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What to do? Served papers change 2 years after signed agreement

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  • #16
    Originally posted by trinton View Post
    The courts could care less about your work schedule. Why should these young children be in daycare or with someone other than parents these days of the week until passed their bedtime when they could be with their father?

    What's the issue with allowing the father to look after the kids while you work late into the evenings, and paying the dad full child support ?
    I disagree. Courts care vastly on peoples work schedules. Courts create week on/off schedules for nurses or firefighters that work shifts so that the kids spend as much time as possible with both parents. Courts realize that people don't set their working hours and can't tell employers the can't work the required hours because a court order could care less.

    I agree, the kids shouldn't be in daycare when the other parent is available. But why change the schedule? We signed an agreement not even two years ago with a 1/1/1/3. There is no material change in circumstance to warrant changing to a 2/2/5/5.

    The issue is what's best for the kids. They have a set routine, they are happy and healthy and the schedule has been created by a mediator from the children's office who specializes in just that.

    Again, I would have no problem changing if I didn't have to work evenings. I do however disagree that decreasing time with one parent to increase time with the other parent is not in the best interest of the kids. This is why I agreed to an equal evening and weekend schedule when we signed the agreement. I agreed this was best for the kids to have two parents spending as much contact with the kids.

    What I don't agree with is decreasing or changing my time just because he wants more time for himself. If a court would really order this, tons of parents would take their cases to court just to change time with no reason to go from Wed+EOW to 50/50 to 60/40, to 100%.

    The issue with agreeing to his schedule change so he is 61/39% is that it is not in the best interest of the children that we change their schedule because there is no reason to do just that. Decreasing time with one parent would not benefit the children when we already share the evenings equally.

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    • #17
      Originally posted by Janus View Post
      Your schedule sounds perfect for a 5-5-2-2

      Is there a reason you don't want to go that route?
      I work a set schedule during the week in the evenings. I have asked my employer to change but it was denied/declined. Thus, I am stuck working every Mon and Wed evening. This is the reason I don't want to change the schedule.

      Comment


      • #18
        Originally posted by SuzieSunshine View Post
        I disagree. Courts care vastly on peoples work schedules. Courts create week on/off schedules for nurses or firefighters that work shifts so that the kids spend as much time as possible with both parents. Courts realize that people don't set their working hours and can't tell employers the can't work the required hours because a court order could care less.

        I agree, the kids shouldn't be in daycare when the other parent is available. But why change the schedule? We signed an agreement not even two years ago with a 1/1/1/3. There is no material change in circumstance to warrant changing to a 2/2/5/5.

        The issue is what's best for the kids. They have a set routine, they are happy and healthy and the schedule has been created by a mediator from the children's office who specializes in just that.

        Again, I would have no problem changing if I didn't have to work evenings. I do however disagree that decreasing time with one parent to increase time with the other parent is not in the best interest of the kids. This is why I agreed to an equal evening and weekend schedule when we signed the agreement. I agreed this was best for the kids to have two parents spending as much contact with the kids.

        What I don't agree with is decreasing or changing my time just because he wants more time for himself. If a court would really order this, tons of parents would take their cases to court just to change time with no reason to go from Wed+EOW to 50/50 to 60/40, to 100%.

        The issue with agreeing to his schedule change so he is 61/39% is that it is not in the best interest of the children that we change their schedule because there is no reason to do just that. Decreasing time with one parent would not benefit the children when we already share the evenings equally.
        So he was not even 50/50 before and now he is asking to go to 61/39 with you needing to forfeit some of your days to achieve this? And there has not been a change in anyone's life to warrant this? And the kids are happy, healthy, thriving?.....I would say he has a majorly uphill battle.

        Comment


        • #19
          Originally posted by SuzieSunshine View Post
          I disagree. Courts care vastly on peoples work schedules. Courts create week on/off schedules for nurses or firefighters that work shifts so that the kids spend as much time as possible with both parents. Courts realize that people don't set their working hours and can't tell employers the can't work the required hours because a court order could care less.

