Special Expenses - I need advice - HELP

[Stepmom2-:)]

Can someone please tell me if this sounds right.

My husband has 2 kids....he and his ex do not speak (everytime we try, there are usually yelling and swearing involved from her side). Anyways, there is no communication, which makes it really hard. At the end of the year and due to the company my husband worked for, closed its doors - laid of 3000 people (automotive, off course) he is now in school to better himself and get a new career, he applied for a motion to change (not stop) support - she off course delayed it and now the time has come that no income is coming in (was getting severance) and so we don't know what to do with that since the Courts take forever, especially when you have an ex working against us. When we got a response to motion from the ex stating all these extraordinary expenses, they totalled $3000 for the year. Not one of these expenses was ever discussed, we just found out most of them now. Braces were given to a child that is 16 and I know it was for cosmetic purposes, 1 school trip that was $700 and since at the time he was making more compared to her (she worked part-time in an office - but is also out of work now and in school too) he is suppose to pay 70% and she is to pay 30%. If they were still married, this trip would not take place because of the financial situation - but she went ahead and sent the child, taking the credit and bad-mouthing the father for not paying. What are our legal rights here? Can she spend money and then throw us the bill at the end of year, every year. What kind of presidence is this setting? Does a father have any rights? I am a divorcee and my ex and I agree on ALL expenses that are to be shared...to me this is normal. My husband wants his kids, as do I, to have all that they would normally have, BUT when financial circumstances changes, then what - are we at the mercy of the courts and the Ex-wife???? HELP...I need some good advice.

[#1StepMom]

Hi Stepmom2.

I can very well empathize with your situation, and that of your husband. My husband has had very bad luck with work this past year, and he too has been going to court for a motion to change support. It is a tough process, and from our personal experience, one that is extremely difficult to win. Even though the judge he's seen during his last 3 court appearance (yes, just his luck, it has been the same judge each time) kept increasing his support based on jobs he only obtained a few days before the court date, without regard to the months he spent unemployed, he is still fighting for a fair support ruling that will take into account his fluctuating income this past year. We keep our fingers crossed and pray for the best... and prepare for the worst.

With regards to extraordinary expenses, these costs should be -as you said - agreed upon in advance. Especially expenses that are not considered part of Section 7.

Expenses that he must contribute to - legally - are things like daycare, necessary health/dental expenses not covered by health/dental plans, etc.

Anything else (extra-curricular activities, trips) is covered by child support.

He can definitely fight her on this, and should. Special and extraordinary expenses should be discussed and agreed-upon. At least that is what is written in my husband's court order.

My husband wants his kids, as do I, to have all that they would normally have, BUT when financial circumstances changes, then what - are we at the mercy of the courts and the Ex-wife????

Sadly, the answer to this question is "yes." For months, my husband has been fighting a child support order based on an income he does not have. As they say, you cannot draw blood from a stone. But it seems you can... and all it takes is FRO sending a garnishee summons to the Government, and the government sending your EI benefits and tax returns to the support recipient. That's what is currently happening to my husband. All because he has been trying to vary his child support due to job loss, and has been in and out of court in this regard for the past year.

I wish you all the best in your battle. And I hope it goes better for you and your husband than it has been going for us.

[dadtotheend]

If he is successful getting the CS reduced then it should be effective from the date he brought forth his claim. So you do have a (presumably large) burden while the judicial wheels slowly turn, but you will hopefully get retroactive relief if you persevere.

[#1StepMom]

If he is successful getting the CS reduced then it should be effective from the date he brought forth his claim. So you do have a (presumably large) burden while the judicial wheels slowly turn, but you will hopefully get retroactive relief if you persevere.

In theory... yes. And I do hope with every fibre in my body that this is what happens to you. Sadly, this is not what has been happening to my husband, who has been ordered to pay monthly child support based on income amounts greater than $37,000 since last October, despite having been unemployed (and at times collecting EI) for 6 of the last 12 months.

[Stepmom2-:)]

#1stepmom,

It is no wonder that so many fathers give up.....being beat down consistantly by their ex's, and then having the children disrespect him in such a way that blows my mind (I know that my kids would never get away with that kind of behaviour) And then to have to deal with the courts and their endless requirements/papertrails.....its crazy. We are discouraged at the moment, but try to keep looking at the positive side of things - like another one of her tactics was to prolong a decision with the courts re Motion to Change child support - all because he filed in a jurisdiction that was out of ours, (use to live in Mississauga and moved a few months ago) we filed in Mississauga, instead of Milton (Halton) - due to the Mississauga court being so much closer - but she went ahead to try and change jurisdiction and at one point the judge looked like she was swaying towards appeasing her...until my man got up and apologized for not realizing that Milton was our jurisdiction and so since this motion does not pertain to child access or custody, but support - that since he filed he would like to be allowed to refile in the Milton courts.....she read over her rule book and ruled on what he had just offered. Milton it is.....but now we find we are back to square one as we are no further ahead then we were back in August when all this started. She lives in another jurisdiction, 2 hours away, so lets say she was not happy. And to top it all off, she came to court dressed in clothes that made her look like she was suffering financially - while we came dressed up, due to the fact that we were going to meet with a judge - sometimes (we are hoping) showing a little respect goes a long way....regardless, we are at a standstill right now and are waiting again.

Will this nightmare ever end.....I guess it's true what they say, when you remarry - you also marry their ex-spouse (in some cases).

But one of our biggest concerns is still the Special expenses.....can she go ahead and get these (school trips, etc.) and provide no receipts/copy of cashed cheques - can she really get away with spending his money and us getting hit at the end of the year - just before Christmas? The lengths this woman goes to is unbelievable.