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  • #16
    For clarification - you have opted to spend 400.00/hr (or whatever his rate is) and go and meet a lawyer for an hour at a time without commitment/retainer. You do not intend to hire another lawyer correct?

    So now you have received your hour's worth of advice you plan to self-represent?

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    • #17
      Originally posted by rockscan View Post
      Your daughter is also old enough to make her own decisions about seeing you. Your ex cant deny access. In this case you should work with your daughter and try to encourage her to spend time with you.
      The ex can deny by simply not bringing her to the hand off point. At least she hasn't made me drive Ottawa to Kitchener to then deny. I do make it clear to the daughter that I'm making efforts to see her. I talk to her about what weekend is best with HER then pitch it to her mother.

      The only thing we really have in stone for access is the amount of time, and that the Week of Christmas for Even-Numbered years, and that I have first pick on two weeks in the summer.


      Originally posted by rockscan View Post
      Youre going to have to pay CS whether you have more kids or not. Its not impacted by your exs income, lifestyle, or your status. Yes it sucks, yes its unfair but it is what it is. The sooner you accept it the better off youll be at handling the whole situation.
      I'm starting to get there. The emotional challenge is the impact on the other three kids who live with my wife and I that I cannot accept. Guess what - they can't have birthday or christmas presents anymore. I cannot even afford to bring them out for ice cream any more either. I make too much to go to the food bank, but where are groceries going to come from? I don't know if I can afford driving to Montreal to visit my dad either. He's old my sister and I do all of the work around his house now. We might not even be able to help out D13 go to post-secondary, because I'll be paying D15s way.

      If the law had provisions to safeguard other children I wouldn't be so bugged by all of this. All I ask is all 4 children be treated equally. I actually think my other 3 kids would be better off if my wife left me and asked for the same kinds of things.

      The only thing I have to be pleased with through this whole process is how supportive my wife has been.

      Originally posted by rockscan View Post
      At this point you should just be negotiating table support and how the break down of school costs will happen. If the two of you had no other assets then theres no other fighting. Your daughter is old enough to make her own decisions about seeing you.
      Table can't really be negotiated unless you can agree that its being changed due to undue hardship, or person standing in place of a parent. The second opinion lawyers told me this. I'm about to have a blowout with my lawyer about this.

      For post-secondary, the lawyers both agree that my ex's proposal is out to lunch. I have a counter to throw out there.

      Originally posted by arabian View Post
      For clarification - you have opted to spend 400.00/hr (or whatever his rate is) and go and meet a lawyer for an hour at a time without commitment/retainer. You do not intend to hire another lawyer correct?

      So now you have received your hour's worth of advice you plan to self-represent?
      I actually solicited two paid opinions and got two free opinions. So $400 and $300 for the paid ones respectively.

      I want to try and negotiate to an end point, now that I know a lot more. I'd rather not go to trial, and if I did there'd be a lawyer in tow.

      Technically I still have my current lawyer. I'll be pulling a Donald Trump later today.

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      • #18
        Undue hardship is a long shot and having other children wont get you anywhere with a judge. Yes your ex withheld info from you and now the sticker shock of having to pay CS is a lot but unfortunately it is what it is. She cant demand more than three years back support is my understanding.

        Perhaps you could negotiate lower CS since you incur costs for access? Then you could have your daughter travel by bus or train to see you? Shes 15, shes able to travel alone.

        As for post secondary, dont get too crazy fighting over it. If she doesnt want to work with you on it you can always revisit when the time comes.

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        • #19
          Going to jump in here, I would fire your current lawyer. The fact that you mentioned your ex is volatile etc. I had my friend recommend me a collaborative lawyer here in Alberta (where they have actually certification) and I was dealing with the same type of ex as you are. In her initial consultation, she basically stopped me and said this would be a waste of your time and money and if other party is not reasonable. In my best interests, she said she would not represent me as it won't work, and would require litigation to get anything fair with ex.

          Here in Alberta, in order to go through the Collaborative process, BOTH parties have to be represented by registered Collaborative Lawyers. GEE...wonder why that is?

          If you don't, it's like Gandhi vs H*tler....somebody is going get CRUSHED and it ain't your ex. I mean the major benefit is that the process is to avoid lengthy court battles...but if one side doesn't negotiate, then court it is.

          Which at the end of the day is just what it has to be if you want fairness.
          Last edited by FirstTimer; 07-31-2015, 12:53 PM.

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          • #20
            700.00 for legal advice from 2 different lawyers. That buys a lot of ice cream.

            3 children with current spouse and 1 who is grown. Hate to say it but when you went and had children with your current spouse you knew you had another kid out there. I don't doubt you are stretched to the max financially. Intentionally having 3 children is no small feat, particularly if there is only one income.

            I would recommend that you get some financial counselling (free). To spend 700.00 on legal advice (not legal work) seems a bit lofty for someone who is having a difficult time making ends meet. You will most definitely be held responsible financially for your 1st child. Perhaps a financial adviser can offer some solutions. You might want to also check out some community resources such as courses on family law. Have you checked out if you qualify for some sort of legal aid? You can go online and see if you qualify. Any assistance (financially) in reducing legal advice would be a bonus for you at this point.

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            • #21
              Arabian - you are correct $700 is a lot. Thankfully I rarely touch ice cream. If I didn't thrown even more at the !@#$ lawyer, I wouldn't be here right now.

              The one lawyer had a few suggestions on getting ends to meet. I don't want to go into detail since I'm countering using the suggestions.

              Comment

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