          I agree, the kids shouldn't be in daycare when the other parent is available. But why change the schedule? We signed an agreement not even two years ago with a 1/1/1/3. There is no material change in circumstance to warrant changing to a 2/2/5/5.

          The issue is what's best for the kids. They have a set routine, they are happy and healthy and the schedule has been created by a mediator from the children's office who specializes in just that.

          Again, I would have no problem changing if I didn't have to work evenings. I do however disagree that decreasing time with one parent to increase time with the other parent is not in the best interest of the kids. This is why I agreed to an equal evening and weekend schedule when we signed the agreement. I agreed this was best for the kids to have two parents spending as much contact with the kids.

          What I don't agree with is decreasing or changing my time just because he wants more time for himself. If a court would really order this, tons of parents would take their cases to court just to change time with no reason to go from Wed+EOW to 50/50 to 60/40, to 100%.

          The issue with agreeing to his schedule change so he is 61/39% is that it is not in the best interest of the children that we change their schedule because there is no reason to do just that. Decreasing time with one parent would not benefit the children when we already share the evenings equally.


          If you have a 1/1/1/1/3 schedule he already has shared parenting... I don't understand how going to 2/2/3 is now giving him 61% of the time? The only reason you seem to have is your work schedule which I can understand. If you have to put them in a sitter for work purposes he has to share in that cost. I think he would be hard pressed to get the change in schedule but I still think he would get PD Days. My husband has EOW and some PD Days fall on his weekend and some on hers. It's just how it goes. You want Fridays because you are off but he also wants Fridays because he has the option to be off or work from home.


          Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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          • #20
            Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
            If you have a 1/1/1/1/3 schedule he already has shared parenting... I don't understand how going to 2/2/3 is now giving him 61% of the time? The only reason you seem to have is your work schedule which I can understand. If you have to put them in a sitter for work purposes he has to share in that cost. I think he would be hard pressed to get the change in schedule but I still think he would get PD Days. My husband has EOW and some PD Days fall on his weekend and some on hers. It's just how it goes. You want Fridays because you are off but he also wants Fridays because he has the option to be off or work from home.

            Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
            Going to a 2/2/3 will give him 50% of the time, or the same amount of time he currently has with the 1/1/1/1/3. Changing to a 2/2/3 will give him 61% time when he calls the school and prevents the babysitter from pickup every Wed and does it himself and keeps the kids when I am at work thus giving him a 3/1/3 schedule every week, or 61%. Once that happens and a status quo is a achieved, he would file for support to change accordingly.

            I offered half the PD Days on his weekends and he declined, not compromising demanding all. I don't have the option to be off work Mon/Tue/Wed. He does. He works M-F 9-5 flexible hours and can come/go as he pleases and work from home if he desires. So if the kids are with me Friday, why not book a Mon, Tue or Wed off work while they are in daycare and spend those days with the kids?

            Comment


            • #21
              The kids are not pawns. Stop playing litigation chess. Nor do I think a judge will find the conduct of either of you amusing.

              Comment


              • #22
                Update: after filing my answer I received an email from my ex. He offered to drop off the kids at my house instead of daycare when I don't work if I meet his conditions. If I don't, he will not do drop offs.

                1. He has the right to keep the kids for himself if he wants to take day off work.

                2. I must interact and behave according to his standard by politely greeting him and say "hello, how are you" and respond to his pleasantries "I am great, thank-you for asking" and "have a nice day today, goodbye". Apparently he is unable to do this before he rings the door bell.

                3. Ensure the kids are not rushed into the house when dropped off so he can say goodbye to them at his own pace after ringing the door bell and me opening the door.

                4. Allow him to verbally communicate in the doorway any messages the kids want him to share with me (or messages that he wants to tell me for his own vested interests).

