Hello,
After almost 12 years of marriage I never thought I'd be joining this site, but here I am. Everyone has a story, most want to know, some pass judgment and others don't. As a result of my actions, I am now a single dad with 3 beautiful children, 2 boys, 12 and 10, and my princess although far from it, who is 4. So what happened? Ultimately the end was because I cheated. I had a long lasting affair. I find it easiest on me if I just say it like it is, it's a double edged sword anyway. If I tell people, more people know, there is more embarrassment and humiliation but if I don't I'm deemed a coward for not taking responsibility for what I did.
I take some solace in the counselling I've had and the meaningful books I've read to help me through this paradigm shift in knowing that yes, although my actions caused the end, the complexity of the 'issues' that may or may not have contributed to it, are varied and run deep. I've explored my childhood, upbringing and experiences that contributed to my mould. I explored the full spectrum of issues in my marriage that caused me to build these walls a mile high, composed of anger and resentment which I now have to overcome in order to move forward. And, I'll continue exploration to try and make myself a better person and continue to exceed as being a loving and dedicated dad.
I don't want to air dirty laundry, this needs to be done between me and my ex; probably will never happen in the way it should and really serves no purpose unless we are trying to reconcile. Some say everything happens for a reason. God, if there is one, has a plan. In my line of work, I've seen some pretty horrible things and can't understand why god would want anyone to suffer these things. I believe there are reasons why things happen. Dr. Phil says, no matter how flat the pancake, there is always another side.
We've sold the house we worked so hard to create, the deep rooted family we once had is now fractured, the marriage we once had, now broken and I'm realizing that being a single dad is not cool. Aging parents, few family members and severed friendships not to mention now being alone with the rest of it: lifelong financial commitments different from the objectives I had, back in the dating scene when all I wanted was a wife that would fulfill my basic needs. I was told by another woman, guys are pretty simple: they want to be fucked, fed and appreciated from time to time and in most cases you'll live a happy life.
I married a beautiful woman, a model in fact, with many endearing qualities. She nurtures our children, but lacked the ability to nurture me somwthing i was starved of in childhood and desired as an adult. In counselling when I let her have it, I was appalled when her response to my beefs were 'I guess I'm just old fashioned, I just expected to be taken care of'. Again, I don't want to air dirty laundry; she has her side to tell.
A brief intro to a story I feel is becoming a broken record. Filled with sadness, guilt, fear, uncertainty and all the other negatives, I do realize there are positives in all this.
I cheated. Im to blame. I am and will be forever sorry. My ex didnt deserve this, my family and friends didnt deserve this. I was unhappy and in seeking happiness made things worse. But I'm reconstructing!
After almost 12 years of marriage I never thought I'd be joining this site, but here I am. Everyone has a story, most want to know, some pass judgment and others don't. As a result of my actions, I am now a single dad with 3 beautiful children, 2 boys, 12 and 10, and my princess although far from it, who is 4. So what happened? Ultimately the end was because I cheated. I had a long lasting affair. I find it easiest on me if I just say it like it is, it's a double edged sword anyway. If I tell people, more people know, there is more embarrassment and humiliation but if I don't I'm deemed a coward for not taking responsibility for what I did.
I take some solace in the counselling I've had and the meaningful books I've read to help me through this paradigm shift in knowing that yes, although my actions caused the end, the complexity of the 'issues' that may or may not have contributed to it, are varied and run deep. I've explored my childhood, upbringing and experiences that contributed to my mould. I explored the full spectrum of issues in my marriage that caused me to build these walls a mile high, composed of anger and resentment which I now have to overcome in order to move forward. And, I'll continue exploration to try and make myself a better person and continue to exceed as being a loving and dedicated dad.
I don't want to air dirty laundry, this needs to be done between me and my ex; probably will never happen in the way it should and really serves no purpose unless we are trying to reconcile. Some say everything happens for a reason. God, if there is one, has a plan. In my line of work, I've seen some pretty horrible things and can't understand why god would want anyone to suffer these things. I believe there are reasons why things happen. Dr. Phil says, no matter how flat the pancake, there is always another side.
We've sold the house we worked so hard to create, the deep rooted family we once had is now fractured, the marriage we once had, now broken and I'm realizing that being a single dad is not cool. Aging parents, few family members and severed friendships not to mention now being alone with the rest of it: lifelong financial commitments different from the objectives I had, back in the dating scene when all I wanted was a wife that would fulfill my basic needs. I was told by another woman, guys are pretty simple: they want to be fucked, fed and appreciated from time to time and in most cases you'll live a happy life.
I married a beautiful woman, a model in fact, with many endearing qualities. She nurtures our children, but lacked the ability to nurture me somwthing i was starved of in childhood and desired as an adult. In counselling when I let her have it, I was appalled when her response to my beefs were 'I guess I'm just old fashioned, I just expected to be taken care of'. Again, I don't want to air dirty laundry; she has her side to tell.
A brief intro to a story I feel is becoming a broken record. Filled with sadness, guilt, fear, uncertainty and all the other negatives, I do realize there are positives in all this.
I cheated. Im to blame. I am and will be forever sorry. My ex didnt deserve this, my family and friends didnt deserve this. I was unhappy and in seeking happiness made things worse. But I'm reconstructing!
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