Hi everyone,
I'm a first time poster to this site, it was referred to me by a friend (you know who you are, Thank You).
A little background info:
Together: 17 years (this June)
Married: 9 Years (this August)
Kids: 2 Boys (5 & 10)
There has been a long history of violence in my marriage, my STBX has a wicked temper, he has never been physically abusive towards me or the children, but when he looses his temper he gets violent, smashing things, punching walls, kicking things, throwing things around, breaking things. He was not only like this with us, but even when he is alone it can happen. My children are now afraid of him. He has been like this since our first year together......but it has become much worse over the years.
I know, I know, I should have ran as far and as fast as I could back then, but I was young and inexperienced, and thought, he'll change, he'll grow up, etc. etc.......and if I had, I would not have my two beautiful sons today! Hind sight is always 20/20.
About two months ago, I told him I was not happy in our marriage, and had not been for a long time, that we needed to get some counselling, he agreed, but from the first appt I could tell he did not want to be there, and the second appt he even got up and left after only 10 minutes (he did not like it when the therapist told me to call the cops if he got violent again). There were about 3 more appts after that, and he always seemed to be negative, and saying that he did not think they were working.
About 4 weeks ago, I told him that I thought we might need to seperate, he of course did not want to, telling me he loves me and promising to get the help he needs (we are now almost 4 weeks later, and he still has not called his doctor).
I recently went away for a course for work (first time in our 17 years together that I have been away), and I had a lot of time to think and to reflect on everything and I came to the realization that I am no longer in love with him, and that this has been the case for some time.
I told him yesterday morning, that I still was not happy, that I was no longer in love and that I wanted a seperation. His immediate response was "ok" (see we discussed this while on the drive into work). Last night was tense, we barely spoke and once the kids were gone to bed we finally talked. Of course I got a barrage of questions, "Why now?, why all of a sudden?, I thought we were gonna try and work things out, Is there someone else?". There is no one else, and I was honest with him about all things, that this is not all of a sudden, that things are not working out ect. He of course blames my friends too, saying that me spending time with my "Man Hater" friends is not helping his cause, which of course is not the case, my friends have never said anything nasty about him at all, that they would be there for me no matter what decision I made, only one friend commented that she did not like the way he was dis-respectful to me all the time. Then he comments that cause all my friends are becoming single that I need to be too, just like when my friends started having kids, I had to have them too. He is angry, I get that.
I have a feeling I am in for a long road ahead of me. We need to stay living together in the same house until it sells for financial reasons, I just hope it does not take long to sell.
Sorry for the long blurb, just wanted to provide a little background. Also want to thank you all for sharing your stories and advice and experiences, I have been reading a lot on the forums over the last couple of days, Thanks!
AngieJ
I'm a first time poster to this site, it was referred to me by a friend (you know who you are, Thank You).
A little background info:
Together: 17 years (this June)
Married: 9 Years (this August)
Kids: 2 Boys (5 & 10)
There has been a long history of violence in my marriage, my STBX has a wicked temper, he has never been physically abusive towards me or the children, but when he looses his temper he gets violent, smashing things, punching walls, kicking things, throwing things around, breaking things. He was not only like this with us, but even when he is alone it can happen. My children are now afraid of him. He has been like this since our first year together......but it has become much worse over the years.
I know, I know, I should have ran as far and as fast as I could back then, but I was young and inexperienced, and thought, he'll change, he'll grow up, etc. etc.......and if I had, I would not have my two beautiful sons today! Hind sight is always 20/20.
About two months ago, I told him I was not happy in our marriage, and had not been for a long time, that we needed to get some counselling, he agreed, but from the first appt I could tell he did not want to be there, and the second appt he even got up and left after only 10 minutes (he did not like it when the therapist told me to call the cops if he got violent again). There were about 3 more appts after that, and he always seemed to be negative, and saying that he did not think they were working.
About 4 weeks ago, I told him that I thought we might need to seperate, he of course did not want to, telling me he loves me and promising to get the help he needs (we are now almost 4 weeks later, and he still has not called his doctor).
I recently went away for a course for work (first time in our 17 years together that I have been away), and I had a lot of time to think and to reflect on everything and I came to the realization that I am no longer in love with him, and that this has been the case for some time.
I told him yesterday morning, that I still was not happy, that I was no longer in love and that I wanted a seperation. His immediate response was "ok" (see we discussed this while on the drive into work). Last night was tense, we barely spoke and once the kids were gone to bed we finally talked. Of course I got a barrage of questions, "Why now?, why all of a sudden?, I thought we were gonna try and work things out, Is there someone else?". There is no one else, and I was honest with him about all things, that this is not all of a sudden, that things are not working out ect. He of course blames my friends too, saying that me spending time with my "Man Hater" friends is not helping his cause, which of course is not the case, my friends have never said anything nasty about him at all, that they would be there for me no matter what decision I made, only one friend commented that she did not like the way he was dis-respectful to me all the time. Then he comments that cause all my friends are becoming single that I need to be too, just like when my friends started having kids, I had to have them too. He is angry, I get that.
I have a feeling I am in for a long road ahead of me. We need to stay living together in the same house until it sells for financial reasons, I just hope it does not take long to sell.
Sorry for the long blurb, just wanted to provide a little background. Also want to thank you all for sharing your stories and advice and experiences, I have been reading a lot on the forums over the last couple of days, Thanks!
AngieJ
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