To save myself from beating a dead horse, I will only say this:
There is a light at the end of the tunnel. Some things may not turn out the way you want them to, but when it comes to fighting for custody, access, or the financial support that you and/or your children are entitled to, giving up before even trying will get you no where. You have to be positive not just for you, but for your children as well. Please do not feed into the idea that you should not even try because you'll just get screwed. I do not call that support, I call it negatively that brings already damaged spirits to an even lower level.
You owe it to yourself to try. Or, at the very least, you owe it to yourself to find the healing you deserve by turning to our members for support. I am so proud to say that I am part of a forum full of people who are on here day in and day out lending their ears and providing their imput out of the kindness of their hearts. Thank you to the members who have been so wonderful.. you know who you are.
Also, thank you to God knows, Grace and hubby for their kinds words.
Ok, I'm only adding my two cents to something but there seems to be an idea out there by some dads (or moms) paying child support that the amount is purely for the kids stuff - food, clothes,ect...But, correct me if I'm wrong, isn't child support about making sure they can live by the same standards that they have been used to/or that the other parent can give them? For example, a similar size home? Therefore, child support would go to a portion of the rent/mortgage/heating/utilities, ect?? You are not supporting your wife/husband's "standard of living" but the KIDS standard of living. If Dad lives in a 200,000$ home while Mom has to live in an apartment, even if she is getting 1000$ a month but doesn't have a great job and can't afford anymore, there is a great discrepancy in the children's lifestyles while they are with each parent. When you get married and have children, you have a responsibility to maintain what they have become accustomed to, don't you?.
Thanks for your kind words and encouragement. Ottawa Divorce Forum has been a god send for me personally, having a support group available 24 hours a day on the Internet, offering a personal and accessible support format. Not to mention not needing to have to search case law, thanks to LV. One caveat with regard to online support forums is that they can be plagued by 'trolls' - people who are there to insult and ridicule legitimate members.
It doesnt work that way, as now the family assets are split in half including the matrimonial home, and two households need to be maintained. In most cases I would think that it would be impossible for both ex's to maintain the lifestyle they had while married.
Then I suggest you practice what you preach and be more respectful to all of the members in this group.
Grace,
What are you suggesting. That I should not be hard on people who paint a false picture and want sympathy, when they present lies or half-truths. Should I sit idle while people are looking for ways to take kids from one parent? Are you saying I am screwing over people in this forum? I am telling it like it is and I call it like I see it. Look at Sasha's post above you. She claims her ex is making $7000 in take home (after tax). Yet only (only!) receives $1000. That doesn't add up? So what's the real story here. Its like peeling away layers of an onion to get to the core of the problem or issue. And I think if people were to do that themselves, they would stop all the vindictiveness.
I'm simply asking that you be respectful to all member of the forum. Your coming across as the bitter ex, which will not earn you any respect from the members. I'm going to practice what I preach and take the high road on this one, enough said.
"A fool and his money are soon parted" - Thomas Tusser
"A fool and his children are soon parted" - DD
Nice poem Bearall. Kipling sure had his share of issues. Beaten by his foster mother, losing his children. Going through war and colionalism in India.
An ironic folly of being a man, is to take it on the chin and be better for it. And becuase of that, you'll be forever on this list wondering "What the h*ll happened"
What I love about these forums is the 'diversity' and 'intensity' on how information is shared.
Just as there are some lawyers who are relaxed and others that are bulldogs ... so too it is with how information is presented. Some people come across as being soft and others strong.
We should be appreciative of the variety of communication styles exhibited by board members ... sometimes, softness is needed and sometimes stongness or to the point is needed.
The fact that someone has taken time out of their day to post or reply to board members speaks volumes ... and yes, sometimes the delivery of the message can be taken many ways and lets just remember that its the message that we are after and not necessarily the emotions which it may elicit.
Decent DaD
YOu remind me so much of a certain friend I know. He tells it like it is, no holds barred, but he's not abusive in his speech. By the way, despite his thick exterior he's alot of fun and very kind-hearted.
Sometimes it takes a wise person to play the fool !! Aesops Fables)
Here's another to think about in regard to family law and it is applied whether you notice it or not. Believe me both genders are fair game for different purposes and agendas
"A man's weakness is in his facade of strength""A woman's strength is in her facade of weakness"
Originally posted by Decent Dad
"A fool and his money are soon parted" - Thomas Tusser
"A fool and his children are soon parted" - DD
Nice poem Bearall. Kipling sure had his share of issues. Beaten by his foster mother, losing his children. Going through war and colionalism in India.
An ironic folly of being a man, is to take it on the chin and be better for it. And becuase of that, you'll be forever on this list wondering "What the h*ll happened"
Why would you not want your child to have everything you have to offer?
Could I support them on my own? YES. But with their father's contribution they get to have some niceties - like their own rooms; and new clothing and sporting activites and the occasional vacation.
I would (and do) spend every last penny I earn on my children - even if they were not in my primary care.
It seems to me that those who complain about CS, complain because they don't like to see their EX getting the money and having control over how it is spent.
DecentDad, if you think my story "doesn't add up", ask me questions. What do you want to know? Where's the confusion? And yes, I think if he's bringing home $7000 on average, his $1010 warrants an "only" in front of it. Again, if that doesn't make sense to you, ask me why I feel that way; don't just assume there's a 'back story' that I'm not disclosing. IMO, support and advice is meaningless if it's given to someone who is not upfront about detailing their situation.
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