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  • Divorce & Mental Health

    My mom moved into an assisted living place and a week later my dad was not able to take care of himself and moved in with my sister. After a few weeks at the assisted living facility they informed the family due to my mothers behaviour (bullying, inappropriate comments, racist comments) they were considering not allowing her to stay. At the time her doctor recommended a mental health assessment as she had suffered a stroke two years previously and has a history of mental health issues. Next thing we know my 80 year old mom has filed for divorce and cut off contact with my sister and I. We figure at the behest of my brother who is interested in the inheritance as we found out he took her to change her will before the divorce papers were filed. We think he has halted the mental health assessment. At some point her behaviour will come back and jeopardize her ability to stay in the facility. As well I think my brother has changed her POA with only him in charge removing my sister and I from the documents and banning us from the facility.
    I am going to talk to a family law lawyer as the divorce lawyer for my dad is not up on the subject.
    What kind of options are there is a situation like this? Or I have to sit back and wait till my brother takes her money and she has to turn to us for help and we try to recoup the funds from him?

  • #2
    "you think" your brother had you banned from the facility where you mother lives?

    Most assisted living facilities have social workers (in Alberta anyhow) who could offer you some assistance perhaps? The first thing that comes to mind is the Office of the Public Guardian, or whatever it is called in your Province - get information on possible Elder Abuse. Funds can be locked down if proper steps are taken. You would want to know if your brother had her sign a POW or an Enduring POW as there is a difference having to do with guardianship and living wills etc. Important thing is that she has money for her old age and that it will not be misappropriated by anyone.

    If your mother is being moved to a secure facility I believe it is pretty common for a mental health assessment be carried out is it not? A social worker might very well already be involved. In Alberta there is a team in place in these facilities which consist of nurse manager, social worker and often a member of the family.

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    • #3
      We will be asked to leave if we show up to the facility. I was told that by the General Manager of the facility.

      I am pretty sure he has had her sign a new will and POA but have not been informed. Find it kind of odd because we still have the original POA where we are on it. We found out he borrowed over $37K from Dad we can track down and has not paid it back. He got other monies for helping parents around the house/farm and from my sister and my point of view we have no issue with that. He was there to help so good. However, he moved onto my Mom due to her mental state. My dad is terminal as his body is giving out but is still mentally sharp.

      It is not common in Ontario when moving into a facility to have a mental health assessment. When my mom moved in she had a chat with a nurse on medication she was taking and required an x ray for tb. I will look into the Office of the Public Guardian.

      All comments are helpful.

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      • #4
        are there other family members who can go see your mother and see how she is doing? If she is in an altered mental state then maybe she doesn't realize why you are not visiting. I wonder if any documents signed (if she is having mental issues) would be valid.

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        • #5
          I think much depends upon the facility. For places that are considered "secure" for dementia patients there is typically a needs assessment screening of some sort done. Usually these places want all the documents in order prior to the person moving in due to liability (including but not limited to DNR's, regional health assessment etc.).

          I know that for being able to claim the residence on CRA income tax returns one needs to have a doctor's letter as well as documents certifying the residence is categorized as a continuing health centre. Once my mother was officially diagnosed with dementia we could claim the residence (which was very expensive) on her tax returns.

          If medical documentation shows the mother in this case was not medically competent at the time of endorsing a POA to her son then the provincial department (guardianship) could be involved if parental abuse is suspected. An application is made to the court and the Office of the Public Guardian is appointed to administer the mother's affairs as far as I know. It can be a very time-consuming process. I have a friend who's sister is "not all there" after a surgical procedure. The sister has an old boyfriend who is attempting to manipulate her financially. Family is at a loss as to what to do as the sister will not have anything to do with her daughters, suspecting them of trying to steal from her. It is very sad and exhausting for the family. Meanwhile the old boyfriend is convincing the sister that she should move in with him when she clearly needs to stay in the hospital.

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          • #6
            Well over the years my mother has driven a wedge between herself and family members. She actually hasn't talked to her only sibling in 25 years, her decision. And many others distanced themselves. She did suffer a mental breakdown years ago and I am finding out more issues as the secrets come out. We do know she seems to be taken care of but she doesn't have the mental capacity to make sound judgements. Any document would be invalid if she was assessed with diminished capacity.

            Has anyone had experience in getting a court ordered assessment? What kind of proof would I need to proceed and what are the chances of being successful.

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            • #7
              You would have to go through the Guardian's office I believe. Better to use their money anyhow. Let us know what you find out.

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              • #8
                Arabian

                The issue is that my mom has not been diagnosed. After the behaviour at the assisted living facility the doctor ordered a mental health assessment. However, the local mental health unit dropped the ball and only after my escalation that they had the first interview with her. I am still escalating with them as they do not respond to emails or phone calls. That said I suspect he stopped the assessment because if she was found with diminished capacity it would be much easier to roll back the POA to the original state and all three siblings be part of the decision making for health and finances.

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