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  • #31
    Originally posted by rockscan View Post
    One case is not several cases and it could be watered down in the sense that he didnt have to pay the hockey expenses.

    The bottom line is cs is the right of the child and follows the child. Yes you have an order for 50/50 with offset but thats not what you have happening and it hasnt been the case for several months. Your ex is well within her rights to request full support. You can try to argue that shes in contempt for the access but as we've all said, a judge will listen to the kids and if they go in saying we want to live with mom thats what will happen and you'll be on the hook for cs AND legal expenses.

    You have to ask yourself if its worth the ten grand in legal costs as well as the months in court and alienating your kids more while still being slapped with a hefty cs arrears amount.
    I agree the case sounded more like section 7 instead of CS. I think there may be more to the story as guys who have had one night stands have been found liable for CS for any unwanted pregnancy. Plus his friend wasn't seeing his kids at all except at public hockey games.

    I have a feelng this poster doesn't care about the cost of going to court, he will do it just to try and prove his point.

    Comment


    • #32
      Originally posted by rockscan View Post
      One case is not several cases and it could be watered down in the sense that he didnt have to pay the hockey expenses.

      The bottom line is cs is the right of the child and follows the child. Yes you have an order for 50/50 with offset but thats not what you have happening and it hasnt been the case for several months. Your ex is well within her rights to request full support. You can try to argue that shes in contempt for the access but as we've all said, a judge will listen to the kids and if they go in saying we want to live with mom thats what will happen and you'll be on the hook for cs AND legal expenses.

      You have to ask yourself if its worth the ten grand in legal costs as well as the months in court and alienating your kids more while still being slapped with a hefty cs arrears amount.
      If there is a way to be alienated more by my kids I'd love to hear it! The facts need to be heard by the court...all of them! That's what a Court is there for. They are bound to follow "Guideline" only in the absence of better arguments to the contrary. At least that is what I've seen from all my reading.

      But this is beside the point. If you look at my original post, it was to solicit advise from someone who has gone through the same thing I am going through now. It wasn't an invitation for anyone and everyone to give their advice based on some opinion they have and draw me into arguing the merits of this and that. I can do that myself.

      Comment


      • #33
        How old are your kids?

        Sorry, I don't have any personal experience in this area. However, I do believe I am free to post on any post on the forum.

        On a Sunday morning I have some time and if you can provide the ages of your children I will do a quick CanLii search and see if I can find any cases similar to your situation.

        Comment


        • #34
          Originally posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
          I agree the case sounded more like section 7 instead of CS. I think there may be more to the story as guys who have had one night stands have been found liable for CS for any unwanted pregnancy. Plus his friend wasn't seeing his kids at all except at public hockey games.

          I have a feelng this poster doesn't care about the cost of going to court, he will do it just to try and prove his point.
          Exactly...to prove my point not yours. I have given only a fraction of the details of the situation. Being alienated from your kids (if you've never had that happen to you?) is worth fighting for to "prove the point" that what was done was to limit my access to my kids and to get more child support.

          Comment


          • #35
            are you still seeing your kids??? Being limited (because they want to live with their mom vs you) is very different then not seeing them at all.

            Comment


            • #36
              Originally posted by arabian View Post
              How old are your kids?

              Sorry, I don't have any personal experience in this area. However, I do believe I am free to post on any post on the forum.

              On a Sunday morning I have some time and if you can provide the ages of your children I will do a quick CanLii search and see if I can find any cases similar to your situation.
              I have been looking on CanLii and have not found anything similar enough to my situation. My kids are all in their teens now. I have no stomach or desire to fight them on their decision on my own without support from a Court or child advocate, because from their mother it will not come. It will just push my kids away even more than what they feel now. They see nothing wrong with cutting their father out of their life almost entirely. Punishing their father financially even more does nothing to help that. Punishing their mother financially stands a chance.

              And just so everyone is clear here, I am not against supporting my kids financially in any way they need and I can afford. That has been made clear to them and their mother more than once and to the Court in my response. Putting money in her hands directly to spoil the kids more to bolster her "friendship" with them is not only immoral, it should be a crime!!

              Comment


              • #37
                There is a difference between a child who is 12 and a child who is 17 (both teenaged).

                If you have read CanLii you will note that it might be extremely important for your "teenagers" to be represented by OCL. This would help the court determine if there is a material change of circumstances and if this change of circumstances was contemplated at the time of your current custody order. IMO If there is no material change of circumstances then your ex would have no chance of changing custody/child support. Besides, without an impartial view of the situation (OCL) the court would be hard-pressed to make a decision on this.

