The other Parent doesn’t visit the child when she is supposed to...

[slskz786]

I am father of a 10 year old girl, and has full custody of my daughter. My daughter is the only child from the marriage. My divorce is finalized and I have received my divorce order. The mother is suppose to see the daughter every other weekend and two weeks in July & two weeks in August, March Break & Christmas holidays are equally divided. But she has not exercised any of these since the final court order of Dec. 17, 2013 regarding child custody.

I need advice on what to do at this stage. I can't force my child to go and see her mother when her mother is making excuses every other weekend for not picking her up. The mother also hardly keeps any verbal communication with the daughter.

[Links17]

Get a new wife, collect child support, tell your daughter maybe her mom is having a tough time blah blah and provide all the love and support you can. Realize you can't force the mom to do anything and never tell your daughter the mom abandoned her.

Losing the same gender parent is probably harder than the other.

[Beachnana]

All you can do is keep an open door so that the Mother knows that she can set up the visits with no argument from you. If she sets them up and then does not turn up maybe have some alternate fun plans ready to go and maybe do not tell daughter of the impeding visits untill you know she is actually going to turn up. You cannot force someone to be an active parent.

My daughter has been pushing to set up visits and it did not happen until Dad was ready. What he needed to get ready was beyond our comprehension. knowledge and control, so in the end she just waited for him to make up his mind and visit.

It just happened and it was okay. Not earth shattering just okay.

So life goes on.

[HammerDad]

You need to understand that you can't fix stupid. Your best bet is to send an email on the Tuesday before her weekend to see if she intends on exercising her parenting time that weekend. Re-confirm the Friday morning. And, even if she confirms, you have a back-up plan if she reneges. Don't tell the kid that she with her mom that weekend until your ex shows up.

You have to keep your disappointment with your ex internal, maybe vent here. But you can't let your child see it. Yeah, it sucks. For you and especially your child. But your ex's priorities are screwed, and there isn't much you can do to fix that.

[MommyTime]

You need to understand that you can't fix stupid.

This made me laugh! Ha ha!

..tell your daughter maybe her mom is having a tough time blah blah..

I disagree here (sorry and no offence)..

Don't tell daughter (D) anything. A good parent will listen, apologize for D's hurt etc without making comment on her mother of any sort.. There would only be one exception, to comment in a good light about great memories but this would not be the situation for that!

Do not come up with excuses for your ex! You can't possibly know what's fully going on in your ex's life; and the excuses you make might hurt D long-term, even if unintended in the moment of her anguish.

At the same time, don't ignore that mom's absence may be bothering D (of course it will!). Invite one-on-one time with open arms to mostly listen to her about feelings of mom. More importantly, there's a difference between responding with, "I'm sorry, honey, I don't know why mommy isn't coming to see you," versus "I'm sorry, honey, I just don't know.." One puts blame on the mother, the other is more truthful and age-appropriate for D. The latter will be better respected by D as she grows older.

In due time, if ever, *mom* will have to face up to her actions with your child. If your daughter is strong because you listened instead of filled her head with excuses and subtle commentaries (which could be taken as brain-washing too, mind you), she will be better-equipped to hear her mother when / if she comes around.

By that time, D will have learned to appreciate good listening skills by dad's example.

My 2 cents.

[slskz786]

I 100% agree with you MommyTime. Thank you as this assures me to what I am doing is right & best for my child.

[slskz786]

What if I have to relocate to another city....

Will I loose custody of my daughter if I have to relocate to another city for a great job opportunity.

[FirstTimer]

If you have full custody of your daughter right now, you have to prove why it's in the child's best interest to move...e.g family, etc. a better job won't work as the judge would say can you get this same job in the same city.

Effectively what you are doing is taking away the joint legal custody and replacing with it legal custody on top of your primary physical custody since mom willl not be involved in child's life at all now.

If you can prove that mom has not been making an effort to see child on her days, logs, etc...then I would say you have a pretty good chance

if she has been exercising her visitation since last year, then your chance is slim.

Good luck.

[slskz786]

My daughter refuses to see her mother on her access weekend. The last conversation my daughter had with her mother was where the mother told my daughter that, "She never want to see her face again". My daughter to this day even after more than a month didn't get an explanation from her mother ass to why would she talk to her in this manner. Now the mother want to see her and my daughter does not want to see her. The mother is threatening me with calling the police to my home if I do not allow my daughter to see her mother. Please advise what are the extreme things she can do. I know she will see her this weekend and then will disappear for many weeks and may wake up around Christmas time to see her again. This is her routine now for last few years. I need advice as my daughter is 12 years old now. Can she voice her opinion and refuse to see her mother.

[Links17]

I would strongly encourage you to have your daughter just have dinner with her at least. Tell your daughter if she refuses the courts will get involve and may force her to do much more... If the mom is MIA most of the time anyways tell your daughter it is a necessary evil...

[slskz786]

Sorry for my ignorance but what is MIA

[slskz786]

Sorry for my ignorance but what is MIA....

[dad2bandm]

MIA = missing in action

[rockscan]

You need to continue to encourage the relationship and get her to spend time with her mother. For whatever reason her mother is behaving in a way that is confusing and upsetting. Its not your daughters fault but she is still too young to make that decision.