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  • Can i get costudy of my kids

    My name salser12. This is my situation. I separated from my wife in Feb 16, 2010, we went through mediation and got a separation agreemnet, which states that I have the kids on every other weekend, and access to them during the weekdays, plus holidays. I see my kids Tuesdays and Thurdays (4;30 pm to about 7pm) and Wednessdays (4:30pm to 6pm). I take them as well to dentist, drs appointment and anything they need. After separating, i moved to my moms. I pay child support in excess of $900/monthly for both my kids (Boy 3, girl 7). I live 80 min via public transportation from where my kids are living at the moment.We were granted a divorce in April of 2011, which was uncontested. Now, I asked the ex to go to mediation because I want to change the costudy access to my kids to a 50/50. I'm moving out to a 1 bedroom apartment and a solarium which will be converted into room for my daughter (temporarly for 1 year) in Sepember, after the year i will be applying to move to a 2 bedroom as per condo rules. I will be now 30min away from their house, school and daycare via public transportation. i'm asking that the kids spend overnight stays with me (suggested days Tues. and Monds.), and I forwarded her a calendar in which I suggest which days the kids are going to stay overnights, along with the percentage of time spendng with me per month.<O</O
    I cannot pay Child support, rent, and personal expenses. I asked for a reduction in CS and for 50/50 costudy. she told me and the mediatior that she does not want to do mediation, and don't want to here of the matter any more. I want to take the matter to court and get 50/50 access. What are the chances of me getting costudy?This is also affecting my personal and proffessional life

  • #2
    ZERO, ZILCH!!!
    Why did you agree with every other weekend a few months ago in mediation ?
    My intent is not be harsh or uncompassionate but at this point focus on getting financial and psychologically stabilized. Your life has been turned upside down and you need some time to recover.
    The mother is not supportive of your position. You will likely end in a trial with costs payable by you and your current regime upheld.

    Good luck

    Comment


    • #3
      In theory custody can always be reopened but in practice you need a material change.

      Your move sounds very positive and if your ex were agreeable I think it would work but I don't think it will sway a court.

      If you persue this you should avoid any financial considerations and focus solely on switching the mid week visits to overnights. Let your ex look like the ass and make the fight about money. After the new chdule has stablized then get CS adjusted. If you can't afford it then you can't afford it but you will los a battle that looks like it is just about the CS.

      Comment


      • #4
        Hi:

        Thanks for your advice. At the time of the separation I had other things in mind, and I wanted to speed up the divorced. Because I live far from the kids, it would been impossible for me to take them to school, and daycare from the beginning, specially during the winter months. As i said before, it takes me 80 min from my house to theirs.

        All I want is for me kids to spend more time with me, and If I have to work a second or third job in order to do this to pay a lawyer, then i will.

        Any advice in how to proceed with this so that it doesn't like I'm after the $$ will be greatly appriciated. The ex is a control freak, and I think she is using the kids as a way to control me. I forgot to mention that she is working fulltime and since I started giving her CS, her life has improved, buying a new Accura MDX, Albercrombie clothes for the kids, etc. I guess I know where my money is going.

        Also, how can I pick a good lawyer?

        You advice will be greatly appriciated and thanks for the prompt response

        salsero
        Last edited by salsero12; 07-08-2011, 02:01 PM. Reason: incomplete sentence

        Comment


        • #5
          How are you doing financially? To pay a lawyer an amount to see this to the end will be enormous. Can you move closer to the kids? When will you have a 2 bedroom condo?

          Comment


          • #6
            Hi:

            I'm barely surviving, living paycheck to paycheck. I was denied Legal Aide since I make $62K. There are a lot of expenses that i have to pay ($920 just in child support)

            Yes, i'm moving closer to the kids, as I said before, 30 min away in public transport ...I live in Toronto-Pickering border, and now I'm moving downtown on a co-op housing. Kids are only 10 min if I drive, which I can can do if I use the service such as Auto share, or Zipcar.

