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  • Originally posted by leafsrule View Post
    Again, you can choose the way you see things around you, no one else can change that accept for you.

    If you think the courts, FRO and everyone else is wrong, you are right then.

    The system is designed to help the 90% of people who want to either work with it or who accept it for being less than perfect but still pretty good. The other 10% I believe wouldn't be happy even if things went exactly how they wanted them too.

    If a legal system helps the majority of people, then it's working the way democracy intended it to work. If it doesn't suit you, either you need to change or continue to try to change it yourself but I'll tell you right now you won't change it yourself and you'll lose valuable time and memories with your kids in attempting to do it.
    How old are you? Are you married? Do you have children?

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    • Another poster stirring the pot.... I'm tellin ya... there is a trend here.

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      • Originally posted by LostFather View Post
        How old are you? Are you married? Do you have children?
        How tall are you? How much do you weigh? Do you have a full head of hair?

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        • It's not relevant to whether I'm married, have kids or how old I am.

          I will answer only to say I'm over 18 and younger than 50 and old enough to know how the World works.

          Whether I have kids or not, all I can say is that I would take care of them no matter what and nothing would change that.

          If I was married or not, all I can say is that I loved my significant other at one point in time and fulfill my obligations both as a man and a husband.

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          • I look like Dr. Phil in actuality, therefore, I'm quite tall (6'4"), approx. 240 lbs and have no hair left on my head.

            I save a lot on haircuts, styling products and time getting myself ready

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            • I love the English Beat.

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              • Originally posted by leafsrule View Post
                It's not relevant to whether I'm married, have kids or how old I am.

                I will answer only to say I'm over 18 and younger than 50 and old enough to know how the World works.

                Whether I have kids or not, all I can say is that I would take care of them no matter what and nothing would change that.

                If I was married or not, all I can say is that I loved my significant other at one point in time and fulfill my obligations both as a man and a husband.
                It's totally relevant, you see the vast majority of people in here have children and have ex spouses. If by some chance you do not have children, how can you pretend to know what I (we) are going through or what we've done to struggle through the system. Until you've gone through it, you can not possible understand.

                As far as your life experiences, and by your answer I would assume you have not gone through this life experience, and therefore should mind your comments. I would not wish what I've and I can imagine others that have gone and going through with their ex's, or the system out there on anyone. This site is for the purpose of or what I understand it to be anyway, to support one another, share our experiences and hopefully be educated by them.

                Now I can not speak for others in here, but I will tell you this, when you start insulting my ability to father my children or me as a father, you're crossing the line. This tells me that you are either a young one with very little life experience, that has a little education working for the government in a job that right or wrong sucks parents dry of dignity and hope and finances, or you're and older person that has old values that has been brain washed into thinking that the system is great, and it us deadbeat dads that are the problem. Either way, to me, you have a nothing to offer that I could perceive as valuable, as in my opinion your views are tainted. Though I am sure that others in her will welcome your input, I will obstain.

                Oh, and BTW, here is another one of your satified customers of the great FRO system:

                FRO Bank garnishment~ Your not going to believe this.
                Some of you are aware of my issues with FRO. They garnished my ex's bank account last month and I have been given conflicting information regarding what happens next.

                This morning I was informed that the bank responded to FRO that they do not have a customer by his name, and therefore there was no account to garnish. This made no sense to me and on pressing further it was discovered they garnished the wrong bank. Despite me providing them with the bank name, transit number, the bank's address including postal code, the account number, and names on the account, they sent the garnishment to the wrong bank. A bank he has never used, a bank I have never used. As a matter of fact, I do not know anyone who uses the bank they tried to garnish.

                Needless to say, I am completely fed up. They did not even attempt to reach me to confirm with me the information I provided them with. Had I not called to find out why the new support deduction order had not been updated in my file yet (they have had it since May 21st), no one would have known they garnished the wrong bank.

                Nice eh. I asked to speak to my caseworker....but no...... I was told to call back in 2 days instead.

                Seriously.


                Did I mention, leafs suck

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                • Hello your story hits home
                  try this for a fit...........kids moved out from her house cause she is a n*t c*se.............kids with live with me and she is living together with her boyfreind and you are still told by the court to pay spousal and child support untill you get a a motion court date is schecudule in (she refuses to desclose everything that is a court order
                  and this is how our system works

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                  • Originally posted by houston View Post
                    Hello your story hits home
                    try this for a fit...........kids moved out from her house cause she is a n*t c*se.............kids with live with me and she is living together with her boyfreind and you are still told by the court to pay spousal and child support untill you get a a motion court date is schecudule in (she refuses to desclose everything that is a court order
                    and this is how our system works
                    Happens. Hopefully, the delay is kept to a minimum.

