Help--disagreements on diciplining approach

[Becca75]

I have a 2 yr daughter whom I have sole custody. I am having a very difficult time trying to get my ex to accept, cooperate and stay consistant on the way I approach diciplining my daughter.
He believes in the "tough love" approach and has no problem with spanking and raising his voice to her etc. I take the less harsh approach with time outs and talk about her frustration with her.
I have made it very clear that she is not to spanked under any circumstances nor yelled at for any reason. He continues to do it his way and when she comes home she's very stressed out and becomes agressive with me.
My question is, if I have sole custody what rights do I have as far as decision making goes if he refuses to cooperate and it's effecting her emotional well being.
Any help and or advice would be greatly appreciated

[Grace]

I don't think there is anything you can do, often happily married couples can't agree on discipline. Having sole custody doesn't mean you can make the rules at his house. I'd be concerned about the spanking. I'm with you that it doesn't work. Wasn't there some case a while back that went through the courts re: spanking. I can't remember the outcome.

[Grace]

I found the case.

http://www.cbc.ca/stories/2004/01/30/spanking040130

[logicalvelocity]

Just an opinion

3 styles of parenting

a) Tough as Bricks - Very strict and lots of discipline

b) Backbone - Flexible but yet firm

c) Jellyfish - give in to the child

I agree with your methods on how to discipline a child - the time out approach. I don't think it is politically or morally correct to strike a child in this day and age.

There are generally four areas that are the main causes of why children misbehave

a)Attention- negative attention is better than none at all;

b)Power - need to feel in control

c)Revenge - when hurt they fight back

d)Display of adequacy - hopelessness, and feeling they can't do anything right

You could consult with a lawyer and see what chances of getting your X to take a parenting course. The courts could order this as a condition of access.

[Tim]

Just an opinion

3 styles of parenting

a) Tough as Bricks - Very strict and lots of discipline

b) Backbone - Flexible but yet firm

c) Jellyfish - give in to the child

This is right!
Jellyfish is wrong - you cant always give in.
Obviously most of us prefer and practice the 'Backbone' method, I know I do.
I dont believe in being 'tough as bricks' unless the circumstances call for it.