            Condo rules states that I have to be in the unit for 365 days, after which, if a 2 bed is available, and no one in the building wants the 2 deb then I can get.

            what are my options here?

            Very stressful now and I don't want to continue living with my mom, she is still treating like I'm 14 even though I'm 35

            Your advice will be greatly appriciated.

            Salsero

            Comment


            • #7
              I would be careful to take too much on at this time. Your current living situation is not supportive of a full 50/50 shared parenting arrangement. You will likely need to self rep. any legal issues you wish to pursue. Lots of people here can help you with that. Be patient, don't panic, and get stabilized. Make sure you see your children on all the agreed to times and slowly try and expand your time. Keep impeccable documents and records.

              Comment


              • #8
                Hi:

                I get the apartment in September 1st, and i want to self rep and want to start all the legal proceedings, so not to waste any time.

                Fortunately for me, all form of comminications with the ex has been via email, and I have all of them, well organized, unfortunately, i could not do the same for the text messages

                Can you help me in starting the paper work? Which documents I need to file? what kind of supporting information I need to provide.

                Once again, you help and guidance is appriciated.


                salsero12

                Comment


                • #9
                  Honestly if you start this now you will lose. You are also blowing your future chances because you can't just keep reopening it over and over.

                  How to "win" is with stategy. Drop ALL claims for 50/50 and reduced support. Gradually start adding overnight stays mid week, get the kids to suggest it themslves. Get your ex to accept change bit by bit.

                  Later when you have 2 bedrooms and the kids are happily living there is when you seek confirmation of status.

                  If you have 50/50 you are not spending less on support you are just spending it yourself. It should,t change your budget enough to "fix" it.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    OK, thak you for the advice. I have a budget that my financial advicer made for me. Maybe is time to revice it again. Will let you know of the outcome next week, I must go now...maybe I will start another thread on the weekend and/or follow this up.

                    Thank yo so much, and I will cool down and try not to rush things.

                    Have a great day!!

                    salsero12

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      One more thing, which I forgot to mention....the ex works, and in our separation agreement it states that she is to provide me with her Notice of Assessment. I make 62K, if for example, she makes around 35K, can I ask for reduction in CS? whe we separeted she was noly working part-time. Now she is fulltime.

                      How would CS will be determined? I have access to the kids (EOW, and see the kids on weeknights as per previous posts). Is it worth it to proceed this further?

                      Please advice.

                      PS Thank you Mess, staysingle, and everybody for their kind support.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        CS is determined by your income only and more specifically your gross income on your NOA. As long as she has the children 60+% of the time (primary residence) CS will always flow from you to her....no exceptions

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          She must provide you with her Notice of Assessment in order to calculate section 7 expenses (daycare, camp, medical and dental over $100, some sports). She must provide it within 30 days of your request as per Family Law Act.

                          You do not have a case to walk into court and get 50/50 custody. There is nothing factual to justify changing custody. If all it took was getting a 1 bedroom apartment then hundreds of thousands of non-custodial parents would having parties right now.

                          Stay on your ex's good side, don't challenge her. Don't let her expect you are going to challenge custody in the future or else she will shut you down immediately. Maintain a close relationship with the kids and introduce overnights gradually.

                          The courts will slam you hard if you come across like you are seeking custody for financial reasons. I will also tell you speaking as a 50/50 parent IT IS NOT CHEAPER (depending on the parents' incomes). You would see a reduction of a few hundred and increased expenses of a few hundred. This especially if you get a larger apartment just so they can live more comfortably.

                          With a one bedroom, given their ages, I would suggest that you have one bedroom "neutral"; sleep there when you are alone and give it to your daughter when they stay over. Have a fold out in the living room and stay there with your son.

                          In our house we have multiple bedrooms but half the time the kids want to crash on the fold out in the living room anyway.

                          Without seeing it, I would say that the solarium won't be suitable as a bedroom especially in winter. You will certainly have a hard time convicing the mother of that, or describing in court papers etc.

                          Comment

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