Consent Order of 9/30/11 states that access to my daughter (D2) now 15 months old "pickup and drop off of the child to be at the Respondent's residence".
Because the ex doesn't live near any public facilities except a park, which is a 5 minute walk, what I had done until now is pull up 5-10 minutes early, so as not to be late. I park the car, turn off the ignition, take baby out of her car seat, and bring her on my lap to try to have a nice 5-10 minute conversation before dropping her off.
D2's mom would always come out of the house as soon as she sees my car pull up, frantically waving her arms to get baby's attention. Baby who hasn't seen the other parent for a long time naturally wants to go to the other parent upon sight.
I asked the ex if she would please wait inside until the end of our access time, and she refuses. So now, with the better weather, I park a bit down the street. Then I will walk up to the house with baby when the time has come.
Last Wednesday and Thursday ex offered me extra time - 6 daily hours instead of the 4 hours under the consent order. She is the gatekeeper and all I can do is ask once, and hope she agrees. It's random and she doesn't always respond or agree. Wednesday went really well and I've found some great places for parents to bring little children, which is great for us since I don't have a home in Burnaby.
9AM Thursday she has not brought the baby out as usual, so I walk up and ring the doorbell. I notice a large, overflowing ashtray with cigarette butts, AT GROUND LEVEL. I have seen my daughter playing in this area frequently. I ring the bell and am happy to see my daughter, I am thinking about nothing else except a smooth handover and spending time with her.
Ex is ANGRY. She yells at me and says "you are NOT to be coming to the house! My parents have made it VERY CLEAR you are NOT WELCOME HERE!" I calmly state that the order states pickup and drop off from the house. She says "FINE!!!" and appears to calm down. She hands baby over to me. I then say (probably should have waited until later), would you please keep that ashtray out of reach of the baby? And I point to it. Ex goes crazy and slams the door on us.
I buckle baby into her seat, program GPS for the family place we will be going to, and am about to drive off when the ex comes out of the house and pounds on my car window. I make sure doors are locked and roll down window slightly. She demands I turn D2 back over to her. She says the order says noon to 4, she no longer agrees to 9am to 3pm as she had agreed in the email. I tell her I am keeping baby until 3, and to please step away from the car. She threatens to call the police and then threatens me: "you had better watch your back, (my name)!)
Because she has called the police on me before, I call the local RCMP constable who had dealt with the incident last time. I leave him a voice mail and explain the situation. I send an email to the ex, her lawyer, and my legal secretary. I inform them exactly where we will be and from when, I include a copy of the email agreement for 9-3pm access, and state that any frantic calls to the police or disruption of our visit will not be tolerated. I get no response to this and the remaining 6 hours go very well.
I get back at 3PM and walk baby back up to the house. The ashtray is still there on the floor. I take a photo of it with my phone before ringing the doorbell. Ex is furious that I came to the door again. I simply inform her what baby ate, when she had her nap, and when her last diaper change was, I say goodbye to my daughter, and walk away.
I send an email to the ex, her lawyer and her mother with the photograph of the ashtray. I ask politely that they please not have cigarette butts or any dangerous objects at ground level where the baby plays.
Ex's mom writes me back, copying the ex but not the lawyer. She tells me I ought to choose my battles wisely. She tells me I am not to come to the house for any reason whatsoever, that I am not welcome there, and that I may call my ex on her cell and she can bring the baby to me wherever I am. I reply that I intend to follow the court order of pick up and drop off of my daughter from her home, and that I have never come to her home for any other reason, and that I expect her to keep cigarette butts off the floor where baby plays.
These people have threatened to have me killed before. I think they are more bark than bite, but what's most upsetting is the way they speak to me and about me in front of the baby. Is there anything I should be doing here other than taking notes? Wednesday I am super-dad "worthy" of 4 extra hours of access time, Thursday I am a criminal intruder who had better "watch your back".
Because the ex doesn't live near any public facilities except a park, which is a 5 minute walk, what I had done until now is pull up 5-10 minutes early, so as not to be late. I park the car, turn off the ignition, take baby out of her car seat, and bring her on my lap to try to have a nice 5-10 minute conversation before dropping her off.
D2's mom would always come out of the house as soon as she sees my car pull up, frantically waving her arms to get baby's attention. Baby who hasn't seen the other parent for a long time naturally wants to go to the other parent upon sight.
I asked the ex if she would please wait inside until the end of our access time, and she refuses. So now, with the better weather, I park a bit down the street. Then I will walk up to the house with baby when the time has come.
Last Wednesday and Thursday ex offered me extra time - 6 daily hours instead of the 4 hours under the consent order. She is the gatekeeper and all I can do is ask once, and hope she agrees. It's random and she doesn't always respond or agree. Wednesday went really well and I've found some great places for parents to bring little children, which is great for us since I don't have a home in Burnaby.
9AM Thursday she has not brought the baby out as usual, so I walk up and ring the doorbell. I notice a large, overflowing ashtray with cigarette butts, AT GROUND LEVEL. I have seen my daughter playing in this area frequently. I ring the bell and am happy to see my daughter, I am thinking about nothing else except a smooth handover and spending time with her.
Ex is ANGRY. She yells at me and says "you are NOT to be coming to the house! My parents have made it VERY CLEAR you are NOT WELCOME HERE!" I calmly state that the order states pickup and drop off from the house. She says "FINE!!!" and appears to calm down. She hands baby over to me. I then say (probably should have waited until later), would you please keep that ashtray out of reach of the baby? And I point to it. Ex goes crazy and slams the door on us.
I buckle baby into her seat, program GPS for the family place we will be going to, and am about to drive off when the ex comes out of the house and pounds on my car window. I make sure doors are locked and roll down window slightly. She demands I turn D2 back over to her. She says the order says noon to 4, she no longer agrees to 9am to 3pm as she had agreed in the email. I tell her I am keeping baby until 3, and to please step away from the car. She threatens to call the police and then threatens me: "you had better watch your back, (my name)!)
Because she has called the police on me before, I call the local RCMP constable who had dealt with the incident last time. I leave him a voice mail and explain the situation. I send an email to the ex, her lawyer, and my legal secretary. I inform them exactly where we will be and from when, I include a copy of the email agreement for 9-3pm access, and state that any frantic calls to the police or disruption of our visit will not be tolerated. I get no response to this and the remaining 6 hours go very well.
I get back at 3PM and walk baby back up to the house. The ashtray is still there on the floor. I take a photo of it with my phone before ringing the doorbell. Ex is furious that I came to the door again. I simply inform her what baby ate, when she had her nap, and when her last diaper change was, I say goodbye to my daughter, and walk away.
I send an email to the ex, her lawyer and her mother with the photograph of the ashtray. I ask politely that they please not have cigarette butts or any dangerous objects at ground level where the baby plays.
Ex's mom writes me back, copying the ex but not the lawyer. She tells me I ought to choose my battles wisely. She tells me I am not to come to the house for any reason whatsoever, that I am not welcome there, and that I may call my ex on her cell and she can bring the baby to me wherever I am. I reply that I intend to follow the court order of pick up and drop off of my daughter from her home, and that I have never come to her home for any other reason, and that I expect her to keep cigarette butts off the floor where baby plays.
These people have threatened to have me killed before. I think they are more bark than bite, but what's most upsetting is the way they speak to me and about me in front of the baby. Is there anything I should be doing here other than taking notes? Wednesday I am super-dad "worthy" of 4 extra hours of access time, Thursday I am a criminal intruder who had better "watch your back".
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