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                    • It is not just the dads that get screwed by FRO...women do too.

                      My personal experience? Court-ordered child support of 110.00 per month. Non-payment from the start. 6 years later, FRO tell me their hands are tied, nothing they can do. Dad moved.

                      Well...within 48 hrs of hearing this, I not only knew where my ex was, but had contacted police to execute the warrant of committal on my file. "sorry, it is low priority, we only execute if he is involved in a police matter" FRO says, "we cannot do anything"... Go figure...

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                      • And, as statistics show, there are still a lot more NCPs not paying than CPs trying to push enforcement...

                        And, more stats that show a parent who is not in arrears is more involved in their child's life...hmmm....the missing link?

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                        • I have read this topic all the way through and I have a few comments.

                          I am a separated father, my two children are eight hours away and live with their mom. My case is no where near as difficult as some of you.. but it still sucks.

                          My problem is specifically access as she only allows me to see the kids twice a year for one week at Christmas and two at summer.

                          My problem with the system is there is a complete government funded branch that will enforce child support with extreme prejudice but there is no one to enforce access. All of this talk about what best for the child is all just complete hogwash.. it's all about the extraction of money from men. (or, if it is more politically correct to say NCP, whatever you choose)

                          As far as the statistics that I have read, if you are in a court battle for who is the primary caregiver and you are a man, you will loose. I thought about going for custody (when I had a more stable situation than her) and discussed it with my lawyer... he actually giggled and said he would take my money but wouldn't guarantee results. This backed up with the statistical likelihood that, if both parents are equally fit to take care of the children, men would actually have almost a 0% chance to get custody. So NCP's mean men to me.

                          To get a CS order all she has to do is fill out a form and it is rubber stamped.

                          I wish that access worked that way. Instead I have to spend thousands just to see my kids. It's shameful.

                          So to say that there is no gender bias in the system is an absolute lie. I know that sounds bitter but actually I just want to see my kids.

                          That's probably why a parent that is denied access and is a target of parental alienation is more likely to be in arrears.... hmmm....the missing link? If courts enforced assess and dealt with alienation in the same manner as they enforce support payments, I think this system would be a little less broken.

                          Thanks for reading. I wish you all good luck.

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                          • I have refrained from commenting on the "gender bias, screwed up system" posts because I think that it is a fight that no one can win - so this is my one and only...

                            Originally posted by Canor Elfman View Post
                            My problem is specifically access as she only allows me to see the kids twice a year for one week at Christmas and two at summer.
                            What do you mean that mom only "allows" you to see your kids twice a year? Do you have any legal agreement? If not - Why?

                            Originally posted by Canor Elfman View Post
                            I thought about going for custody (when I had a more stable situation than her) and discussed it with my lawyer... he actually giggled and said he would take my money but wouldn't guarantee results.
                            You should have fired your lawyer. Your kids are (most likely) the most important thing in your life. Get a second opinion, and a third. There are plenty of lawyers who will believe in you and your family. You shouldn't settle for any less. If you know that you would do a good job of raising them in a stable environment then you should absolutley follow through with it. Why does it have to be either mom or dad? Can't you share the time and responsibility? The moment that you broke up you BOTH legally had 50-50 custody. What you did after that is not the system - it is your own decision.

                            Originally posted by Canor Elfman View Post
                            This backed up with the statistical likelihood that, if both parents are equally fit to take care of the children, men would actually have almost a 0% chance to get custody. So NCP's mean men to me.
                            I think that you are wrong. My husband shares 50-50 custody. He has had 50-50 custody since the day that he separated from mom. Mom tried to fight it originally - he did not back down. He went through a few lawyers and eventually got the 50-50 on paper. Years went by and again mom attempted to get sole custody. Again dad said that it is best for the kids to have 50-50. Again, the legal system backed him up. While I may not agree with mom's parenting methods, both parents are fit to take care of the children and 2x the "broken system" has agreed with dad.

                            Originally posted by Canor Elfman View Post
                            I wish that access worked that way. Instead I have to spend thousands just to see my kids. It's shameful.

