Hello again. I joined this site primarily to get help with my fiancées ongoing battle but unfortunately we both have very high conflict exes. If this doesn't belong in this forum I apologize. A brief run down of my situation.
Split up in 2011, ex is bipolar and lazy and hadn't worked since our son was 2 weeks old. We have two kids of our own S12 and D11 and we also have his sister's son who was orphaned after his mother was murdered. He is 18 and I kept him after the split. I couldn't take the way my ex treated me anymore and kicked his lazy ass out. He went on welfare who immediately came after me for spousal support. They made me sign an agreement waiving child support if he waived spousal support. The reality is I was going to get a whopping $90 a month for CS if I pushed but he was going to get about $800 in SS. I added a clause that this was revisitable if he ever got a job but to date hell hasn't frozen over.
He had very regular contact with my kids since the separation and its only because of me. I have driven them to every single visit, given him money for food or money to do stuff with them, basically bent over backwards to make sure he could maintain a relationship for the kids sake. I really thought I was doing the right thing but now I realize I screwed up massively.
In February he met a 26 year old woman (he's 40) who had her children removed by CAS. He packed up and moved an hour away and the two of them moved in with his mother who herself has an EXTENSIVE CAS record and she is not permitted contact with my children or her other grandchildren. Ex has not seen the kids since February and my daughter is completely crushed. She cries every single night and it breaks my heart to see what he's doing to her.
Ex contacted me and said that him and the new girlfriend were getting their own place and he would like access to begin again at the new house. Now I was a "foster parent" to the exes orphaned nephew who I still have, for 10 years so I have contacts at CAS and although they did not tell me specifics, they did tell me that I should not allow my kids around this new woman. I told ex that if he could provide proof that the new gf did not abuse her children, I would consider slowly allowing access at the new place. He is refusing to provide the proof and says it is none of my business why her kids were removed.
On a practical level I get that its none of my business, but if I'm supposed to allow the most important people in my life around her, I kind of need to know if she's a danger to them. My ex is not a reliable "supervisor" as he often forgets to take his lithium or accidentally takes too much and sleeps all day. I need to know that the other person there can be trusted to take care of the kids if something happens. I have sole legal custody and because he didn't even file a reply he wasn't even awarded access.
I WANT him to have a relationship with the kids and I want to stop the hurt that I see in my daughter's eyes when she checks Skype hourly to see if he's on and realizes he's stood her up again. But am I being unreasonable in wanting to know what the hell she did to cause her to loose her own kids? I don't even need specifics, I just want something to vouch that she's safe. Ugh I just don't know anymore. Too many things going on at once.
Split up in 2011, ex is bipolar and lazy and hadn't worked since our son was 2 weeks old. We have two kids of our own S12 and D11 and we also have his sister's son who was orphaned after his mother was murdered. He is 18 and I kept him after the split. I couldn't take the way my ex treated me anymore and kicked his lazy ass out. He went on welfare who immediately came after me for spousal support. They made me sign an agreement waiving child support if he waived spousal support. The reality is I was going to get a whopping $90 a month for CS if I pushed but he was going to get about $800 in SS. I added a clause that this was revisitable if he ever got a job but to date hell hasn't frozen over.
He had very regular contact with my kids since the separation and its only because of me. I have driven them to every single visit, given him money for food or money to do stuff with them, basically bent over backwards to make sure he could maintain a relationship for the kids sake. I really thought I was doing the right thing but now I realize I screwed up massively.
In February he met a 26 year old woman (he's 40) who had her children removed by CAS. He packed up and moved an hour away and the two of them moved in with his mother who herself has an EXTENSIVE CAS record and she is not permitted contact with my children or her other grandchildren. Ex has not seen the kids since February and my daughter is completely crushed. She cries every single night and it breaks my heart to see what he's doing to her.
Ex contacted me and said that him and the new girlfriend were getting their own place and he would like access to begin again at the new house. Now I was a "foster parent" to the exes orphaned nephew who I still have, for 10 years so I have contacts at CAS and although they did not tell me specifics, they did tell me that I should not allow my kids around this new woman. I told ex that if he could provide proof that the new gf did not abuse her children, I would consider slowly allowing access at the new place. He is refusing to provide the proof and says it is none of my business why her kids were removed.
On a practical level I get that its none of my business, but if I'm supposed to allow the most important people in my life around her, I kind of need to know if she's a danger to them. My ex is not a reliable "supervisor" as he often forgets to take his lithium or accidentally takes too much and sleeps all day. I need to know that the other person there can be trusted to take care of the kids if something happens. I have sole legal custody and because he didn't even file a reply he wasn't even awarded access.
I WANT him to have a relationship with the kids and I want to stop the hurt that I see in my daughter's eyes when she checks Skype hourly to see if he's on and realizes he's stood her up again. But am I being unreasonable in wanting to know what the hell she did to cause her to loose her own kids? I don't even need specifics, I just want something to vouch that she's safe. Ugh I just don't know anymore. Too many things going on at once.
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