Well after much anxiety and stress we have finally found out what the other side wants.
A quick review - we served my common law husbands exwife with papers asking for divorce, primary residence of the child with her, reasonable visitation and access for child and father, set out the amount of child support and that spousal support not be granted. As well, father would pay all section 7 expenses so long as its discussed with him beforehand. And the usual array of stipulations regarding access to childs records etc. They have been seperated over 8 years now. Basically the idea was to just formalize what they have been doing all along on paper work and finally get the divorce over with.
She initially said she didn't care about any of it but it would seem she has had a change of heart. She now wants sole custody, spousal support, and has big time issues with visitation. She seems to be on a rampage of sorts with threats and accusations..going on and on about what a lousy father he is and how the son was traumatized for the year he spent with us ( the only time he had structure and support and discipline when required - he never had any problems here at all, he was just a wonderful sweet funny kid) and is now in counselling, 3 years after living with us.
In regards to the visitation it would seem she wants to be able to dictate when father can see son. She is also under the impression she is entitled to half his pension credits for the entire time he has worked ( from the age of 18 to when he retires in the distant future).
We have had some concerns about the child living there, but as his mother was ill for most of his first 9 years of life and he expressed a desire to live with her and get to know her ( he basically just visited her on a somewhat regular basis) father decided to let child live there so long as he was being taken care of properly. There have been some issues of late that have surfaced that concerns us greatly and wonder if we shouldn't try for joint custody primary residence with us. Here is a list of a few things..
- CAS was called in by paramedics when she was transported to hospital due to the condition of the home ( she has diabetes but often does not manage it very well and has a history of ending up in hospital, though she made great improvements once the son came to live with us and not her parents) CAS did a home visit and by that time the place was tidy so it wnet no further
- when she was transported to hospital we were not made aware, and after repeated attempts to reach child at his home we found out that he was staying with a friend of the mothers
- after getting copies of his school records he has missed a ridiculous amount of school..averaging around 30 days absent each year he has resided with the mother..although we asked each term for report cards she kept 'forgetting' and would just tell us his marks over the phone
- he has gotten in a lot of trouble at school for fighting, swearing, and even vandalizing the boys bathroom on one occasion
- she has a lot of trouble discipling the son, often calling us and asking advice, which she won't follow or won't follow through with
- when she gets on the phone with father she starts screaming and yelling accusing him of just about everything, in the presence of the child and has also done this in public on a couple of occasions
- when she does get angry and a visitation weekend is upcoming she tries to cancel it and then flips back and forth whether she'll 'let' it happen or not, which is a real pain because we live 400kms away. A long way to go to leave empty handed.
I could go on and on but I think that gives an idea of what I'm talking about. Now I know because she wasn't involved much in raising the son the first many years of her life it takes time to get the hang of it. And I know being ill at times housework can slide to the background..but still these aren't exactly anomolies. And due to her change of heart I have to wonder if she will comply and encourge with any visitation orders. She has clearly stated that it 'will never be over' and 'she will get everything she wants'.
There is no current order of any kind in place.
Even her own lawyer advised her the chances of getting sole custody and spousal support were highly unlikely but she wants to do this anyways. How any of this is in the best interests of the son..I just don't know...
Any advice on how we may want to proceed from this point on? Also we are pretty much unwilling to negotiate on most everything, we might be willing to tweak the visitation but its your standard splitting of major holidays and the rest to be determined by both parents at the beginning of each year. Father is completley unwilling to give on the spousal support..anything she gets will just be taken off her disability payments anyways so she won't be any further ahead financially.
Are we able to 'fast track' this trial or are we going to have to go through some period of negotiations??
Thanks for the help....
Jlalex
A quick review - we served my common law husbands exwife with papers asking for divorce, primary residence of the child with her, reasonable visitation and access for child and father, set out the amount of child support and that spousal support not be granted. As well, father would pay all section 7 expenses so long as its discussed with him beforehand. And the usual array of stipulations regarding access to childs records etc. They have been seperated over 8 years now. Basically the idea was to just formalize what they have been doing all along on paper work and finally get the divorce over with.
She initially said she didn't care about any of it but it would seem she has had a change of heart. She now wants sole custody, spousal support, and has big time issues with visitation. She seems to be on a rampage of sorts with threats and accusations..going on and on about what a lousy father he is and how the son was traumatized for the year he spent with us ( the only time he had structure and support and discipline when required - he never had any problems here at all, he was just a wonderful sweet funny kid) and is now in counselling, 3 years after living with us.
In regards to the visitation it would seem she wants to be able to dictate when father can see son. She is also under the impression she is entitled to half his pension credits for the entire time he has worked ( from the age of 18 to when he retires in the distant future).
We have had some concerns about the child living there, but as his mother was ill for most of his first 9 years of life and he expressed a desire to live with her and get to know her ( he basically just visited her on a somewhat regular basis) father decided to let child live there so long as he was being taken care of properly. There have been some issues of late that have surfaced that concerns us greatly and wonder if we shouldn't try for joint custody primary residence with us. Here is a list of a few things..
- CAS was called in by paramedics when she was transported to hospital due to the condition of the home ( she has diabetes but often does not manage it very well and has a history of ending up in hospital, though she made great improvements once the son came to live with us and not her parents) CAS did a home visit and by that time the place was tidy so it wnet no further
- when she was transported to hospital we were not made aware, and after repeated attempts to reach child at his home we found out that he was staying with a friend of the mothers
- after getting copies of his school records he has missed a ridiculous amount of school..averaging around 30 days absent each year he has resided with the mother..although we asked each term for report cards she kept 'forgetting' and would just tell us his marks over the phone
- he has gotten in a lot of trouble at school for fighting, swearing, and even vandalizing the boys bathroom on one occasion
- she has a lot of trouble discipling the son, often calling us and asking advice, which she won't follow or won't follow through with
- when she gets on the phone with father she starts screaming and yelling accusing him of just about everything, in the presence of the child and has also done this in public on a couple of occasions
- when she does get angry and a visitation weekend is upcoming she tries to cancel it and then flips back and forth whether she'll 'let' it happen or not, which is a real pain because we live 400kms away. A long way to go to leave empty handed.
I could go on and on but I think that gives an idea of what I'm talking about. Now I know because she wasn't involved much in raising the son the first many years of her life it takes time to get the hang of it. And I know being ill at times housework can slide to the background..but still these aren't exactly anomolies. And due to her change of heart I have to wonder if she will comply and encourge with any visitation orders. She has clearly stated that it 'will never be over' and 'she will get everything she wants'.
There is no current order of any kind in place.
Even her own lawyer advised her the chances of getting sole custody and spousal support were highly unlikely but she wants to do this anyways. How any of this is in the best interests of the son..I just don't know...
Any advice on how we may want to proceed from this point on? Also we are pretty much unwilling to negotiate on most everything, we might be willing to tweak the visitation but its your standard splitting of major holidays and the rest to be determined by both parents at the beginning of each year. Father is completley unwilling to give on the spousal support..anything she gets will just be taken off her disability payments anyways so she won't be any further ahead financially.
Are we able to 'fast track' this trial or are we going to have to go through some period of negotiations??
Thanks for the help....
Jlalex
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