Please help

[fireweb13]

I know some of you have a bit of the idea of my situation. So I moved close to my ex last september, I was an EOW dad before. I got my access increased from Friday until Sunday to Friday until Tuesday EOW. In February my ex told me she was moving May 1st. Since I rent an apartment with a lease I needed to give my landlord 60 days notice if I were to also move. So I brought an urgent motion as I only had about 10 days to get this notice into my landlord if they were allowed to move. My motion was considered not urgent and it was dismissed with costs of $500 and I was not allowed to bring anything forward until I paid this. We went to a case conference on the issue in March and resolved nothing. Then they brought their motion forward on April 20th but I could not bring a cross motion against them as I could not afford the costs order. So my ex got everything, was able to move (even though we have an OCL report saying that they will not let me see our daughter once they move). I was ordered to pay $2000 in costs within 30 days. The order states that either I do all the driving and pay no support(as she moved 2 hours away) or she does the driving and I pay support. I get our daughter 3 weekends 1 month and 2 the next, and the month where I get 2 weekends I get her for 3 hours on Wednesdays. So we agreed that I would do driving Wednesdays and Fridays and pick our daughter up from School as I work 45 minutes from where they live and my ex would give me $25 for each Wednesday and Friday which was reasonable. My ex would drive Sundays and pick our daughter up at 5:15 PM. This worked for 1 week and then my ex told me that she cannot drive sundays as she works. So I asked to have the child support that I just literally sent her 3 days ago given back to me and she refused. Now she owes me money for driving and I actually cannot afford to go and pick up our daughter anymore as I am completely broke and am being forced to pay a huge amount of costs. So I emailed my ex and told her that I cannot come to pick up our daughter Wednesday( emailed her last Friday) unless she can pay me to $75 she owes me for gas and told her that she has to pay me in advance or at least when I get there from now on. She was in town Saturday for a dance recital so we did see each other and she could have given me the money then. So no response from her at all. I email her again yesterday saying that she will have to meet me Wednesday as she is way behind on payments and I no longer have the money to go to where they live. She told me that I must or I do not see our daughter, she said she is now only paying me $15 to drive. She now says that she is driving Sundays and picking our daughter up at 3 PM (2 1/4 hour earlier than we agreed). What can I do, I cannot afford to drive and she is going outside the court order, not paying me what we agreed at the begining and changed the way things work for a 3rd time and she just moved May 1st. I am ready to break down with this. I am inquiring to see if her legal aid lawyer will still represent her as her and her live in boyfriends income are upwards of $70 000 a year (reason for the move was increased income).
Please help. I am going to schedule a case conference about this as soon as I talk to her lawyer. Our order does not state anything about times for pick up and drop off in case you were wondering.

[Mominneed]

I understand your frustration but focus on what's important - your child. Go pick-up your daughter for your access visits no matter what. It doesn't sound to me like $25 is that important or that much money on the grand scheme of things. Yes, you are struggling, and yes your ex is being difficult but getting stressed/upset about it isn't going to win you anything. You'll end up with more legal fees, seeing your daughter less and still broke and frustrated.

I'm sure you won't like that response because it seems you are allowing your x to walk all over you but she will continue to do that anyway regardless. Next time, it will be about something else. Cherish the time while your daughter is growing up.

[fireweb13]

If I had the $25 I would believe me. I want to more then anything but I simply do not have it. I work hard but have not had a raise in 3 years and am more then struggling to even feed myself with no luxuries at all. I mean that, no cell phone, no cable tv no treats on weekends like snacks or stuff like that, I am growing my own veggie garden so that I do not get mal nourished.

[WorkingDAD]

If I had the $25 I would believe me. I want to more then anything but I simply do not have it. I work hard but have not had a raise in 3 years and am more then struggling to even feed myself with no luxuries at all. I mean that, no cell phone, no cable tv no treats on weekends like snacks or stuff like that, I am growing my own veggie garden so that I do not get mal nourished.

I was pushed to the level too. To see my kid or to get into debt. I choose debt. I am no saying that was right or bad but that was only options I had (

I did not drink coffee for a week almost (try to switch to water) and decided to spent $5 for lottery ticket. If I will win I will create some fund to help change the system and help some struggling DADs. You, fireweb13 will be first on my list.

PS:
Probably sound stupid but common we need something to hope for ...

[winterwolf7]

Agreed, many times dads are forced to choose between time with their kids or poverty/debt due to Exes and how the system works. People don't like hearing it, but there's only 2 commodities, time with the kids and money, and people end up trading one away for the other.

[fireweb13]

Its true workingdad, we need something to hope for. When I left my ex almost 4 years ago she screwed my credit so bad I cannot get a credit card to go further into debt. Wish I could but they will not let me. I just took all the money I had saved a year and a half ago to pay for my dads funeral and went further into debt for that. I moved close to my ex to be able to be there more, I was involved with her school and did what I could but now they have moved away and are making it impossible to see my daughter. I understand that I should find a way but I know that she is trying to also make a status quo of me driving for free and her collecting money.

[Desperate_Dad]

Every time I see a post like this, it makes me angry how this system totally screws fathers. I still drive 2.5 hours there and back to see my kids eow. Don't even bother with motions - you will be ruled against and just owe costs. Judges have an intelligence level below mental retardation. The only justice for us will be when every family court lawyer and judge is put in prison where they belong. Sorry I couldn't offer something more constructive.

[wretchedotis]

This is exactly why I don't move to be near my son.
The ex will just up and move again.
Out of spite.

[fireweb13]

I did it for our daughter but also for a lifestyle change. We were in a big city and now we are in more of a rural small city which is good for us (my fiancee and I). I will not be moving again though to be close as that to me will make another move for our daughter and right now she needs to start to know that she has at least 1 stable house and 1 stable parent even if she does not get to see me much. I just hate how my ex feels she can dictate a court order and the courts allow her to. I am planning on bringing a case conference soon. Unfortunatly it always seems I get a sensible judge for the conference and then a crazy one for the motion.