[sarah2017]

I have spent hours searching CanLii and haven’t been able to find a case where the dad is moving away from the mom/kids. I feel as though my situation would need to be considered differently then if I was moving away with the kids or if he was trying to take the kids with him. This is also not a military case so that cannot be applied either.

[arabian]

You will probably find something eventually although it's probably not commonplace to read about someone who is essentially shooting themselves in the foot by voluntarily relocating far away from their children and has unrealistic access demands. I can't see a court ruling that you pay for his transportation costs to exercise access.

[kate331]

Let's just say my daughter is counting down the days until he is gone so she can increase how often she does her extracurricular activity because he was preventing her from exploring it to the full extent.

This is a tough one, because now your daughter will have to travel to see her Dad and stay for longer periods of time which could impede on her activity.

Let assume she is in Dance, does the activity break for the school holidays? I think the 4 day weekends are too much for young ones to travel that far, but Christmas, March Break and 1/2 the summer might work.

Divorce/separation is so hard on children, Its heartbreaking to think she is happy about this. But sometimes young kids process this in different ways.

[rockscan]

Lets be real here. Your ex is choosing to move away from his kids. Its not for a higher paying job, family or other issues. He is moving. In most cases like this its the custodial parent looking to move and providing a discount on travel and unlimited access to get the move accepted. For parents who choose to move away from their kids they are at the mercy of the kids schedules and travel costs.

His request is unreasonable. He doesnt get every holiday. You are their parent too and perhaps you want to celebrate thanksgiving and easter with them? You counter offer every other year with a mix. For instance, he gets easter and the second week of the christmas break on the even years and thanksgiving and the first half every odd year. March break you split. He pays for all costs to see them including travel to where he is. They can fly as unaccompanied minors to say a major connection with him meeting them there and traveling the rest of the way with them.

[Rioe]

HE is the one choosing to move away. You can't possibly have any obligation to take on any portion of travel costs for his access due to his choice, nor to give up your fair share of holidays with the children. Those are the sorts of concessions a parent makes when hoping to move WITH the kids and trying to convince the other parent to permit it. That is not your situation here.

I would suggest half of summer and half of Christmas, and all of March Breaks. Other access when he is able to spend it locally with the children, of up to half the long weekend holidays. Be willing to be open to other long weekends if he can show it is a direct flight of under four hours travel time or something.

What is the issue with joint custody? Distance is not a factor for discussing major decisions. They can be done by email. If there are other reasons for sole custody, present them, but don't make them related to distance.

[sarah2017]

Custody is a separate issue, I agree. I will present it separately.

As for travelling, I am unsure about opening it to ‘whenever he is able to spend it locally with the children’ as he could show up every single weekend (he is the master of loopholes).

[standing on the sidelines]

Custody is a separate issue, I agree. I will present it separately.

As for travelling, I am unsure about opening it to ‘whenever he is able to spend it locally with the children’ as he could show up every single weekend (he is the master of loopholes).

I seriously doubt you have to worry about that. The cost and the beating his body would take every weekend with the travelling would deter him from doing that. What you could do is say every other weekend if he is in the area he can spend it with the kids just to give yourself some piece of mind or something along that line.

[Rioe]

I seriously doubt you have to worry about that. The cost and the beating his body would take every weekend with the travelling would deter him from doing that. What you could do is say every other weekend if he is in the area he can spend it with the kids just to give yourself some piece of mind or something along that line.

She would need to have clauses that specify details. Additional access for long weekends locally, if notified a month in advance. That sort of thing. That prevents her from having her own plans held hostage because she never knows if he's coming from one weekend to the next.

[sarah2017]

Great ideas everyone, thank you. So what I am hearing is that I would be justified to say that four day weekends are not long enough for the children’s lengthy travel to visit him but if he wants to come here to visit them then he can do that provided he gives me a months notice. That seems fair. But I think I would want to have some of those holidays to celebrate with my family as well. I don’t thunk it’s fair that he could get every thanksgiving for example (if he traveled here each year). We could alternate...