                If I agree in an email in writing he will try it and if he doesn't feel it meets his standards he will not do drop offs or allow me to do pickups at his house for that matter.

                Thoughts on what I should do?

                Comment


                • #23
                  A lot of silly control games going on...

                  Overall however that offer isn't horrible

                  1 - Seems potentially dicey, as it could lead to him taking your time.

                  2 - Should be happening anyways. Your kids are seeing you guys at these times and it affects them.

                  3 - Myself I would prefer if my ex did the goodbyes before coming to the door, but it's not horrible..

                  4. Messages should really be done over the phone or email. If you guys disagree on something the kids don't need to see that.

                  As for agreeing to it or not, if your able to live with it, it sure beats the expenses of court in my opinion.

                  Comment


                  • #24
                    A while back you stated that no judge would agree to a 2 week absence from a parent for a child under 7. I do not think that is necessarily true. The judge for my daughter suggested S5 have 3 weeks in summer and next year 4 weeks.

                    Rather than set the actual weeks he suggested that they take every other year to be their choice. So in odd years Mom has priority and in even years Dad has first choice.

                    It seems a little ridiculous to set the actual weeks in stone as no one can tell what the future might be. A child might want to go in a hockey camp or similar or get invited to a friends camp so both parents need to be flexible for the children's needs. No one is going to win any favours with a teenager ( and they are all going to be teenagers eventually) by saying " first 2 weeks in August are mine and I don't care if you have an invite to a friends camp you are coming with me". So you need to look at the future and make the wording flexible for the benefit of the children.

                    It's not unreasonable for Dad to want to secure at least 2 weeks in the summer when he will likely have vacation and might plan a trip.

                    Comment


                    • #25
                      Originally posted by Beachnana View Post
                      A while back you stated that no judge would agree to a 2 week absence from a parent for a child under 7. I do not think that is necessarily true. The judge for my daughter suggested S5 have 3 weeks in summer and next year 4 weeks.

                      Rather than set the actual weeks he suggested that they take every other year to be their choice. So in odd years Mom has priority and in even years Dad has first choice.

                      It seems a little ridiculous to set the actual weeks in stone as no one can tell what the future might be. A child might want to go in a hockey camp or similar or get invited to a friends camp so both parents need to be flexible for the children's needs. No one is going to win any favours with a teenager ( and they are all going to be teenagers eventually) by saying " first 2 weeks in August are mine and I don't care if you have an invite to a friends camp you are coming with me". So you need to look at the future and make the wording flexible for the benefit of the children.

                      It's not unreasonable for Dad to want to secure at least 2 weeks in the summer when he will likely have vacation and might plan a trip.
                      I agreed to having two set weeks any week in the year he wanted as long as it is not over a weekend the kids are normally scheduled with myself. That would allow a 14 days straight. 18 days (over my weekend) is too long and would cause swapping of weekends. He would not agree to selecting each year by rotating, demanding set weeks.

                      He declined this situation and demanded set weeks of his choosing. Difficult working with someone who can't agree on anything.

                      Comment


                      • #26
                        Originally posted by SuzieSunshine View Post
                        I agreed to having two set weeks any week in the year he wanted as long as it is not over a weekend the kids are normally scheduled with myself. That would allow a 14 days straight. 18 days (over my weekend) is too long and would cause swapping of weekends. He would not agree to selecting each year by rotating, demanding set weeks.

                        He declined this situation and demanded set weeks of his choosing. Difficult working with someone who can't agree on anything.


                        Just so you know in most cases summer holidays supersede the regular schedule. Just like Christmas time and such... if it's your year for Christmas but it falls on his weekend I don't suppose you give up your Christmas so he can have his weekend?

                        My husbands agreement states two weeks in July and two weeks in August but can't span longer than 14 days. I think you are both making this much more complicated than it needs to be because neither of you want to negotiate.


                        Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

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                        • #27
                          Where is the "kids best interest" reflected in there ?
                          Only no 1 can actually have an impact on kids .

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