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  • #31
    My children

    Have said this describes their father, and have said it for years

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    • #32
      I lived like this for 14 years and still live it as mine keeps litigating me. I am happily remarried and he still tries to take me to court, harrass me, stock my work. His wife is just as bad.

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      • #33
        Wow. So relieved to read these posts. My ex is the same and it's been very difficult. It really helps knowing there are others going through the same craziness.

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        • #34
          Nadia, my ex did see a phycologist ... one of the many times i was going to leave, he chose upon my request to do it, as a last resort to get me to stay with him, admitting he didn't know why he did the things he did...
          I have had a pro slap words upon him, but no matter what any professional says, or doctor or nurse, etc... it doesn't change the matter that at the core of some people, they have lost their soul. It seems to me that when one has no conscious they become less human.
          My ex didn't want me not to leave because he was emotionally attached to me, it was because it would make him look bad and might hurt his pocket book because we had major purchases together...
          No matter what anyone tells you, or what any pro may label him, know in your heart that YOU know who he is. Then remember that so that you won't wind up like me and at every turn shaking my head and saying, "i don't believe he'd do that" or "how can he friggen be so cold and conning" or "wow- was I really with him that long...how'd I get so damn brain washed".
          Accept him for who you know him to be and prepare for your separation on that knowledge. Don''t expect him to bargain if you know he's all about him. Don't expect him to be kind if he doesn't know how, and don't expect him to care about what happens to you if he hasn't in the past.
          Sociopaths are great charmers and that is how we end up with them. Then they nip away at us a little at a time. Somehow we wake up one day and wonder how we managed to become of "those women" who other's call a victim.....
          He's given you something. He's giving you some great life knowledge. A whole lot of life lessons and a great reason to find just how strong you are. He's given you opportunities like no other will, to grow and expand and in the end, hold your head high with a new found strength.
          Keep your chin up....I know how rough it is....lord - do I know!
          You'll end up away from him, a lot wiser and better off. He may not change. Who's the lucky one?
          Last edited by rustedinnocence; 02-10-2011, 07:47 PM.

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          • #35
            I believe it is difficult to label an individual, but for almost 29 years I was married to a man whom I would suggest is a sociopath. I was told by him through 8 years of therapy and 5 different therapists, that I was at fault for everything that was wrong, and I was crazy. Well guess what, I finally figured the charade out and he was living a double life, sleeping with transsexual prostitutes, lying, cheating and basically using me as his cover to pretend he had a successful happy normal life. A sociopath has deep routed issues and their acting out is not the disease just the puss of the infection. There is no cure for this illness, just a change of direction in their sick behaviour.
            The more difficult thing than living with a mentally ill spouce is divorcing them. It has been almost 2 years of legal battles, without him producing financial disclosure. Abuse doesnt end--it just changes it's face from emotional or verbal to financial. I am one of the lucky ones, because I have been able to date to financially keep myself above water.
            My advice as all professionals suggest---stay away, email or go thru your legal counsel.
            He now is living with a woman pretending all is well, has walked away from his 2 grown children, unless of course they submit to his needs and wishes on his terms, which they refuse to do... You either are a victim or an accomplice, so do yourself a favour and disengage.

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            • #36
              Sometimes easier said than done especially when he is "in your face" and does everything to try and belittle and provoke and goad me in front of our child.
              I try to be polite, but that doesn't work - it only makes him angrier and our child suffers in the end. I finally gave up the other day and told him that he is not to speak with me as he will not be civil in front of our child and that our communication has to be strictly via email, since he has a peace bond on him.
              It's all about the control with him. So sad really.

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              • #37
                yo most of the replies attack former partners can only wonder what they have to say about you.

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                • #38
                  Originally posted by brad yo View Post
                  yo most of the replies attack former partners can only wonder what they have to say about you.
                  I can tell you exactly what my ex says about me - "F'n whore", and "Bitch" are just two examples.

                  While it is true that there are usually two sides to every story, in my case at least, we're talking about an individual who does not live in reality. The simplest acts are blown out of proportion and an excuse to cause a fight.

