Announcement

Collapse
No announcement yet.

Hi Im new to this and need of answers

Collapse
This topic is closed.
X
X
 
  • Filter
  • Time
  • Show
Clear All
new posts

  • Hi Im new to this and need of answers

    Hi I was served and only have a x number of days to respond. He is only asking for a divorce judgement and nothing else. However, there are a couple of things wrong with the papers. First he is way off on the dates, we married Aug 2008, I left in Feb of 2011 and fled to where my grown children live. He followed me and we briefly reconciled and then I left in Nov of 2011. He put that we ceased cohabiting in Feb of 2010. And secondly, my maiden name is spelled wrong. Do these matter.

    So a little more, after we married it was like a switch and he got very controlling and abusive. He bullied and made me into a submissive scared little girl. He has a temper that went from 0 to 100 within seconds and anything and everything would trigger an outburst.

    So he bullied me into changing all my banking info and I moved my banking info into his. So he controlled all the monies of what or did not get paid. Needless to say he paid his and neglected to pay mine and then say I hid all my bills from him. Now I have collections after me harrassing for monies. Just after we got married it came out he had collections after him so we dealt with that and he was able to get a build his credit on behave of me.

    Like I said he is a bully and would do and say many discriminating things to keep me in my place. He would break stuff, always mine, and then proceed to throw me outside with my belongings. Like garbage. But then he says women are stupid and only for men to use as they please. And I mean sexually too.

    So when we reconciled he managed to buy himself an older mobile trailer. I lived there for 4 months and I contributed to pay for half of fees. My name was not put on the title or bank loan just for the rental at trailer park cuz loan officer said that it would hurt his chances cuz my credit is so bad.

    So I guess I am wondering if I can make him pay for my finincial woes, do I have any rights to his mobile trailer or do i suck it up and cut my losses and thank God that I was lucky to get out when I did. Personally I want him to pay big time just because of the way he was. He threaten me all the time Lots of times my arms had bruises to defend myself. I never did call authorities, I tried once and payed for it he broke my phone. Hes kicked me out of the house many times with all my belonging even in the winter with nothing on. He has left me stranded many times and with no money or food. We team drove,long haul, and left me at truck stops or places we picked product up.

    I was his third wife he was my second. We have no children together. Thank goodness. We met in March or 2008 and married of August 2008. I thought he was a good strong christian with all the values i was looking for in a man. I really thought he was a gift and was totally blindsided. Like I said his temper and his need to control did not come out until after we got married.

    Any advice would be appreciated even if I dont want to hear it. I just dont know what to do.

  • #2
    hi new to site

    how long does it take to get your thread posted online

    Comment


    • #3
      Instantly... Just like you did this one?

      Comment


      • #4
        Wow I do not know what I was doing.I have posted a couple of threads throughout day and nothing. Ok well now I know this works so I will give a brief summary of what is going on.

        I was served a few days ago and only have x number of days to respond. He is asking for only a divorce judgement. However, he has declared that we ended our relationship in Feb of 2010 but it was Nov of 2011. We married in Aug of 2008. I did leave him in Feb of 2011 and fled to where my adult children live. He followed me shortly after and we reconciled, in May of 2011,it was the right thing to do,I stayed with him till Nov of 2011. Do these dates really matter now?
        Also, he has my maiden name spelled incorrectly. Does this matter?

        So a little bit of info. We met in March of 2008 and married in Aug of 2008. I was his third and he was my second. We both have adult children so we are not young. He proclaimed himself as a strong christian man with strong morals and everything I was looking for in a husband. However, the nice loving man was gone after we married and a switch went off or something.

        He become very controlling, demanded I become submissive, just like a scared little girl,He had me transfer all my banking info to his bank. He decided what got paid and what didnt. He did not pay for any of my bills and has completely destroyed my credit. And he built his on my expense. I had a good paying job with steady income and he was owner operater of big truck. That money went back to the truck, he said.

        He has a very bad temper that went from 0 to 100 within seconds. And depending on his mood anything and everything could trigger an outburst.He would destroy stuff, always mine, often putting holes in walls throwing me out of places we lived along with my clothes. My arms often had bruises from trying to defend myself.
        In 2009 I started to travel with him doing long haul and later got my class 1 and we team drove. Usually to California to Alberta weekly. He would often leave me stranded with no money at truck stops or places we picked product up. He would throw stuff at me or try to hit me with something while Im driving which resulted in him breaking windshield at least three different occassions. He threw me out with my clothes but usually my clothes and purse got scattered throughout the parking lots, I gave him satisfaction to cause big scenes. Once he threw me out of the truck and I opened the door to get back in he comes to the front and literaly stomped on my head.

