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  • Originally posted by Berner_Faith View Post
    I agree... as adults we all know that decisions have consequences and they are not always positive.
    I appreciate your viewpoint(s) and objective opinions...it's the responses that come across as angry, bitter and accusing that i don't get. Maybe that's a reflection of those individuals' personal situations and state of mind.

    I was at a crossroads in my life and had to make a very difficult decision...if i stayed in that small town and my current WIFE moved there as well, we both would have lost our jobs and one of us had to give up time with our children. I have a job that is extremely specialized and not easy to find or replace...my wife has a job that she's been at for 23 years and comes with a govt pension.
    Where would we have been if both of us were jobless? How could we take care of our children then?
    This is not about moving to make more money...this is about having a job period.
    One of us had to move so it made more sense for me to move so that both of us could keep our jobs.
    I for one believe that it is ok to start over again after a marriage falls apart...everyone deserves a second chance.

    My reason for coming on this site was to talk to other people who feel that the system needs some changing...i am not blaming anyone for anything. I take responsibility for my decisions and am taking care of my kids to the best of my ability, even with a difficult ex who is unco-operative to say the least.

    Again, i appreciate your feedback, but for those who are on the attack...that approach is completely unnecessary.
    Last edited by Mess; 10-01-2013, 07:17 PM. Reason: To fix quote

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    • Originally posted by Rioe View Post
      Unfortunately, you made what we, with our greater experience, consider a number of mistakes.

      You gave up 50-50 access for income. You made the stereotypically male decision and chose providing the income over providing the nurturing, even though you knew your ex was a poor nurturer. Did you know when you did it that you would have no control over how she spent the money? Even if you had lost your job because you stayed, you would have kept your 50-50 access, and she would have had to pay YOU due to the offset system. And then you chose to get involved with a woman whose own situation made things worse. Without her, you could maybe have moved because of your job but found a midpoint that was closer to your kids.

      Now, you cry that the family law system is unfair and needs changing, to suit your situation. The family law system did not have anything to do with your work from home job transforming into an office job, which started your whole set of problems. The family law system did not have anything to do with you falling in love with a woman with complications for your situation.

      The family law system is a huge lumbering behemoth that changes very slowly. You are better off working to find ways to help yourself within the existing system, than you are whining on a message board about how the system should be changed.

      My suggestions:

      Look into having your CS reduced due to your access costs. It may be difficult because you were the one who did the moving away.

      Look into a claim for undue hardship. This may be difficult because your income is pretty nice from the sounds of it.

      Look into moving closer to your children. What is the farthest away from your current city towards your children's town that you could feasibly move, given your fiancee's limitations due to her own children and their father? What kind of commute are you prepared to handle?

      Look into increasing your access. Maybe you can negotiate for increased holiday and summer time with them, and that might be enough to tip you over into 40% and the offset system. Depending on the ages of the kids, you may meet with objection from them as they'd have to leave friends and activities more often.

      Look into dumping your fiancee and job and moving back. What's your priority? Being there for your children, or being there for your new relationship? It's an awful thing to balance. Reframe the money you pay your ex as being the cost of being with your fiancee instead of the cost of supporting your children. Is she worth it?
      Thank your for your suggestions...i will do what i can with the resources that i have, but i have no plans to "dump" my wife who also has two children of her own, and a good govt job that she would lose if she moved to this small town with me.
      This was not an easy decision for US...either we both live in a small town and lose BOTH our jobs as well her losing her children, or I move out of that town away from my children and we both keep our jobs.

      Anyway, i just came on this site to hopefully chat with other people in similar situations...thanks for the feedback.

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