                  Example: My daughter left some of her school books at my home one week. Because I was going on a business trip I would be unable to drop them off at school for her so I stopped by my ex's to give them to her. When I arrived at the apartment I could hear the girls playing so I knocked and they let me in. He was passed out in his room because he had been to a Christmas party the night before. It was 4:30 in the afternoon. The girls asked me to get them a drink, which I did, then I left, ensuring they locked the door. Pretty simple event right? If you ask him he'll tell you that I 'entered his house while he was sleeping' and make it seem like I was completely out of line and up to no good.

                  This is only one example of MANY.

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                  • #39
                    Brad Yo,
                    There are always three sides to a story, mine, his and the truth,, just so happens that mine and the truth are the same. A sociopath lives in his own world justifying all his actions, including verbal, emotional abuse along with his devient actions.
                    It is living hell and being so manipulated that you feel responsible for his bursts of anger, his outrage as the most unimportant things and his lack of remorse or empathy for more serious acts. Sociopaths seek thrills and they escalate where they put lives in harms way. I am sure he has many names to call me, but I have not walked away from my children and I have not lied, deceived or hurt. I dont need to seek revenge--he is his own revenge, living in that disgusting world, hurting, abusing, and manipulating all those who's paths he crosses. Really it's pity we need to feel for sociopaths.

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                    • #40
                      Originally posted by momforever1956 View Post
                      just so happens that mine and the truth are the same.
                      How convenient for you. I guess in your case there are really only two sides....or wait - make it one.

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                      • #41
                        I have lived on the defense for almost 30 years but no longer, so I will just thank-you for your response. I respect what you have to say and continue with my free life, rid of all the toxins.

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                        • #42
                          Nadia, I know exactly what you are getting at here and I hope you don't mind I have copied it. Very well listed out.
                          You may also wish to check this out as well.

                          Narcissistic personality disorder - PubMed Health

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                          • #43
                            I know this is an old thread but i needed to put some words into this line up.

                            I finally saw a lawyer this week.
                            I have been court abused repeatedly by my ex. He never gives up despite basically digging and digging himself into a pit... and he arrives white teethed and smiling, laughing, joking, straight back and dashing.

                            This month, he was booted out of the Supreme Court for illegally using legal aid. In two weeks he goes on trial for a DV assault causing bodily harm. Last month the government repossessed his house for income tax fraud. Last fall, he resigned in the face of being fired for fraternizing with a minor at work.

                            And then, on Tuesday, when i read the laundry list, my lawyer said one line:
                            "THis sounds like you are dealing with a sociopath. It is serious, possibly more dangerous than you already have experienced, and incurable". THen she recommended "The Sociopath Lives Next Door" and Hare's book "Without Conscience" and the penny dropped.

                            I felt sad and scared and relieved and vomitus all in the same moment.
                            And things started to make sense -- mostly that i can't try to make someone care, who can't. And all the high conflict and abuse and fear and relentless poking and poking and poking and instigating is because I let it land here and i wrote back and i tried to fix and change and negotiate and help. I am nice and good and have a huge conscience and want to be a good person and mother and despite all the crap, it matters to me that the children know their father. WOWOWO... i just flew through that portal of learning!

                            And then i searched the forum... and found this thread.
                            Now, i will start the journey back to me and to myself as a strong healthy parent rather than bleeding out with apple pie and icecream in the hope that he will eventually see the futility of the war. I have more compassion (than I did) for my the children's dad and i also know that we will have to work hard to stay connected and protected and 'appreciate' and respect what this means to children.

                            okay. just needed to put that out there.
                            HD

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                            • #44
                              A true sociopath is un-commonly rare.

                              More likely you are dealing with someone whom has strong tendencies - but it's not llikely to actually even meet a true sociopath in your lifetime.

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                              • #45
                                Estimates are that 3-5% of the population are sociopaths. If you're on the subway in Toronto at rush hour, 9 times out of 10 there are up to 5 sociopaths in your car.

                                People with personality disorders can be "high functioning" or "low functioning." The low functioning sociopath in your subway car has probably been in jail several times. The high functioning sociopath is probably not on your subway car, they are usually business executives or politicians.

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