                            So to say that there is no gender bias in the system is an absolute lie. I know that sounds bitter but actually I just want to see my kids.
                            I would never say that there is no gender bias in the system. But I think that blaming every male "loss" of custody on the system is completely wrong. You are defeated before you even try. You may not have to spend thousands - if you are absolutely asking for what is in your children's best interests and you are capable and willing to work with the other parent (even if they won't work with you) and willing to focus on what you can do for your children (not a mud-slinging battle) And keep on it don't give up... then mom won't have much choice but to agree to more visitation for you.

                            Figure out when and how you can spend more time with your children, being 9 hours away makes it harder - but not impossible. You could certainly ask for more holiday time - March Break, long weekends on PD days that you can fly to them and visit, definately more time in the summer. Send mom a VERY business-like, polite email requesting more time. Be specific, have a good plan for how you will fit into your children's lives. It is in the children's best interests to have both parents in their lives as much as possible. If mom says no, go consult with a few lawyers. Do not settle for a lawyer who doesn't think that dad is important in children's lives. Because you are one of the 2 most important people in your children's lives.

                            To Canor Elfman - I wish you and your kids the best of luck - and hopefully more time together.

                            And to the board in general - Basically what I am trying to say is that NO ONE should use the "screwed up system" as an excuse to not fight for their children. It may be screwed up a little - or a lot... that has been debated over and over again, so, if you would like to change the system, then by all means join groups, bring lawsuits against the FRO... But at the same time NEVER give up fighting for your own children.

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                            • Originally posted by lumpy View Post
                              I have refrained from commenting on the "gender bias, screwed up system" posts because I think that it is a fight that no one can win - so this is my one and only...



                              What do you mean that mom only "allows" you to see your kids twice a year? Do you have any legal agreement? If not - Why?



                              You should have fired your lawyer. Your kids are (most likely) the most important thing in your life. Get a second opinion, and a third. There are plenty of lawyers who will believe in you and your family. You shouldn't settle for any less. If you know that you would do a good job of raising them in a stable environment then you should absolutley follow through with it. Why does it have to be either mom or dad? Can't you share the time and responsibility? The moment that you broke up you BOTH legally had 50-50 custody. What you did after that is not the system - it is your own decision.



                              I think that you are wrong. My husband shares 50-50 custody. He has had 50-50 custody since the day that he separated from mom. Mom tried to fight it originally - he did not back down. He went through a few lawyers and eventually got the 50-50 on paper. Years went by and again mom attempted to get sole custody. Again dad said that it is best for the kids to have 50-50. Again, the legal system backed him up. While I may not agree with mom's parenting methods, both parents are fit to take care of the children and 2x the "broken system" has agreed with dad.



                              I would never say that there is no gender bias in the system. But I think that blaming every male "loss" of custody on the system is completely wrong. You are defeated before you even try. You may not have to spend thousands - if you are absolutely asking for what is in your children's best interests and you are capable and willing to work with the other parent (even if they won't work with you) and willing to focus on what you can do for your children (not a mud-slinging battle) And keep on it don't give up... then mom won't have much choice but to agree to more visitation for you.

                              Figure out when and how you can spend more time with your children, being 9 hours away makes it harder - but not impossible. You could certainly ask for more holiday time - March Break, long weekends on PD days that you can fly to them and visit, definately more time in the summer. Send mom a VERY business-like, polite email requesting more time. Be specific, have a good plan for how you will fit into your children's lives. It is in the children's best interests to have both parents in their lives as much as possible. If mom says no, go consult with a few lawyers. Do not settle for a lawyer who doesn't think that dad is important in children's lives. Because you are one of the 2 most important people in your children's lives.

                              To Canor Elfman - I wish you and your kids the best of luck - and hopefully more time together.

                              And to the board in general - Basically what I am trying to say is that NO ONE should use the "screwed up system" as an excuse to not fight for their children. It may be screwed up a little - or a lot... that has been debated over and over again, so, if you would like to change the system, then by all means join groups, bring lawsuits against the FRO... But at the same time NEVER give up fighting for your own children.

                              I am going to try and stay as polite as possible on this one, but in my opinion your opinion is flawed, and it is apparent that you've haven't been through a 4 year legal battle, or been denied access to your children or where mom has made every attempt to make life, and the family unit at dads as miserable as possible, the courts DO NOTHING!! to these mom's in fact they reward the moms with thousands of dollars that are supposed to be for the children, and yet do not seem to get there.

