After 6 years of 50/50, ex wants sole custody.

[stripes]

My ex did something similar - my job involved a lot of international travel, we had agreed on a parenting schedule that would allow me to undertake this travel and also parent 50/50, then ex reneged on agreement, as a way of short-circuiting my job in order to pressure me into withdrawing the divorce action (long backstory omitted). (I actually have emails from him stating that this was his intention).

I panicked a bit, but found that when I was up front about why I had to cancel international field visits (family problems), colleagues were surprisingly supportive, and several shared their own "war stories" from the divorced-parenting battleground. I had to work double-time to make up for not being able to be on-site as much as I would otherwise have done, but in the end I was able to get everything back on track with minimal damage to my career (and my income, which supports us). Like the poster below, it was absolutely worth it. The alternatives - buckling under to the ex, or not parenting 50/50 - would have been much worse. And I really did appreciate the support I got from a few strategically placed colleagues.

My career did involve air-travel to the USA, but the demand was high enough, I could name my terms and alternate weeks away with weeks at home. My ex demanded a complex custody schedule (twice a week exchange) that meant I never had more than 3 business days in a row. Plus, I needed to include travel time in that. That made my schedule so hard to work with, and so limited, opportunities dried up fast.

Had she agreed to week-on and week-off, I could have maintained my career. She knew she was making it impossible for me and figured I would give up custody. What she underestimated though, was my focus, devotion and resourcefulness.

So, I jumped on a STEEP learning curve, and applied my skills to new technologies and markets, and now I make my own hours and work from home. It cost me HUGE amounts of forgone income, but meant I was able to ALWAYS give my son priority. In 6 years, I have never needed a baby-sitter, and I have always been able to have breakfast with him and take him to school - and be home when he comes home from school ready to tell me about his day.

It took me 4 years to fully replace my income. ABSOLUTELY worth it though.

[bigdad]

Well everyone, I was right. I was served papers for a Motion to Change and it is full of lies including some that make serious implications including inappropriate sexual behavior with my son. Zero support for any of the statements. All heresay.

I am 10,000% confident if my son had a Children's Lawyer - he would get more time living with me. I did not want to put him in that position yet. He will be 10.5 yrs old by the time we are in front of a judge. But, my hand is being forced.

I am told that this Motion will proceed as usual with First Appearance, and then a Motion Hearing with a Judge. Only at that point, can I request a Children's Lawyer be assigned. If I were the judge, and the person being accused of all sorts of crazy things, is the one requesting the OCL, it would be clear that the person accused has nothing to hide, and they are indeed flat out lies. So, regardless if the OCL is assigned, it makes sense to request the OCL get involved.

But, the question is - is the Judge going to allow the OCL represent our son? Or, can the judge somehow state he is too young? If so - can he simply order the status quo until he is old enough? Or, does it go to trial?

I ask, because something tells me she knows the power our son will have, and she is pulling the trigger now, because she does not want him to have that power when the decision is made.

Thanks in advance for all feedback.

[Pursuinghappiness]

But, the question is - is the Judge going to allow the OCL represent our son? Or, can the judge somehow state he is too young? If so - can he simply order the status quo until he is old enough? Or, does it go to trial?

Your son isn't too young for OCL involvement but if the Judge does agree to allow the review and your ex consents, you will have to submit intake paperwork and OCL will have to decide to take your case. They don't take every case. Generally, if there's been CAS involvement and/or serious accusations, the chances are higher that they will. But the intake/approval process takes a few months.

The other option is to request a private assessor but you'll have to pay for that yourself.

Did she call CAS with regard to this apparent sexual abuse?

[bigdad]

We've done the OCL assessment process before, back when the divorce first started, so I am familiar with that process.

There has been zero CAS involvement.

More importantly, this all started because in an email she demanded week on/off and threatened this action if I did not agree to that. (See earlier in this thread as to why I don't think week on/off is a good idea.) I didn't.

So, the judge has to ask; 'If these accusations are true, why would she have been willing to accept week on/off?' The only answers are that she is an unfit parent or they are not true or both.

What if the judge does not agree to the review, or my ex refuses consent?

[Pursuinghappiness]

I were the judge, and the person being accused of all sorts of crazy things, is the one requesting the OCL, it would be clear that the person accused has nothing to hide, and they are indeed flat out lies. So, regardless if the OCL is assigned, it makes sense to request the OCL get involved.

The judge isn't likely to believe her affidavit or yours. What he/she probably will do is figure out that they need data supported by expert evidence to make a determination.

It really doesn't help her at all if she's making allegations of sexual abuse and hasn't called CAS because I can assure you that when a parent is really concerned about abuse, they call the authorities. You may want to bring it up in your response if she's taken no actual action with regard to this particular allegation.

As for the rest of her allegations, unless she can substantiate them...I would worry too much. Judges often see affidavits full of crap...nothing new and you don't need to address nonsensical things or match her level of stupidity in your affidavit. Simply blanket deny what she says and then go on to state why you're the best parent for the job. Do not bash her in return. Stay positive, stay child focused and ignore the irrelevant. I hope that you've been keeping a parenting journal to document your time with your child. If you're not doing that...start today.

[Pursuinghappiness]

More importantly, this all started because in an email she demanded week on/off and threatened this action if I did not agree to that. (See earlier in this thread as to why I don't think week on/off is a good idea.) I didn't.

So, the judge has to ask; 'If these accusations are true, why would she have been willing to accept week on/off?' The only answers are that she is an unfit parent or they are not true or both.

Well that's why communicating by email is such a beautiful thing in these circumstances. You'll attach it to your affidavit and added to the fact that she hasn't called CAS on apparent sexual abuse charges. It doesn't look too good. I can tell you that its her responsibility to report these allegations to appropriate authority if she believes them to be true.

Frankly, she's put herself in a bad position making those types of allegations and not reporting them. Consider yourself lucky. As for the rest of it...ignore it...you need evidence. Affidavits are mostly bull and judges know it. They want facts and they want parents who are child focused and focused on finding ways to co-parent.

What if the judge does not agree to the review, or my ex refuses consent?

The judge will ask for OCL involvement if they need more evidence to make a determination. If they don't agree, then its probably because they have enough data to make a determination and given what you've stated here...that probably isn't good for your ex. If she also refuses consent, then she puts herself in the position of forcing the judge to make a determination to either make an order for the OCL involvement without her consent or to make a decision on custody/access without further data. Neither one of those things bode welll for her. Its never a good idea to refuse a parental assessment for obvious reasons.

[Mess]

So, the judge has to ask...

Huge mistake. The judge will not make your case for you. This is where many people unjustly lose their case, by assuming the judge will figure things out.

The judge is not supposed to figure things out, the judge is supposed to consider evidence provided, arguments made, and cross examination. It is up to you to paint the picture.

You must ask these questions and make these arguments. Don't get caught in the trap of "the judge should figure this out.."