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  • #31
    Originally posted by Rioe View Post
    Kind of karmic that his method of saving for court fees has led to additional time in court. Next time, incentive should be a happy picture of the child with a slogan about "worth everything!" on it.
    The universe is a strange mistress indeed.

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    • #32
      Im here with you buddy. Except I didn't even do the picture thing. Sledding all day, hug, kiss (more) and went to work. Called to say g'night to D3. No answer. Rushed home scared something was wrong. Gone. Abducted into the night.

      Tried everything for access for 3 months. Nothing. Not even a phone call. Remained civil, cooperative and reasonable from day 1. Just gliding through the process, tears in my eyes. I've done zero. Minor arguments that we both were engaged in. After some 12 successful access visits its again being denied.

      Keep your head up.

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      • #33
        Originally posted by BessaGuy View Post
        Wow, didn't think I'd come back to this kind of response!

        Some clarification...

        Mother has been alienating me from my daughter for awhile now. Alienation and denial of access was in place before the picture. Ex did deny access last year and I had to pursue legal means to get it back. Access has been interfered with to some extent on and off for the last year. I obtained the picture on social media, printed it, wrote the slogan and hid it - I never posted it online or had it out in open, c'mon people! I have apologized to both daughter and mom since to no avail.
        Apologize again, grovel, and apologize some more. This stunt with the social media picture is one of the dumbest things I have ever heard on this forum. And I don't buy the "I needed an incentive" theory. Remember that your ex is your daughter's mother, so every insulting or belittling thing that you say or do about your ex will be felt by your daughter as an insult or belittlement of her. This is why the cardinal rule of divorced parenting is to never ever put down the other parent anywhere the child can overhear.

        It sounds like your daughter is old enough to make decisions about whether she wants to see you. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that she is probably feeling angry and hurt on behalf of her mother, as well as possibly a little scared - if this is how you think of her mother, and your daughter is half her mother, what might you think of your daughter? I doubt it's just your ex who is creating "stress and anxiety" for your daughter or being "hostile and vindictive". (Equally, I doubt that it's all your fault either).

        Yes, it's just one picture, and no, your ex should not be withholding access to your daughter. But I don't think this is all about your ex's behavior, and until you take better ownership of your own contributions to the hostility between your daughter's parents, your relationship with the kid will suffer, whether or not she's ordered to see you.

        Counselling sounds like the best thing for this kid - she needs some adult to talk to who isn't caught up in these head-games.

        Comment


        • #34
          Originally posted by stripes View Post
          It sounds like your daughter is old enough to make decisions about whether she wants to see you. I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that she is probably feeling angry and hurt on behalf of her mother
          She is late pre-teen so she is far from a 5 or 6 year old, so I respect that she has an opinion and her opinion does and should weigh in on this topic.

          Having said that, when the mother has been trying to turn our daughter against me for years, her mother is hostile, her mother is combative, and her mother doesn't miss a chance to involve our daughter in our grown up conversations and she constantly uses our daughter as a pawn in all this, as poor taste as the picture is/was, at the end of the day it's just something she's grasped onto as something to use against me. Totally blown out of proportion. If I was to include here what I wrote on it, the filters would NOT pick up on it. It was in poor taste yes, it was not profane.

          Originally posted by stripes View Post
          Counselling sounds like the best thing for this kid - she needs some adult to talk to who isn't caught up in these head-games.
          Agreed! One question I do have is can I get family councelling started at this point? My ex is now sending/going to send my daughter to counselling by herself, but I can guarantee you that my ex is going to greatly guide and steer these visits? Any advice on this?

          Thanks for the input Stripes!

          Comment


          • #35
            Originally posted by LovingFather32 View Post
            Im here with you buddy. Except I didn't even do the picture thing. Sledding all day, hug, kiss (more) and went to work. Called to say g'night to D3. No answer. Rushed home scared something was wrong. Gone. Abducted into the night.

            Tried everything for access for 3 months. Nothing. Not even a phone call. Remained civil, cooperative and reasonable from day 1. Just gliding through the process, tears in my eyes. I've done zero. Minor arguments that we both were engaged in. After some 12 successful access visits its again being denied.