                You do not need to limit your searches on CanLii to just your province. Court of Appeal decisions (from any province) carry lots of weight with courts.

                good luck

                Comment


                • #38
                  Originally posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
                  are you still seeing your kids??? Being limited (because they want to live with their mom vs you) is very different then not seeing them at all.
                  My youngest has been invited twice to see me since June and both times his decline seemed rehearsed, was disrespectful and got nowhere.

                  My middle child I have conversed with several time by text...some good some bad. She has been invited to meet at least twice by me and once by my partner and both times got nowhere.

                  My oldest child I have seen 5 times since June. I have tried to recruit her a bit as an "advocate for dad" with my middle child, but so far nothing.

                  Someone somehow has convinced them that seeing their father will be disloyal to their mother, or misinterpreted as a gesture that they want to go back to 50/50 living with their father, or an erosion of their power to think "I'm in control of my life"(from a text from my son!), or probably a combination of all of these things.

                  If it wasn't for my sister-in-law giving me the book "Divorce Poison" to help me navigate through all this I'd be either in a metal hospital or a morgue right now...death from a broken heart!

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Originally posted by WilsonWilsonWilson View Post
                    Obviously I cannot expect more advice from people here other than "cookie-cutter" approach because they don't know all the details. But I do have a problem with the insinuation that I am trying to be a dead-beat dad!!!

                    Living with their mother for "whatever" reason just does not fly in court from what I can see. I live in their school district she doesn't. We promote the realities of life to the children, she promotes whatever makes her a better friend to the children. In other words, we help the kids "push the snow in their way", she jumps in front and does all that for them. Frig, if I was my kids I'd be going to live with her too, but that does not make the decision right because I would do it as well in their shoes. They don't get parented there, they get coddled. We are "tell" parents, she is an "ask" parent. Read the latest article about that in Maclean's magazine and see how damaging this is to children's future coping skills!

                    I have three children. I have tried several times to convince my children the importance of sharing their time equally with both parents. I don't know what has been said over there, but it has resulted in me not seeing two of my kids since last June and they live 5 minutes away. I can almost throw a rock from the roof of my house to the school where one of them goes. My oldest child, who's mind is less moldable, I have seen 5 times since June. The other two have been invited to see me several times and have found excuses or parroted stuff back to me that obviously has not come from their brain!

                    I'm not a dead-beat father. I have dead-beat children thanks to their mother's behaviour, or lack of parenting more like it!!
                    It must be very difficult for you. However, whatever you are doing, you should stop using the argument of the distance/school district.
                    If you live in the school district and she lives 5mn away from you, then she is pretty close to the school too right? She is only 5mn further from the school then you are, even if not in the same school district.

                    Also, you have your parenting style, she has hers. You can change yours if needed but you cannot change hers.

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      Originally posted by arabian View Post
                      There is a difference between a child who is 12 and a child who is 17 (both teenaged).

                      If you have read CanLii you will note that it might be extremely important for your "teenagers" to be represented by OCL. This would help the court determine if there is a material change of circumstances and if this change of circumstances was contemplated at the time of your current custody order. IMO If there is no material change of circumstances then your ex would have no chance of changing custody/child support. Besides, without an impartial view of the situation (OCL) the court would be hard-pressed to make a decision on this.

                      You do not need to limit your searches on CanLii to just your province. Court of Appeal decisions (from any province) carry lots of weight with courts.

                      good luck
                      My three kids range in age from 13 to 16. The only "material change of circumstances" was their decision to go live where the living was "free and easy!" Can anyone blame them?!?! From our house they walk to school, from their mother (who lives out of school district) they get a drive. At our house we focus on wholesome healthy homemade meals, at their mother fast food accounts for at least a 1/3 of all food consumed. At our house there are limits put on electronics times, at their mother the phone goes to bed with them and I have had texts from my oldest after midnight on a school night.

                      I have 9 letters of reference from friends and family who are completely gob-smacked by what has happened in our family and how the kids have basically abandoned us!

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Originally posted by ele110 View Post
                        It must be very difficult for you. However, whatever you are doing, you should stop using the argument of the distance/school district.
                        If you live in the school district and she lives 5mn away from you, then she is pretty close to the school too right? She is only 5mn further from the school then you are, even if not in the same school district.

                        Also, you have your parenting style, she has hers. You can change yours if needed but you cannot change hers.
                        No one comes on this site to post that has the same parenting style as their current or former spouse I'm sure of that!

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          You are all over the map. You need to really listen to what posters are saying here, they are very knowledgeable, whether they have been through the exact same thing as you or not, doesn't make their advice invalid.