        He often made comments that he was so mad that he could kill someone and say how easy it would be to live in the hills and mountains of california and oregon. Could just disappear.

        There were times that I have cried out for someone to help me but there are so many people afraid to get involved and believe me he was never quiet. He usaully screamed at me. I did try to call the police once and he broke my phone and like I said he decided what got paid. So I did not qualify for a phone then. House phone he broke that as well.

        So when we got back together briefly he was able to buy a older mobile home and I lived there for 4 monthes before I moved out. I also paid for half when I lived there. It was suggested by loan officer to not have my name on loan or title as my credit is bad and would hinder him from buying. But my name was on the rental of land for trailer park.

        When I drove with him I did not get a wage and did it all for free. Not my choice. He bullied me.

        So I guess what I am asking is do I have any right to this trailer and get him to help pay for my fincial woes?

        One last thing He told me he had changed when he followed me and as a christian I try to follow those principles. And I gave him another try. Oh he also tried to committ suicide when I left in Nov of 2011.

        Comment


        • #5
          Took me 55 minutes to see it, but then I just logged in.

          Comment


          • #6
            Ive posted a big long spill on here and I have not seen it as yet. Maybe it was too long and needs to get approval from moderators.

            Comment


            • #7
              With apologies, for some reason your thread ended up needing approval. Not sure why but I went and approved it for you and will merge these two threads into one. Sorry about that!

              Comment


              • #8
                Welcome to the forum denherm!

                Comment


                • #9
                  Thank you for the welcome and thank Blink for approving.

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    If you feel bullied by your ex, do you really feel that you can take this on alone without legal advice?

                    Originally posted by denherm View Post
                    So I guess I am wondering if I can make him pay for my finincial woes
                    Depends on what you mean by "pay". You gave a list of bad things that he did, and I suspect that you want some sort of karmic retribution. Unfortunately, he will not be made to "pay" for the bad things he has done.

                    Now, if you have debts from the marriage, that is an entirely different issue. Essentially, if your (his, yours, joint) assets are greater than your debts, then everything will be split fairly.

                    eg.


                    Assets: 100k
                    His debt: zero
                    Your debt: 40k

                    Net assets are 100-40 = 60k, which means that you should each end up with 30k. You should end up with 70k of the assets, and keep the 40k of debt. If the assets cannot be split, they can be sold and divided up in the same way.


                    Now, if your debt exceeds your assets, then you could be in trouble, since debt that is in your name after assets have been distributed are yours to keep. Completely unfair, but that is family law for you.

                    eg.

                    Assets: 40k
                    His debt: zero
                    Your debt: 100k.

                    You get all the assets, and keep all the debt.


                    Personally I want him to pay big time just because of the way he was.
                    Join the club. At least you don't have kids. Most of us have exes that we absolutely despise but that we have to deal with since we have children. You get to move on with your life, be thankful for that.

                    But, and this is important, he probably won't pay big. The pain (emotional and financial) of trying to make him pay will vastly exceed any satisfaction you might get.

                    Any advice would be appreciated even if I dont want to hear it. I just dont know what to do.
                    I think given the dynamic you might have in your relationship, you should probably get a third party to deal with this. Retain a lawyer, and not the same lawyer as your ex. This probably won't go to court so the costs should not be excessive (by family law standards)

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Quote by Janus "Join the club. At least you don't have kids. Most of us have exes that we absolutely despise but that we have to deal with since we have children. You get to move on with your life, be thankful for that."

                      YES.. Be very thankful for that ^

                      Welcome to this forum.

                      See about getting a free 1/2 hour consultation with a Divorce Lawyer. You are under no obligation to retain their services. Get legal advice.

                      Edit: I don't know where you live, and *don't* post that on here but try contacting Family Svcs or a women's shelter in your area - you can get a 2hr legal aid certificate which will give you the opportunity to speak with a lawyer free of charge. Please note: any lawyer you speak to on a certificate, or a duty counsel cannot be retained by you.
                      Last edited by hadenough; 01-29-2013, 12:37 AM.

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Thank you for the advice and I will phone womens shelter and see if they can help. Where I live no lawyers have got back to me, I've left messages.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          The women's shelter should be able to help you in many, many ways. It would be a good idea to contact them before you see a lawyer or even choose a lawyer.

                          The people at the shelter will very likely be well-versed in the choice of a lawyer who is competent and has empathy for abused victims. They will in all likelihood be very willing to accompany you to the lawyer's appointments and also to court if necessary.

                          Being an abused victim, you need all the help you can get...take it and don't be afraid to ask for anything you need!

                          Comment

                          Our Divorce Forums
                          Forums dedicated to helping people all across Canada get through the separation and divorce process, with discussions about legal issues, parenting issues, financial issues and more.
                          Working...
                          X