Unaccompanied Minor for Access

[movingON1975]

MMmmmm some differing options regarding how access transportation should be handled for 9 year old son. There is a divorce order, so I'm not looking to change the terms, I'd like some advice on interpretation of a single term.



Quick background:

Divorce order states that " .....(I) shall be responsible for all travel for access to the "child".....

the "child" is 9 - tall and older looking, no medical issues, smart kid...

Mother and I share joint legal custody, but she (and son) lives 4 hours away, so I have EOW, 1/2 holidays etc.


My thoughts and question:

I take this clause to mean that I can drive, or pay a limo, or put him on a bus / plane/ spacecraft / hovercraft as along as he is registered as an unaccompanied minor. Or if she was feeling like a road trip, she could do the driving, but I'd have to give her some kind of monetary reimbursement.

She takes this as I have to do all the driving, and can't use unaccompanied minor programs, even though he is old enough.


Anyone else been in this situation and have some input?


Thanks

[dad2bandm]

Who is the one who moved away? You both would have been in the same locale at one point. Your order states that you will be responsible for the access travel, so does that mean you were the one who moved further away?

[rockscan]

For greyhound there are conditions that have to be met for under 14 (no travel after dark etc) via is a little more lax. My partners ex refuses to allow the 14 yo to travel alone period the end. But how she does it is bark at the kid so that they arent comfortable coming alone. I have a friend who sends her kids via porter from Ontario to Alberta three times a year as unaccompanied. She even agreed to christmas in Cuba this year (oldest is 16). You can use them but if the other parent is difficult, you're in a pickle.

Im wondering if a strongly worded "denial of access" letter would work? Especially if child has travelled alone before? Also, who moved? If she did, its a long shot denying you access.

[movingON1975]

Who is the one who moved away? You both would have been in the same locale at one point. Your order states that you will be responsible for the access travel, so does that mean you were the one who moved further away?

She moved away, BUT:

1. I didn't take her to court right away (my bad),

2. She cried poor about access costs, I make 6 times more than her pre-support, so there wasn't too much sympathy.

3. I elected to eat the travel costs, to just get it over with.

[Beachnana]

In our situation, Dad takes $ from CS to cover extra transportation costs but also then has the burden to provide transportation. In this case airfare for both the child and the adult who travels with the child. its not stated, but I think totally reasonable that when the child is old enough to travel as an unaccompanied minor then they shall do so. Most airlines and bus lines offer this service. I believe 9 is the age for flights in Canada and the cost is around $100.

Good luck

[stripes]

I think a strict interpretation of your order would be that you pay the cost and arrange how the travel will be done - whether you come to the child or arrange for the child to be sent to you. So unaccompanied minor would be technically okay.

However, 9 is pretty young, especially if he's doing it frequently (EOW plus holidays). Could you arrange a compromise that you'll come to pick up the kid until he turns 10 or 11, after which age you'll arrange for him to fly as a minor, with you picking up all the costs? Or arrange to fly him out for some visits and drive for others?

(Also, if you're earning 6x what your ex makes, even if she gets full CS, she isn't just "crying poor" - she IS poor, relative to you).

[movingON1975]

I think a strict interpretation of your order would be that you pay the cost and arrange how the travel will be done - whether you come to the child or arrange for the child to be sent to you. So unaccompanied minor would be technically okay.

That is what I was thinking, that I have to pay, and arrange, but I don't have to be there physically to monitor.

She thinks I personally have to drive. Objected to my father picking him up once on the way by to see me last summer. (Father has clean record, new car, son and him are VERY close)

His mother is freaking out about me using unaccompanied minor program on the bus, BUT son wants to go on the bus. He likes the open wi-fi on the bus... my car doesn't have wifi.


I like the independence and confidence that it will breed in him.

However, 9 is pretty young, especially if he's doing it frequently (EOW plus holidays). Could you arrange a compromise that you'll come to pick up the kid until he turns 10 or 11, after which age you'll arrange for him to fly as a minor, with you picking up all the costs? Or arrange to fly him out for some visits and drive for others?

I wouldn't give up my parenting time for anything.. Sometimes (20% to 25% of the weekends, but not on holidays) I go see him just for the day, if the roads are crappy, or if he is sick, but otherwise he has his own room, a dog, and a loving family here to spend time with. Having a weekend hotel visit, while fun, feels like a manufactured experience - usually I'll take him to a sporting event on hotel weekends.

A one way flight is $400, booked in advance... kinda pricey. No Air Canada, WJ, or Porter on this direct route. Air Creebec (!) only.

(Also, if you're earning 6x what your ex makes, even if she gets full CS, she isn't just "crying poor" - she IS poor, relative to you).

I say "crying" as opposed to crying (no quotes), because she ended up with imputed income to more than twice that she grosses on her own. If she was working full time, I'd have a lot more sympathy for her. Once time limited spousal support, and child support is worked in, its very close to 50/50.


Thanks for your interpretation of the paragraph Stripes, much appreciated!

ps - I don't know why there is a angry red face at the top of the post..? Not intentional.

[rockscan]

My partners ex likes to pull the "we have to breed confidence in our kids" bs when it comes to him agreeing to a multitude of s7 activities that do nothing more than fill up schedules so he cant see/communicate with his kids. But when it comes to empowering them in a situation like traveling, its a no go. This is totally a control/gatekeeper situation and I wish you luck.

[stripes]

You probably know this already, but bus travel is pretty variable. It can be dicey. I wouldn't put a young kid on the Greyhound on his own for four hours, even if the company has an unaccompanied-minors programme. You get some very odd characters and unpleasant scenes on those buses (and I'm not a delicate flower who's easily offended, but I wouldn't put my very independent D9 on the Greyhound for four hours).

However, there are premium bus services between major cities that are much better - newer, cleaner, better staff, less crowded, and yes, free wi-fi (in my area, the premium bus line is Red Arrow). And the premium buses usually pick up/drop off at hotels, not the dodgy Greyhound terminals. Maybe if you told your ex you wanted to send your kid on a premium bus, she'd be more positive about it. I would use those for my own daughter.

A third option would be to pay someone to take the bus with your kid - like a babysitter.

[movingON1975]

Yup, you're correct its 100% gate keeping. The first year of separation I couldn't take him out of her new city without her calling the cops on me. I can always send him to her, but if my work situation changes, and I'm working on Fridays, I'm not going to be able to pick him up on weekends.


Lucky, we don't have greyhound service in this at all in this area, rather it is a government subsidized, local, and under used northern intercity bus service. I've taken it a few times - most of the passengers were elderly types going to/ returning from medical appointments.

I wouldn't want to put him on greyhound, too sketchy..

During the 4 hour trip, there are 3 flag stops, at communities with a total combined population of less than 2,000.

I would LOVE to put him on a premium service if there was one available. I see Red Arrow has free pop!


Thanks