                              They call your current wife a "whore"..the actually phrase was "Dad moved in with that woman to feed that whores son" through the children, which is in turn repeated to her children. Called the police on Fathers Day, all because SHE didn't want to follow the judge's order for access, deny access for months, go out of town and leave the children with babysitters for week on end and not tell dad where his children are, not even a return phone calls (50% of my calls are not returned) on those court ordered days. Show up in your driveway, yelling in front of the children how she's going to keep getting those thousands from ya, and oh, I'm going to take that "my wife's" house, in front of the children. Go to Cuba when supposed to be in a settlement conference, tell the court her mother was ill, then at trail say she was in Cuba for a wedding!

                              Brag (at trial) about how she would switch 10 different daycare providers (little over a year) and not tell dad where his children were.

                              The Judge not only gives her full custody, keeps status quo for access, which is she has the children 1 day a week more than dad, then orders $720+ with child care expenses (when there is no need for it), and since there is another father who has been existent he's ordered to pay approx $430 for Child Care to mom. But hey, this judge can't even get it straight in his decision weather the woman testifing on my behalf is my sister (of which I do not have) or my wife!!

                              Mom can't seem to feed her children before school, sends them with moldy bread sandwiches, can't get out of bed to walk a 5 year old to school, his 9 year old brother is responsible for it, and his brothers breakfast if any.

                              The judge's do little more than slap on the wrist, my ex comes to court with rosary beads (not a religious bone in her body), and twirls around those alone with...stones that say, love, peace, hope. And she could do nothing wrong.

                              I have my children 1 day less a week, no one pays me to support my children, in fact I pay...and it is crippling...to a point I do not know if I can afford to keep my 2 bedroom apt. My ex makes approx 15K more a year than I do...about $65K a year. OUR SYSTEM IS FLAWED! How is it in the best interest of the children not to see their dad when mom decided so? What?? you're going to give me the good lawyer speech??? Gone through about 70K in fees, started an appeal...can't finish...no money to buy the transcripts I was able to get 2 of the 5 days and a bit with fees was over $3000 just to get to that point!..can't afford the rest...can't go forward with the appeal...too bad... but, thats the idea right...make the NCP pay so much in support he'll forget about going to court over trivial matters like gaining access or having a say in what happens to our children....the courts/family law system is not bias....WHATEVER! GIVE ME MY MONEY, that's what it's about making someone pay...usually the father....because money is the only thing that is in the "best interests" of the children, right! The other poster has is right on...why is there not a service that goes after all the DEADBEAT MOMS that deny access?....you say there is??? The Courts...ha, ha... that are not user friendly at all and you need $300/hr lawyers...been there done all that...have a final order that ORDERS access...mom says screw you..ain't happening...so I call the police...police come and shrug their shoulders...can't do anything!!!! OUR SYSTEM IS FLAWED!!!

                              Glad you're having better LUCK...but really the for the few dads out there, that's what it's been, a little good luck for the most part or they've been able to talk sense with the mom...but if she doesn't want you to have the children...DAD ain't getting them without him spending thousands in court costs and lost time from work...or until you boss gets fed up and fires dad's ass. You'd think I was asking for the world...I just wanted my access to my children equally and have a say in what happens to them.

                              I'm sorry but your reality is not mine and for thousands of good dads in this country...the family law systems is CANADA's BLACK EYE! This has ruined my marriage, has done physiological damage to my wife's child. And it all puts a big smile on my ex's face....she said to me and my co workers 4 years ago, she'll finally ruin me, take my children away from me and that my new whore won't last long....she was pretty much bang on...and the courts say nothing...just some finger waving.... dad...pay, pay, pay....mom using the children as messengers or weapons, is not considered abuse!! According the Children's Services. What a great system we have here.

                              Comment


                              • Originally posted by lumpy View Post
                                And to the board in general - Basically what I am trying to say is that NO ONE should use the "screwed up system" as an excuse to not fight for their children. It may be screwed up a little - or a lot... that has been debated over and over again, so, if you would like to change the system, then by all means join groups, bring lawsuits against the FRO... But at the same time NEVER give up fighting for your own children.

                                This was my point - NEVER give up on your kids. Never said the system wasn't screwed up. Just never give up fighting for your kids. As I said, the above post was from my viewpoint and I still think that the entire gender debate cannot be won or lost - it is different for everyone. Just don't use it as the excuse for giving up on your kids. I sincerely hope that things work out for everyone on this forum.

                                Comment

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