            Keep your head up.
            It is absolutely heart wrenching isn't it LovingFather? Since the court appearance it's felt like I've been sucker-punched in the gut.

            It's frustrating to do everything by the book yet the ex is breaking every rule possible and they have complete control and access and we are the ones scrambling for something.

            Bottom line is both fathers and mothers made these children together, both parents NEED to be in their childrens lives.

            Comment


            • #36
              Originally posted by BessaGuy View Post
              It is absolutely heart wrenching isn't it LovingFather? Since the court appearance it's felt like I've been sucker-punched in the gut.

              It's frustrating to do everything by the book yet the ex is breaking every rule possible and they have complete control and access and we are the ones scrambling for something.

              Bottom line is both fathers and mothers made these children together, both parents NEED to be in their childrens lives.
              Every day I feel like Im sucker punched in the gut. My heart lives in my damn stomach now.

              One thing I know is she's trying to beat me down emotionally .. into submission .. using a 3 year old as her weapon of choice. Until I give up the fight. I guess she doesn't know me that well. Ill never give up. The key is to stay mentally strong.

              There's war in other countries. Some kids eat a piece of bread a day and have to walk miles for a glass of water.

              I can get through this. And so can you.

              Comment


              • #37
                I'm gonna give you my perspective on things so you can better manage your attitude.

                1. Judges care about support payments first.
                2. Judges prefer sole custody, they feel its simpler and they want the mother to get the custody.
                3. Judges look for EXCUSES and REASONS to give sole custody.

                You give them excuses and they will bury you.

                Comment


                • #38
                  Your poor daughter. What a sad situation.

                  I'd start with really understanding the above sentiment from your daughter's perspective.

                  Then, maybe then, consider how you might approach repairing the relationship with your daughter.

                  Then, maybe then, look at how you might approach repairing the relationship with the other parent.

                  Comment


                  • #39
                    Yes it wasn't bright to have the picture-slogan thing where your daughter could find it but what's done is done. Hopefully the daughter isn't taking photos of you and girlfriend and giving them to mom.

                    My 2 cents worth (which many won't like)is that a 12 - 14 yr old girl, who is like any other girl her age - engaged in social media, likely wasn't mentally damaged by the picture-slogan thing she found of her mother. Perhaps the daughter is getting lots of cudos from mother for turning over "the goods."

                    You've apologized, probably more than what it's worth, now I'd sit back and let the 12 yr old come to you. Many pre-teen girls have a stressful relationship with their mothers. Your daughter is going to have to listen to the never-ending divorce talk from her mother now. That can't be much fun. Living with your ex can't be much fun.

                    I agree you have to at some time work on developing a relationship with your daughter. I'd be more concerned about the daughter not coming to you, at first, when she found the picture-slogan and have a talk with you about it. I'm sure that a counsellor will pick up on this at some point in time through the counselling sessions.

                    Someday when you hopefully do have a stronger relationship with your daughter you can perhaps talk about your respective boundaries. I don't think you have to kiss any more ass. You erred in not keeping doors locked and the daughter erred in taking personal things from your home and showing them to her mother.

                    Comment


                    • #40
                      Originally posted by standing on the sidelines View Post
                      ... Maybe a picture of his daughter with a loving slogan may have been a better "incentive" then then picture of ex with a not so loving comment?...
                      Agreed.
                      Be the parent who takes the high road.

                      OP, Hope you get things remedied.

                      Comment


                      • #41
                        Originally posted by dad2bandm View Post
                        Agreed.
                        Be the parent who takes the high road.
                        Agree - but get a lock on your bedroom door and keep your private things private. Little girls are women-in-training and learn at a very young age how to play the game, particularly if they are being encouraged to alienate their father. This whole thing could very well back-fire on your ex when daughter is questioned as to why she felt she had to show the picture-slogan to her mother knowing it would upset the mother.

                        Comment


                        • #42
                          I'm of the thinking that even if the parents can't stand one another, the child shouldn't know it, much less read about it.

                          Sincere apologies are definitely in order here. She is a child. And it seems both adults add fuel to the fire. What nonsense. I really dislike it when children become privy to anything nasty between their adult parents.

                          Comment

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