                          Your children are teenagers. No judge is going to force a teenager to continue 50-50. Heck at 14 a teenager can choose to move out of both parents house. You have created this divide between your kids and you and you're trying to blame your ex. She doesn't need to have the same parenting style as you but I can assure you, your strict parenting style is what has caused this issue. When both parents are together a strict parenting style may be okay because both parents are on board, but as children get older if they have a choice between some independence and having their every move overlooked and controlled, they are going to gravitate towards their independence.

                          You need to take responsibility. You have had 50-50 for years, if mom was truly to blame your kids would have voiced their misery about your house long before now. Instead of putting all your effort on blaming mom, waving a court order around (which is basically useless now) and trying to prove you are the better parent, pay your CS for her having the kids full time, be a man and rekindle the relationship with your kids.

                          I don't know why they would want to come to your house if they constantly feel you are trying to make them choose, change their mind, etc. Your kids are teens, accept that fact and move on with life. The more you pressure them to maintain 50-50 the further away you are pushing them.

                          And btw, my husband was in a similar situation growing up, in his teens him and his brother went and lived full time with his mom because they didn't like the rules at Dad's house or his new partner. Fast forward 20 years later, he doesn't talk to his dad. His dad was angry he made that decision, angry he had to pay more and due to dad's anger and resentment, those emotions never died. They never had a meaningful relationship after that. Up until about 5 years ago they saw each other on occasion but it has gotten to the point where they don't know each other and my husband has no desire to be around his toxic, negative father, who constantly puts his mom down.

                          My husband realizes that his decisions at the time are what started this downward spiral but he also knows he was a young teenager and he feels that if his dad wasn't so angry and resentful maybe they would have had a relationship in adulthood, but all hope is lost.

                          Comment


                          • #43
                            Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
                            You are all over the map. You need to really listen to what posters are saying here, they are very knowledgeable, whether they have been through the exact same thing as you or not, doesn't make their advice invalid.

                            Your children are teenagers. No judge is going to force a teenager to continue 50-50. Heck at 14 a teenager can choose to move out of both parents house. You have created this divide between your kids and you and you're trying to blame your ex. She doesn't need to have the same parenting style as you but I can assure you, your strict parenting style is what has caused this issue. When both parents are together a strict parenting style may be okay because both parents are on board, but as children get older if they have a choice between some independence and having their every move overlooked and controlled, they are going to gravitate towards their independence.

                            You need to take responsibility. You have had 50-50 for years, if mom was truly to blame your kids would have voiced their misery about your house long before now. Instead of putting all your effort on blaming mom, waving a court order around (which is basically useless now) and trying to prove you are the better parent, pay your CS for her having the kids full time, be a man and rekindle the relationship with your kids.

                            I don't know why they would want to come to your house if they constantly feel you are trying to make them choose, change their mind, etc. Your kids are teens, accept that fact and move on with life. The more you pressure them to maintain 50-50 the further away you are pushing them.

                            And btw, my husband was in a similar situation growing up, in his teens him and his brother went and lived full time with his mom because they didn't like the rules at Dad's house or his new partner. Fast forward 20 years later, he doesn't talk to his dad. His dad was angry he made that decision, angry he had to pay more and due to dad's anger and resentment, those emotions never died. They never had a meaningful relationship after that. Up until about 5 years ago they saw each other on occasion but it has gotten to the point where they don't know each other and my husband has no desire to be around his toxic, negative father, who constantly puts his mom down.

                            My husband realizes that his decisions at the time are what started this downward spiral but he also knows he was a young teenager and he feels that if his dad wasn't so angry and resentful maybe they would have had a relationship in adulthood, but all hope is lost.
                            You are making a lot of assumptions that don't reflect my situation very much. Perhaps it will be helpful for someone you are describing, but like I said from the beginning and what I find myself having to repeat over and over again, I'm looking for someone with personal experience in my situation, not someone who feels their opinion is the way the Court will see it also.

                            Comment


                            • #44
                              The only poster I can think of who currently posts on here who might have personal experience similar to yours could be Rockspan - her current spouse has gone through something similar and now he is trying to have a meaningful relationship with his 2 estranged teenaged daughters who reside with the mother.

                              Comment


                              • #45
                                Then you need to go find that person, but I guarantee you won't find it because no situation is the same. There are many parents who move to maintain 50-50 only to find eventually the kids decide to stay full time with the other parent. Your situation isn't all the unique. You had 50-50 and the teens decided to move in with mom. Why do you think your situation is so special?

                                Comment

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