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Extremely disturbing comments from D4 tonight!t

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  • #16
    Sorry to hear you have to go through this - how upsetting it must be for you. I agree with stripes in that hospitals can be upsetting, however, you can perhaps call ahead and hopefully can make the examination less stressful. They may even arrange to contact a specialist who is on call to assist. Don't take her in the evening or when drunks and undesirables are likely to be in Emerg.

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    • #17
      If possible, I'll update at some point.

      I followed advice of Sexual Assault line to ask their take on what was said,and they told me to have her checked out.

      Apparently, something was reported already about this, from school or counselor.

      I don't know too much, because I haven't asked her much. Other people trained for that.

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      • #18
        I'd be very, very cautious about this situation. Not to get you paranoid but you wouldn't be the first person to get set up on a phony sexual abuse charge. Just how many people have spoken to your daughter I wonder?

        Watch your back for sure. This is an uncertain, scary time for your daughter.
        Hope you are in contact with good people.

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        • #19
          How did you learn that "something was reported already"? If any official report has been made to social services, you as a parent/guardian should already have been informed about this incident, not hearing it from your daughter. This is weird.

          Who told you that "something was reported"?
          Who reported it and to whom?
          How do you get hold of a copy of the report?

          I think you need to move very quickly on this. Reports about possible sexual abuse of your daughter should not be made with you out of the loop. You could find yourself locked out of important decision-making.

          I'm really sorry to hear about this.

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          • #20
            Originally posted by stripes View Post
            ^^^ sorry for my wrong advice. I believe SadAndTired has more professional experience here from me, so listen to her, not me. (I've worked a bit with adults in these situations, not with kids).

            The one thing I would add though is that it is important that the aftermath of this incident not be as traumatic to her as the incident itself. Police, emergency rooms, social workers and an atmosphere of crisis can be distressing to a young child and can lead her to think she's done something wrong. I would use whatever means the helpline or Child Services suggest to find out more about what happened, but try to be calm and warm and not too different from your usual self around D5. She may be wondering if she did the right thing by telling you, and your behavior will reassure her that her relationship with you is still strong.

            I also think you do need to let your ex know what you heard from D8 and that you're concerned and intend to follow up.
            Hey Stripes

            Didn't mean to sound too strong in my earlier post. Just some parents take the questioning very seriously and it can end up leading very small children into other versions of the story. Also, it is hard for kids to explain and reexplain a painful experience.

            I agree that the hospital experience can be very scary but unfortunately it might be a necessary evil.....

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            • #21
              Absolutely no offense taken S&T - I was trying to imagine how a 5-year-old might respond, but I don't have the experience or knowledge to do so effectively.

              It does sound like D5 has already been talking to some adults already, for good or for bad - I hope the OP can update us on what's going on.

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              • #22
                Originally posted by stripes View Post
                How did you learn that "something was reported already"? If any official report has been made to social services, you as a parent/guardian should already have been informed about this incident, not hearing it from your daughter. This is weird.

                Who told you that "something was reported"?
                Who reported it and to whom?
                How do you get hold of a copy of the report?
                Weird is putting it mildly.
                It's complete, utter, f***ing incompetence, from an organization that I have no faith in, whatsoever. That is how I would phrase it. However, I hope to get some info and cooperation from them, so I won't tell them that, yet.

                I asked them the same thing. Why was I not notified as her father, and why did I find out, from the comments of a 4 year old. So far, I have only been able to speak to the after-hours person, since it's the weekend. Their explanation is that it was just reported this last week. (I have no idea what that means. Reported Friday, or are we talking Monday?) That is a wide window. And they explained that the next steps are notifying parties, I was just not notified yet - apparently. Apparently, I won't have more info from them, until Monday, but I'm supposed to talk to the "new" worker on this already open file, then. Because apparently, whoever was already on it, is off on vacation next week?

                I found it difficult to remain in-check, speaking to them, but I did.
                So far, they only told me it was reported by a "counselor" - was the term used. I don't know more than that...Monday I'm supposed to be able to get more details.

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                • #23
                  As for D4, I took her to emerg first thing today. Some questions were asked of her, by the proper folks at emerg, so I have to assume they handled it properly in regards to D4, since that is their job. So far, D4 seems fine and I'm going to try and keep it this way, by how I act. This is hard to do.
                  Last edited by dad2bandm; 09-07-2013, 11:27 PM. Reason: Clarified "correctly"

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                  • #24
                    I don't know if I'm handling it right, because I've never had to deal with this, but I think I am.

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                    • #25
                      Originally posted by dad2bandm View Post
                      As for D4, I took her to emerg first thing today. Some questions were asked of her, by the proper folks at emerg, so I have to assume they handled it since that is their job. So far, D4 seems fine and I'm going to try and keep it this way, by how I act. This is hard to do.

                      You're doing the best you can under the circumstances. You did the right thing in taking her to see a doctor. She seems fine, that's what's important for now. Your next step should be making certain that nothing like this happens again.

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                      • #26
                        Christ almighty. I hope you hold everything in check and are calm and straightforward with the relevant person on Monday, and then once you have the information you need, find that person's one-over-one and go up one side and down the other tearing them to shreds for the worker's failure to act responsibly. That is a terrible thing to do to a parent.


                        Originally posted by dad2bandm View Post
                        Weird is putting it mildly.
                        It's complete, utter, f***ing incompetence, from an organization that I have no faith in, whatsoever. That is how I would phrase it. However, I hope to get some info and cooperation from them, so I won't tell them that, yet.

                        I asked them the same thing. Why was I not notified as her father, and why did I find out, from the comments of a 4 year old. So far, I have only been able to speak to the after-hours person, since it's the weekend. Their explanation is that it was just reported this last week. (I have no idea what that means. Reported Friday, or are we talking Monday?) That is a wide window. And they explained that the next steps are notifying parties, I was just not notified yet - apparently. Apparently, I won't have more info from them, until Monday, but I'm supposed to talk to the "new" worker on this already open file, then. Because apparently, whoever was already on it, is off on vacation next week?

                        I found it difficult to remain in-check, speaking to them, but I did.
                        So far, they only told me it was reported by a "counselor" - was the term used. I don't know more than that...Monday I'm supposed to be able to get more details.

                        Comment


                        • #27
                          Originally posted by standing on the sidelines View Post

                          I would never use the term "half", to her he is her brother. If you had kids with some one else would you tell your daughter to go play with her half-brother or sister?? Probably you would use the term sister or brother.
                          I just wrote that here for context. Obviously we don't use that term in reference.

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                          • #28
                            Perhaps something to consider here, is if they were BOTH your kids, or yours was the older child rather than the victim, what would you want to see happen?

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                            • #29
                              Originally posted by oink View Post
                              Instead of "half", how about "step"...is that a better reference then? Everyone who is not biological to a parent / guardian / kid, are known to use the ubiquitous "step" word
                              Because "half-brother" means one thing, and "step-brother" means an entirely different thing.

                              Comment


                              • #30
                                Originally posted by oink View Post
                                If a child and a father / mother was talking about a non-biological child, the way in which they will describe the child would take on different terms
                                But if there is no biological link between the two children, there is only one (correct) way to describe the relationship. To wit: stepbrothers.

                                Comment

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